SUMMER BREAK!

The day every mother dreads is here, except I don't dread it. I actually look forward to it.  The last day of school.

To me, the last day of school means not having to get the little one dressed (wrestling match) to get into the car (wrestling match, have to carry her on bad weather days, sprains my hips pulling her chest clip up to her chest) anymore. It means the possibility of being able to let my hips heal a bit. It means not having to interrupt naptime (when she actually naps) to go get the kids from school. And best of all, it means less pain overall.

I am weird, I look forward to summer break! I can't wait to have my kids home. But then again, by the end of summer I will probably pay you to send them back to school for a day or two because they have started to irritate each other beyond belief and I spend my day as a referee, but then I remember that I have to drive them to and from Every Day and I almost want to put up with their fighting again.

I once had someone tell me that the only reason I loved having the kids home for summer was so I could sleep in.  haha Have you ever met my kids?  The teenagers would definitely sleep all day, as would the toddler. The elementary schoolers on the other hand...not so much.  They will wake up every day between 7 and 8 a.m. I can pretty much guarantee it. During the school year, I wake up between 7 and 7:30.  Yeah, so probably no sleeping in for me.  They won't be quiet even if I pay them with ice cream and candy. I don't think they know how. I will give you one thing though, I am a night owl and will love staying up late.  I might have to wake up early still, but I don't have to be anywhere so I can enjoy my night owlness. ;)

We don't have any fun plans this summer like we did last - Alaskan Cruise :'( - so I don't have that to look forward to, but I do love having my kids home and not having to get the little one in and out of the car a million (or 2) times a day. If I want to run to the store, I just leave the littles with the bigs and my hips rejoice!

When August 19th rolls around I will definitely be crying in my soup. I will have two littles to take to two different schools every day and that is going to kill me.  I guess I should prepare now to be in even more pain next school year, but damn it I want to enjoy a summer with my kids first! (Can use some good vibes that the boy will be transferred off the waiting list to his sister's school or vice versa).

Until Next Time...Don't dread the summer, enjoy every moment with your kids even if most of it is spent playing referee and being irritated beyond belief!

CLEANING MY HOUSE AND OTHER RANDOM RAMBLINGS

So, we've been trying to get the house done for guests coming up here in about twelve days.  I don't know what the hell we've been working on, but there is only one room that I consider sufficiently clean and that is my bathroom. It looks so good, you could eat off the floors (okay, maybe not - ICK, but you all know I like using those cute little sayings that in all actuality make no flippin sense)

My kitchen is trashed, there is stuff everywhere like laundry and toys and an old Christmas tree. (yes, the laundry is being dumped in a tub in the kitchen instead of being folded. Don't ask, because I have no clue.  You could always call my laundry folders if you are super curious though) And unfortunately our floors, that we are re doing, aren't even done yet. The Christmas tree box needs to go somewhere, but we aren't sure where yet.  It started off as a thin, nicely packaged box and now looks like my muffin top. (Sorry I know, ICK but after five kids, there isn't much about the human body that I'm shy about anymore)

My living room is trashed too, but with such a small house, and no playroom I don't think I will ever really like how my living room looks. It is the room that is cleaned 4-5 times a day and still, when I wake up in the morning,  it is like nightmare walking out there. Sometimes I want to cry (well, I guess not really, but I do feel like screaming sometimes).  I think that will be the last room we do the deep cleaning in too, because it just won't last.

My bedroom is halfway done, which is a good thing, but our timeline was to have it done today.  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! You see, my room is storage for the house. We have a closet the size of a postage stamp (okay, maybe 1/2 a postage stamp) so our stuff is stored in boxes and storage tubs in the bedroom. They must all be contained and stacked neatly. ( I sometimes wonder if anyone but me knows how to do that though. I am really trying to remember if I took a class like that in college - ORGANIZING A SMALL HOUSE 101?)

The kids rooms should be quick, most of it is just toys and clothes, but keeping them clean until after guests leave will be the hard part. Our next big thing is the kids' bathroom.  I trusted them to keep it clean by teaching them how (and having two older kids who are allowed to use strong cleaners) but I ventured in there one day and....Can I have my own house condemned?  Well anyway, let's just say they have their work cut out for them.  I know they can do it, lets just hope they do.  All I can say is I will now be doing weekly inspections no matter how hard it is for me to maneuver down their hallway (our dressers are in the hall so they have more play room in their rooms, but it makes for a relatively narrow walkway, and with my hips....) And I'm sure I will be in there, sitting in a high backed support chair, with a pumice stone in one hand and a magic eraser in the other for as much as I can handle.

My biggest problem is that I used to be the one to handle most of the big cleanings like this.  But now I just can't do it.  I can do bits and pieces and help out here and there, but I just can't get busy and bust this out in two days like I used to. (If anyone can cure my hips and my sinuses I would appreciate it and then I could have this place spotless in no time at all.)  This is one of those times I post about occasionally, where I feel very inadequate because of my limitations, but I'm not gonna dwell on that so I'm just going to say -

Until Next Time...I don't have anything profound to say today so I will just say that I have enjoyed having you all here for the last 6 months (our anniversary was on the fourth!) and I hope to see you all here for the next six months and longer. :D

 

WHAT IF I FIX WHAT'S BROKEN?

So, what happens if I am not so broken anymore?  Does my writing career go downhill? Do I become less funny (looking?)? Do I lose my ability to write? Do I lose my ability to come up with blog ideas?  Do I lose my fans?

These are all things that have crossed my mind at some time or another because I always dream of finding out exactly what is wrong with my hips and getting it fixed.  Yes, I am broken in many other ways, but if I only had good hips I could function so so so so...much better!

I do research on hip disorders, bone diseases etc. all the time.  I have even done a bit about the pelvis because mine occasionally pops and after all I did have five children bearing down in it. And then, just by chance I came across some articles about asymmetrical pelvis problems and low and behold I think I finally got it!!!  My pelvis is so far out of whack it isn't even funny and it is causing many of my other problems.  Well Hell's Bell's why didn't I think of this sooner.

Now for the bad news.  It's going to take time and money to fix it.  I have lots of time, but absolutely no extra money yet. (Now if I sold 1,000,000 books... haha yeah.) Anyway, I decided to do some exercises that I saw on a website that is supposed to help.  Problem?  Yeah, I have to be able to get down on the floor to do them.  LMFAO yeah, right. Me? On the floor?  hahahahahahahahah.  Okay, once I stopped laughing I had to do something and then I remembered what an old doctor and an old chiropractor once told me.  They advised me to let gravity do the work.  So now I lay on the edge of the couch or bed on my side and let my top leg drop off and gravity slowly works things into the right place.  I have done it three or four times today and I do not feel anywhere near normal, but I really feel much better. (And since I am writing this the night before I publish it, we will have to see how the morning goes and see if I am sore as heck or not.) I am able to bend to my right while sitting, I was able to get up quickly with no pain twice today and I actually stood for five minutes straight without feeling sore, nerve pain, or tired.

So what is next.  More gravity work of course! And then once I am able to make it on the floor without the possibility of being stuck there forever, I will start the other exercises I found on that website.  I sure hope it works.  I want to be productive again, Yes, I will probably still have my foot problems so I won't be able to work a standing job and I will still have my migraines and sinus problems so there will be days when I am down for the count, but I will love being able to get three little ones in the car without aching for days afterwards or risking throwing my back out and not being able to get back inside. Heck I will be grateful to be able to get up and get my own drinks (My kids never put the right amount of ice in, you know?)

I do not know what the future will hold. I may someday become the formerly broken housewife and mom, or I may find that it will take more than just these stretches and exercises to get better, but one thing I do know is that I will still be me, deep down inside, no matter how broken I am or am not, I am still me - a mom, a housewife, a writer, a blogger.

Until Next Time...A lot of times I have thought that if circumstances change I will change, but that isn't always the case.  Outward things and ideas may change, but deep down inside you will always be you.

FIVE AND A HALF MONTHS OF WONDERFUL!

So, this weekend we hit a huge milestone here at Adventures of a Broken Housewife (and Mom).  We hit 10,000 page views.  When I started this blog five and a half months ago, I thought I might see ten or so a day which would put us at about 1,650 page views. Here we are with 10,000+ and I couldn't be happier.

This blog has literally been a life saver for me. If I hadn't started this I don't think I would be much more than a shell sitting on the couch hurting my life away. (Well, I still sit on the couch hurting a lot, but I am much happier and not feeling as sorry for myself most days) This blog also got me off my butt and working on my novels again.  These novels are things I loved dearly and couldn't imagine not finishing, but somehow I kept avoiding it. Fear, kids, boredom, shyness all kept me from acting on my true desires. 

So Five and a half months ago I was a wreck, not knowing what I wanted to do with my life (besides being a mom), and now I am a self confident blogger and published author.  My life has changed for the better in so many ways.  I have met a bunch of great people, I have become confident, I am finally living the life I want (except for the money which still hasn't come in, and may never come in) without having to go out into the world and worry about not being able to do a good job in my career because of my physical limitations. I feel emotionally, and intellectually fulfilled for the first time in many years.  I always felt fulfilled with love and family because, well, I have a big family, but never in those other two areas. 

So what is next for me?  Well, I'm not sure if it will ever work, but I am determined to make a living at this blogging and authoring stuff!  Most of the places that provide ad revenue for blogs have requirements that I don't meet so I hope to eventually meet them. And as for my books.  I know people love them, I just have to get the reviews coming in to Amazon! Hopefully that will all fall into place with all of the social media hell I put myself through every single day! I also want to expand the blog and my writer's site to include author and  blogger interviews!  That will hopefully not only benefit me with page views, but the writers with publicity.  After all I studied public relations in college so it's about time I used it right?!?! And after that, I just hope to have fun doing what I love to do.  I have many more novels in my future and probably a few non-fiction titles too. 

Thank you all so much for all of your support.  I am so glad you enjoy what I do and I hope that you keep coming back to see what the future holds. If there is something you want to see here on the blog, do not hesitate to let me know MY EMAIL. Also if you are interested in being interviewed please let me know and we can arrange something.  I will be thinking up questions over the next week and then will start the interviews the week after.

Until Next Time...It might take awhile, but you will eventually find something you love to do, whether it is a career, a hobby or just something to take your mind off of things.  Work hard, have fun and live your dreams.

THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING, THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING (AND VARIOUS OTHER PEOPLE TOO)

Just wanted to let you all know that I am not sure if this template will stay or not but it works for now.  I have problems with some templates triggering migraines for me lately so I am trying to find one that is perfect for my blog and that doesn't cause me problems.  Thanks for your patience! 

It is that time, we will be invaded by people from out of town very soon. The Senior is graduating and family and friends will be coming to see her. I don't have a problem with this because it is nice to see family and friends that you don't see often enough. (Besides they won't be here too terribly long and only my mom will be staying with us - if she can make it, so it's not like we will be put out in any way) What is my problem with this whole situation? Well, it is my house.


In my everyday life, I don't care if the kids friends, people we know, or others come over and the house is far from perfect. They know we have 5 kids for cripes sake and they know the house is going to look lived in. But for some strange reason, when people are coming from out of town I have this almost obsessive urge to make sure everything is perfect. I mean everything, the hard water stains in the toilet must be completely gone, every last fingerprint must be off of the walls and furniture and if there is any dirty spots on the couch and I can't have them cleaned, the couch covers come out. Every crumb must be vacuumed up and every single toy must be in it's proper place. (yes, i'm a very strange person, but you already knew that right?)


I have no clue why I have this obsession. People (especially family and close(out of town) friends know that I am physically limited and I have teenagers that can't be trusted, helping me out around the house properly. I don't think anyone expects my house to be perfect because of our circumstances. WAIT, STOP, HOLD UP!!! I think that's it. They don't expect my world to be perfect because we are poor and live in the boonies and I am a decrepit old lady and my kids suck at chores and I want to prove them wrong! Holy cow why didn't I see this sooner. (I tell ya, this blog is so flippin therapeutic it's not even funny!) Anyway, yeah, I just want to prove to them that no matter what our circumstances we can be great too. And I think to do that I have to go way overboard. Yep, that's me - my middle name should be overboard (but then I would be JO Ellis and it just isn't quite as catchy as JJ Ellis)


So now that I've made this revelation, can I just sit back and relax and let my house be sanitary but lived in? OH HELL NO! Not gonna happen. We are going to bust our butts over the next month to make sure the house, cars and yard are perfect for when they visit. I know I shouldn't, but I feel like I have something to prove to people who mean the most of me. Kind of warped huh? I just can't not do it, I am a woman possessed in this case.
Until Next Time...Do not follow my lead. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Go about your normal day and most likely your family and friends will love you just the way you are. If they can't accept who you really are, then maybe they aren't as close as you thought they were.


NOTE: NOTE: NOTE: NOTE: The title in no way implies that I have a problem with my in-laws and I am not stressed mostly about them. I stress about all people equally! And admit it the title catches your interest better than any of the others I could have come up with. It just sounded better than the family is coming the family is coming or the friends are coming the friends are coming, you know, because a lot of people stress about their in-laws <3 you John and Alberta and we can't wait to see you again! Hard to believe it has been almost a year! :) (not that they will ever see this unless I put it in my next book because they don't have internet :'( ) Anyway, carry on!

SPRING FEVER AND ME!!!

Spring fever doesn't just hit school kids. Guess how I know that?  Yep, it has hit me so hard  I can't even function.  Of course it doesn't help me that my hips are driving me up a wall lately and I think I am coming down with something. Sore, dry throat, earache, stuffy hurting head.  Blah!

I am so excited about the next installment of my Sunset Destiny Romance series but I can't seem to bring myself to work on it much.  I assumed it was because of my hips and not being able to sit comfortably anywhere in the house to type. But then I started thinking about it.  I think I have spring fever.  Even as a school kid I never got it this early.  But then again as a school kid, our spring break was never the first week of March. :/

We had a few days of sixty degree weather and I must say it was heaven! Yeah yeah I know, sixty isn't too warm for most people, but for us here in Centeral Wyoming, that's bikini weather! It was perfect.  We'd had spring break and temps in the 50's and 60's spring must be here so the brain kicks in with spring fever.  And then what happens? I woke up to three inches of snow this morning and more is expected throughout the next few days.  Winter is back! So maybe my spring fever will go back into hibernation?   Yeah, probably not.  Once I get it I am stuck with it. (at least it's not a forever thing right?)

So what does that mean for my novel?  I'm not sure yet.  Maybe when this bug goes away and I'm not achy and stuffy and tired and blah I will feel comfortable enough to sit at the table and type again and I will only have to worry about keeping my mind on track and my novel will complete itself (seemingly not really). Or maybe once I feel better I will still be unable to get my butt up off the couch to head to the table and work. And maybe I will be able to write, but still not be able to figure out how to best structure my complicated  sentences. (Which makes for even more complicated editing).

For some reason I don't see this bout of Spring fever getting any better. And the main reason why is that we are all looking forward to The Senior's graduation. [SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER!!!] How in the heck can I concentrate when my daughter is going through one of the most stressful, exciting, wonderful times of her life!  And then I have to prepare for the relatives that will invade in May.  That will be much more exciting than concentrating on sentence structure and Grammar. (Although it won't be as exciting as concentrating on my story line. so hmmmm....)

As it is, I have started to let the kids slack on chores and they got so used to it that I had to get tough again. Hopefully my house will shape up but I somehow doubt it will, at least before guests start to arrive.  But that's okay, it's spring right?

I've met people who don't suffer from spring fever and I envy them.  I always have, I probably always will.  I crave watching my kids go outside to play or being able to sleep in, or do whatever they want during the day.  The teachers that pile on the homework start to piss me off this time of year and I know it's wrong to be mad, but come on people it's spring, the weather is changing (in most places at least) It's time to relax and have some fun! Okay, so I know the work still needs to be done, but I DON'T WANNA!!!! I have spring fever after all ;) And all I want to do is play with my new Kindle Fire (a very generous gift) and relax to recover from scraping windows all winter!

Until Next Time...If you get spring fever, enjoy it! But don't let it take over your life because eventually you will HAVE TO get back to work!!!!

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

I talked to a few people online who have physical limitations about the struggles they go through in their love relationships and here is what we came up with to make a 'troubled' relationship stronger.

So, we all know the ups and downs of love relationships right? Trust, love, desire, honesty it is all about working hard to keep things going. When you factor a physical limitation into all of that, what do you get? Well, you get a lot more hard work!

The spouse who isn't physically limited is bound to, at some point, feel like they are carrying way to much of the burden. The physically limited spouse is bound to feel guilty for not being able to do an equal amount of the physical aspects of having a family and they might also feel unappreciated for doing the stuff that they are able to do. Caring for the emotional well being of a household can sometimes be just as tiring as doing all of the driving, or carrying of kids, or fixing of things around the house.

So what happens when you put a person who feels like they do everything together with a person who feels guilty, but overworked (and always in pain) at the same time? FIREWORKS!!! Things can get rough. But if your relationship is strong and you work hard, you can overcome a lot.  When you add in the whole intimacy issue, when one partner has limitations on what they can do physically, well you have to work even harder.

I think the key thing in a relationship like this is UNDERSTANDING.  They physically able partner must absolutely understand what their partner is going through.  If they ever doubt their partner's physical capabilities that is going to ruin things right there. Understand and accept that they can not help you drive across the state, pull up carpet, carry the baby to the car. And for goodness sake  do not compare the physically limited partner to others.  Just because friend A has bad knees/hips/feet/back/eyes too and can do some physical stuff doesn't mean your partner can.  They may have different problems or different symptoms.

As for the physically limited partner, they need to realize that their significant other might need a bit more emotional support when they take over the physical duties of the house. An extra (or 100) 'good job!' can go a long way.  An extra hour break from doing the physical stuff (play on game console, taking a walk, watching TV, reading....) can also do wonders.  Don't be so hard on them if they don't finish a task right away.

Most of all, if there is only one person in the house bringing in income because of the physical limitations, do not hold that against the non working person.  There are plenty of things they do in  life to earn their share of the money brought home.  Money is one of the top problem causers in a relationship as it is, so don't make it worse in an already challenged relationship.

What is a good way to keep things going good in a challenged relationship?  Time alone is great.  Take a weekly, or even monthly date ALONE together.  If you have no one to babysit kids (if you have any) then by all means just let the kids play (or sleep) while you sit/lay alone in your bedroom and talk.  Talking is great for a relationship.

As for my relationship, I wouldn't say it's been easy because it hasn't, but we've done something right because in June we will be celebrating nineteen years of marriage and in October we will have been together 21 years!

Until next time...no matter what the challenges of your relationship are, if you want it to work then make it work. Relationships aren't easy, they are all about hard work!

NEW MOMMY BLOGGER BOOK!!!

I have a new book about my blog coming out this weekend.  It will be available from create space, amazon and kindle!  I am giving you all a sneak peek at my cover right here and now.

NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT...EXCEPT...

I have no clue what to write about so I just opened up a post and started typing.  It isn't that I am not inspired today, because I have had a wonderful day and am inspired by a lot.  I have received the electronic proof of my book and am waiting for the hard copy to get here.  I have found things I didn't like and have made the changes that are needed. If I like the cover and other physical aspects of the book I will be publishing sometime in the next week.  How exciting is that! And quite inspiring.

I MIGHT GIVE A HINT (IN PICTURES) ABOUT MY UPCOMING ROMANCE NOVEL AT THE END OF THIS POST

My kids are being, well, my kids.  They aren't doing anything out of the ordinary - good or bad.  They are just being themselves.  You know, The Senior and Freshman are fighting all the damn time as usual and I'm about ready to kick them both to the curb (okay not really, but it makes me feel better when I actually use the words.) Miss Crazy is suffering from Middle child syndrome, which she has been for awhile and we are doing what we can to ease it. (see child attached to my side whenever possible)  Mr. Insane is being, um, insane?  He is loud (extraordinarily so) He loves all things weapons, fighting and superheroes and for once I wish I didn't have to listen to him do weapon sound effects! (I want to banish him to his room until he is ready for college, but that just wouldn't be nice.) And Miss Little Butt is driving me up a wall with her attitude (Jeez older girls, I wonder where she got that from! Knock it off or I'll kick you to the curb! Dang it felt even better to say that a second time) And do you know what the worst part of her attitude is now?  It is the speech.  That girl can talk back now!!! The moment all parents dread.  I am spending most of my time these days being disciplinarian. (Okay, most of my time is spent working on the novel, but the rest of it is spent disciplining my kids so maybe, someday, they will grow up to be civilized adults)

What inspired me to write the paragraph about my brats wonderful darling children?  Well you see, Spring break starts at 3:45 tomorrow and I am going to have to be with them all day every day for a week (I won't mention that my wonderful husband will be on vacation and home the whole time too -- oops, I just did!) All I can say is that the weather better be nice enough for them to go outside sometimes or I'm gonna flip my Shiz. Really, try being locked in the house with six other people for a week because you can't afford to go anywhere to get away. We have our spring break so early here that we usually still have snow on the ground and freezing temperatures.  Who the hell ever thought of that?  NCSD has their heads so far up their hineys...but that is another story for another day.

Believe me, In the end I won't complain too much (more) because I will have help at home and I won't have to get my aching hips in and out of the car to chauffeur them to or from school. But seriously, if they fight all. the. damn. time. I am going to lock them myself in a dungeon and they  I will not be seen until they are old enough to move out and get married (was thinking college, but then they tend to come back too often)

Wish me luck folks!  This next week will be a true test of my endurance (and sanity)

Until next time...During spring break, winter break, summer break etc.  Remember you love your kids and hopefully you will survive, and if you don't, at least you will get a nice, happy, quiet place to be :p

Aspects, themes and ideas about the novel! :)

PHYSICALLY BROKEN - WHY?

I know it probably sounds like I am in a pretty bad self pity mood a lot lately, but I'm really not.  I am the happiest I have been in many many years.  The kids are doing really good (although we had a slight stress induced altercation between two of them the other day), My relationship is better than it has been in a long time and some of the spark is reignited. And my writing is going great. So what the hell is wrong with me now?  I am in some serious pain lately.  I think my hips are slowly but surely being helped by the exercises I have been doing, but that means I am hurting more with ever newly stretched muscle and popped joint, or could it be something else, something more sinister.

Emotionally I feel the most unbroken I've been in years, but physically I feel unbearably broken.  I am 42 years old and I feel as if my body is falling apart.  I start to feel great and my hips are able to move and the pain is at a minimum one day and then the next day I feel like I'm going to die. So what seems to be causing this problem.  Of course I truly believe the exercises help bring on the good days, but what brings on the bad....Two words...WAL MART.

I swear to you, every time I go to Wal Mart, the following day, I am in so much pain. You see, once upon a time, not too long ago, I worked there as a cashier. When I started working, I was healthy and happy.  About two months in, I started to suffer from intense foot pain. When I went to the doctor to find out what was going on (and maybe fix it so I could keep working) I was told that 90 percent of the foot pain patients they see work at the mart. Wow, my co workers weren't lying when they told me the floors would be the death of many feet, hips, backs and knees.

Come to find out I had plantar fascitis and although I probably would have developed it eventually anyway, it was brought on quicker by the floors I was standing on. I ended up only working there for two and a half months (and a month and a half of leave of absence) before I gave up the glamorous life to be a SAHM again. Within a month I started having my hip problems continuously instead of once or twice a year...and the rest is history. I know that if I have to go shopping, the pain will be worse for awhile, it's just how it is. (and please don't suggest I go to a different store because it really isn't possible.) I hope the exercises I am doing will eventually make me not fear shopping. Stronger hips will make better feeling hips.  And as for the foot, well that's just going to have to wait until I can afford 400 dollar custom inserts. :/

Now here comes the fun part.  I know I was destined to be broken , but I like to mess with people, so when they ask me how I became physically limited, instead of telling them that it is a birth defect (hips/back) or severe allergies (dizziness, sinus, migraine) or my lot in life (plantar fascitis) I just say Wal Mart. You should see the looks I get, especially from The Shooter's Co-workers as he still works for the corporation. I had all of these problems before I started working there, but only occasionally. After a couple of months standing on those floors I became a complete and utter mess. Coincidence? We may never know. It will be one of the greatest mysteries known to man. Um... I mean, who knows right? But I often have to wonder why I don't hurt nearly as much if I wander the mall, or Kmart, or Sam's Club...

Until next time...There are some things in this life that we may never know for sure.  Instead of continuing to dwell on it, we must accept it and move on. 

PSYCHED UP!

So I said I was going to cut back to two blog posts a week - Monday and Friday.  Well while driving The Shooter to work today I came up with a blog idea.  So I guess I will just have to say that I may only get two a week done while I am working on my novels but then again I might get three.  I advertise heavily when I put a new one up, so stay tuned :)

I have been asked to do a few more blogs about how my limitations affect life or how I deal with them or just information about them. So here you go!

Tranquility

Some days when you are 'broken' you have to psych yourself out to make sure you get through the day. For me the main worry is worrying about how I am going to juggle getting Little Butt in and out of the car, down the slick steps and across the icy/snowy pavement a thousand times when I am hurting and can't bend very well. (Okay, not a thousand times, but quite a few. It just seems like a thousand when I'm hurting)

The pain is usually pretty bad when I first wake up so I can't psych myself up for anything (except going back to bed). And when the kids are running around, being crazy and trying to get ready to leave the house I can't psych myself up either because I am faced with the prospect of immediately having to get them out of the house and into the car in one piece.

Recently I found the perfect place to psych myself up for the day when I need it.  We have two vehicles but one is not working so I have to take the Shooter to work (no physical ability required) and pick him up (have to get the kids in the car by myself).

Some days he has to go in at five, six or seven a.m., in a town of 50,000 people the streets are pretty much deserted at that time of the morning.  The minute The Shooter leaves the car I start to give myself the ultimate pep talk. (and there are no kids to interrupt me and no horrible drivers to divert my attention and it is so quiet out there). I am able to  tell myself that I can do this no matter what.  That even if Little Butt gives me problems getting dressed I can do it.  And you know what? It has been working.  I find it much easier to get through the day when I have that quiet time to prepare myself .

Now here comes the problem...bet you thought there wouldn't be one this time right? Well you see, I don't want to drive The Shooter to work.  I hate getting up so early and I hate driving in the dark. This leaves me with the question of what I will do to psych myself up when the tax refund comes and we fix his car.  I guess I could wake up a half hour before the kids, give myself fifteen minutes to stretch out some of the pain, and do it then. (I'm known for ditching plans to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary though.) I could go outside the night before where it is quiet and walk around for half an hour in the dark to psych myself out (although in the winter it is cold and in the summer it stays light way too late). Truthfully, I'm not sure what I will do once I don't have to drive the husband to work anymore, but you know, maybe that is half the problem. It really stresses me out to have to add that to my day.  And taking him to work might not include getting anyone in and out of the car by myself, but picking him up does. Maybe when I don't have to do that anymore I won't need so much preparation to get ready for my day because I won't have that extra pressure on my time and physical abilities. Who knows though. I guess we will see what happens when the time comes.  NOTE to my wonderful husband: Just because I hate having to drive you to and from work doesn't mean I don't love you <3

Until next time...Enjoy the quiet times, don't take them for granted. You can accomplish a lot in just a short time of contemplation.

HOME MEANS NEVADA

I know many people who move to a new place and it becomes home - there is no other place they would rather be. My mother and my in-laws are prime examples of this. My in-laws moved from the DC/Maryland area to Southern Nevada and we moved there from Florida/Oregon (although my parents had lived there before). I'm not entirely sure about the in-laws, but I am pretty sure you couldn't give my mom 10 million dollars to move away.

Southern Nevada

I have lived in Wyoming for almost 9 years now and I still get heart-achingly homesick for the beautiful, fresh Southern Nevada desert. I should be happy with where my family is and the place we will probably end up staying for a long long time (if not the rest of our lives) and on the surface I am. Deep down inside I would give almost anything to move back to the Las Vegas area. It isn't just because a huge part of my family is there and it isn't because as many people have told me 'the desert gets in your soul and you never want to leave it'. I really don't know what it is, but no matter where I go and no matter how much I love the places I go, Nevada is my HOME and always will be.

When someone asks me where home is I always have to stop myself from saying 'Nevada'. After all, home is now technically Casper, Wyoming. Doesn't the saying go "Home is where the heart is"? Well, my heart is split.  Part of it is in Southern Nevada and the other part is with my family in Wyoming. A lot of people tell me I should move back.  Oh my how I would love to, but I just can't.  The reason we left was because the heat and allergies bothered me to the point of sickness. I just can't do that to my family or myself.  They might not have me in many physical ways, but they do have me in many other ways that count heavily. If I were to add more sickness to everything they wouldn't have me at all and I wouldn't have myself either. I would be nothing.

Now this is not to say that I am unhappy, because I really am not.  I have a decent home  great husband,aand kids that I adore. I can't really ask for more.  There will just be a part of me that feels like I am not living at home. But if all else is good, I think I can live with that.

My hometown, Overton, NV

Is there any other place on earth that could make me that happy?  Maybe, you never know what could happen.  If any place could do it, I think Alaska could (it is my happy place after all), but if I never live there I will be just fine because I once knew a place that I called home. A place that I will always love with all my heart. My Home is Nevada, the place I live happily with my family is Wyoming (for the moment, you never know what the future brings.)

Until next time...love deeply and keep that love in your heart. If you do that, no matter what circumstances you face, you can always be happy with who YOU are. And of course, that is what counts the most.

I LOVE HER...NO MATTER WHAT

Today was rough. You know, one of those days where you feel as if you are truly broken and will never be fixed again. It was one of those days where you actually want to go back in time and change everything. Or at least it makes you wish you had a pack of cigarettes and a couple of shots of whiskey. And I don't drink or smoke!!! But you know I was tempted to give it a shot (pun intended).

 It all started with a girl problem that I won't get into on here, but it basically makes me feel like death and it really makes functioning even harder than it normally is. Then add on top of that a little girl who wakes up and does NOT want to get dressed, so by the time I struggle her into the clothes we are already about 15 minutes later than usual. And then she refuses to step foot out the door unless I am carrying her - down the stairs covered in snow. For those of you who read my introductory blog post, you know I have physical problems that keep me from lifting my baby doll too often let alone carrying her through ice and snow. So we drop Miss Crazy off to school and get home.  My hips feel like they have been through the ringer and since I don't have cigarettes or whiskey in the house and it is only 8:30 am, I get on the computer and work on all of my social media stuff. I actually come thisclose to quitting Facebook entirely. (But I couldn't do that to my fans).

Fast Forward a bit to after lunch. I am so relieved that things have been going smoothly and I start to relax. Big Huge Humongous Gargantuan mistake on my part. Little Butt decides she wants to follow me to the bathroom. Not a problem, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a kid in there watching me pee :/ However, miss decides she gets to try first.  I put her on and she doesn't go. Yay, it is my turn and I have really got to go. She puts all of her weight on the toilet seat and won't let me lift it.  I have to physically pick her up and move her just so I can go to the bathroom. That starts the whole scream/tantrum cycle. Everything being done, I try to leave the bathroom. Yeah, not so easy when you have a screaming, tantruming almost 2 year old blocking the door and your hip is screaming in pain. So, I finally pull a Houdini and get out of the bathroom and I lie on my bed to stretch that hip.  She cries the whole time and when I get up to go back into the bathroom (part of the girl problem I mentioned earlier) she is right there at the toilet not letting me raise the seat, so we do everything I described above all over again.

By now it is time to pick The Shooter up from work and since Little Butt is a nudist that means getting a diaper, pants and shoes on her.  I am determined to make her walk out this time so I don't have to carry her.  I don't know if I even have the ability to carry her anymore at this point.  She will not let me dress her.  She runs from me, I can't chase her. I lure her over and she struggles so hard I hear my hip pop. Finally I just have to get going and I am hurting so much that I pick her and her pants and shoes up and carry her out to the car in just a diaper and long sleeved shirt. It is 22 degrees.  She was not even phased. I get her hooked into the car (barely as I almost pass out) and put a blanket over her little legs and turn the heater on high. I climb in the car praying that I can actually lift my right leg to drive.  Yay!!!! I'm not totally out yet you damn stupid hip. I CAN STILL DRIVE - barely.

So what is the point of this post you ask? Other than to entertain you, because come on it is funny seeing a 2 year old get the best of a 42 year old three times in one day right.  Hey I laughed so you can too.  No, my point to this post is about the amazing healing power of the heart. I told a 'friend' from a social network site about the happenings and she was so angry and told me that she would have been mad at the child for weeks and that she probably would have been cussing the child out to everyone who would listen for a long time (she doesn't cuss out the child though thank God) I just don't understand.

• Was I angry with her - yes. 
• Did I show that to her - no. 
• Was I frustrated? - yes with her and with me and my 'broken' parts. 
• Did I complain to my friends - yes of course, but I did it in a kind of way that was like 'OMG guess what kind of day I had!' not 'Stupid tantruming kid'
• Do I blame Little Butt for the renewed bad state of my hips? No absolutely not, I am a mom and it is my job to have to pick her up sometimes so if I get hurt again then so be it. 

So, you might ask what was going through my mind during this whole episode. Well truthfully I was thinking things like:

• Is the baby okay, why is she acting like this, is it because her sisters went back to school today, is it because she is still mad at me for weaning her, is she hurting from her 2 year molars?
• What am I going to do if my back totally goes out. I still have a husband and kids to pick up and what if the two little ones here at home need me, will I be able to be there for them?
• God, I love this crying, screaming little baby so much. Please help us through this rough day and let us come out on the other side, alive and well.

Now normally after crying and meltdowns like that she likes to snuggle, but that hasn't been the norm as of late (ever since weaning). All I wanted to do was hold her and love on her.  She wouldn't let me of course. When we went to pick up The Shooter, she fell asleep in the car and he carried her into the house for me and laid her next to me on our bed.  I took that opportunity to snuggle, love and kiss on her before falling asleep holding her hand.  My heart that was broken from having to listen to her scream and cry so much was instantly healed.


Until next time...In the times of anger and hardship while parenting, please remember the love. It WILL pull you through.

EH I DON'T NEED SLEEP...OR DO I????

New Years morning I realized how important sleep truly is. Yes I have been sleep deprived before, after all I was a wild college kid (okay, semi wild - happy now?) and I am the mother of 5 horrible sleepers.

So, how did I come to this earth shattering conclusion  (Hey, it's earth shattering to me so :p). Well you see, it began about 2 1/2 years ago. On June 10th, 2010 I saw a plus sign on a little plastic device and within a week I was extremely sick and every night for the next 2 1/2 years, I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch and my awake times would be upwards of 1 1/2 hours.

First I had a warped version of pregnancy induced insomnia and then I had a newborn and then I had an infant/toddler who nursed 2-4 times during the night, e.v.e.r.y. n.i.g.h.t. When I finally weaned her I still found myself waking up several times a night. Your guess is as good as mine as to why I still managed to watch the clock strike 1:15, 2:30, and 4:30 just about every night.

I truly thought I was going to lose my mind from exhaustion (although at the time I didn't realize that is what I was suffering from). The kids were getting on my nerves so easily.  It even got so bad that sometimes I would just let them go at it because I needed to step back and take a breather.  Every little thing that happened annoyed me. The school would pull one of their stupid stunts and I felt like I would explode. Wal Mart got my online order wrong or even lost one of them and I just about had what I affectionately call a 'shit fit.' I mean damn, I even put my almost 2 year old (and my 'Scary Six' year old Miss Crazy) to shame.

Believe it or not, the thing that should have tipped me off the most to how exhausted I really was, was my new found intolerance of the cold. I absolutely love the cold.  I mean if I am going to go outside for less than a half hour I don't wear a jacket unless it is below 20 degrees.  The cold revives and rejuvenates me like nothing else does. But lately, I was cold all the time. It was 40 degrees outside and I was shivering and my teeth were chattering.  I just kept wondering why I was worn down enough to actually feel cold.  I had no clue. And then I started to get achy but I knew I didn't have the flu and the only other time I get achy is when I am over tired.  Why this symptom didn't hit me sooner I have no clue. (Is it stupid that I still didn't totally realize that exhaustion was my problem?  Yeah, don't answer that please)

Slowly since I weaned Little Butt, I have been able to nap more with the kids home on break they would all be together so I could slip away. And then came the best night of my life (okay, maybe not the best, but pretty damn good) New Years Eve I stayed up until just about 1 am and then I fell asleep and I did not move again until almost 6 am.  Yes!  I slept for about 5 straight hours without even one wake up.   [Insert earth shattering conclusion here] You do not even know how good that felt, and I finally realized for sure that exhaustion is what was making me bitchy.  I don't think it was the amount of sleep I was getting that tired me out, but the quality of the sleep.  I mean after all, I had been through a 3 year period when my son was little where I didn't sleep for more than 4 hours a night but I slept for four solid hours and yes I got tired, but I didn't feel as awful as I did this time. I truly wonder how much longer I would have lasted at this level.  I felt on the verge of a major....meltdown? sickness? breakdown?  I'm not sure which it would have been, but something major was coming and I was dreading it.

Now, I'm not quite so worried. I am slightly rejuvenated and I think I have found a few things that will help me sleep better.  Yes, I know there will be days when I am back in my old pattern like when the hip pain is bothering me but that is okay, I am a mom and I expect to be sleep deprived, just not exhausted to the brink of illness. Remember just because we chose to be moms does NOT mean that we are going to take being tired into stride and love every minute of it.  We can love being mothers and still hate being exhausted and complain about it to everyone who will listen.  So next time a tired mom complains to you please just listen and understand it is as real and as important as it would be to someone without kids.

Until next time...Sleep well. :D

WHAT I CAN DO!

        Because of my physical limitations, I used to be sad most of the time. I used to feel sorry for myself a lot too - until recently. (Oh boy, you should have seen some of the rockin’ pity parties I’ve had!) I’ve recently begun trying to retrain myself to be happy with what I can do and not worry so much about what I can’t.
I can’t go outside and roughhouse with the kids often (I bet my neighbors are glad they don’t have to see my fat butt running with a football or Frisbee), but I can make sure they are safe and then set them free to discover and create their own joys and methods of play. And most importantly I can be here to share the joys and hardships of their young lives. I get to be the first one to see their fresh, flushed faces and hear their near breathless joy when they first come inside from an exciting outdoor adventure. I can be the first one (and sometimes the only one) they share their adventures with!
I can’t spend all day making sure my family has a clean and comfortable house to live in, but I can help the kids by teaching  them how to keep their lives and houses organized and clean. I can also think up awesome room schematics and decor ideas that make their living space more comfortable. And I can turn a cleaning session into a fun group bonding moment.  I pick a room amid many moans and groans about the chore and I sort through drawers, boxes and mail while the kids do the organizing and straightening.  The afternoon quickly turns into an impromptu jam/gossip session and not only do we get to have a great time together, we get a clean comfortable room.
I can’t work outside of the home (I really, really miss retail during the holidays… and no, I’m not crazy I promise!), but I can always be there to give the kids anything they need. I can be their confidant, life coach and support system all rolled into one.  Because I don’t work, we can’t afford a lot of  ‘cool’ things for them, but I can help them enjoy what we do have.  Most of all, I can teach them that no matter what, all jobs have worth. Whether a job is inside or outside of the home or paid or not paid, hard work is hard work and we all need to do our best.
I can’t sit on the floor to play games with the family  but I can help them create ideas and ways to play while sitting next to me on the couch or bed.  I realized a long time ago that it was a good idea to keep old removable shelves from bookcases that we discard because they make great card tables and drawing surfaces! And all of the kids learn to drag a chair across the room at an early age in case they want to play near me but not right next to me.  Granted, it isn’t all totally smooth going because we always have to dig through the couch to find missing Legos and game pieces, but we have just as much fun playing my way as we would the traditional way.
I won’t lie, it has been a long road to ’positive land’, but it is worth it.  Life is so much better when you are happy with yourself.  There are a lot of things I can’t do, but there is so much more that I can! I have a lot to give my friends and family if they are willing to accept it.

Until Next time…<3

I EAT BON BON'S ALL DAY

     What does a housewife and mom with physical limitations do all day? Does she sit on her Throne and eat slimy, icky stuff like Jabba the Hutt(or on the couch and eat Bon Bon's like a stereotypical housewife)?  Truthfully, stereotypes and comparisons like that offend me, but also in truth I do have an occasional day where I do absolutely nothing physically or mentally.  Chronic pain can motivate you some days and knock you on your ass some days.  And this is the story of my life.

     Do I cook three square meals a day, clean every inch of the house, do dishes, do at least two loads of laundry, take the kids to two different parks and 'service' my husband before bed everyday?  Well, no I don't (and if you do, might I say wow, just wow!)  However, I also don't sit on the couch eating Bon Bons, ignoring my kids and having sex chats online all day either.  And I don't keep my kids on leashes and whip them if they don't keep my house spotless (have you ever seen my house 0-o). I do have relatives however that think the above is how I live my life and yeah that hurts, but it is a subject for another blog. 
     My true life is somewhere in the middle. I do my share of sitting on the couch playing games and on Facebook, but it is usually when the pain gets to be too much and I need to get my mind off of it.  I do pay all of the household bills (the family better hope nothing happens to me because I am the only one who knows all of the passwords, user names and account information ;p). I do the doctor visits and appointments for the kids plus I am majorly involved in menu creation and grocery shopping with The Shooter or The Senior.  I can fold laundry, help cook occasionally especially if it is something I can do sitting down, do dishes occasionally and once in awhile I can manage a major cleaning job in the kitchen or bathrooms (Yeah, my kids do a lousy job hoping I will magically heal and do it myself from then on - I WISH!!!). But sometimes it just gets too icky and I have to take charge as best as I can.
     So how do I keep my house decent you might ask??? Well, I have four kids who do chores nightly for 30-60 minutes(takes them longer usually though because they goof off, get distracted by the TV and pretend to go to the bathroom etc.).  But we work together and manage just fine. :)
     My biggest role in the house is 'whip cracker' [Figuratively people, FIGURATIVELY!] I organize, problem solve, arrange, discipline, and offer emotional support and love. And believe you me, you haven't played war games with a four year old boy until you have ambushed troops from a stationery position on the couch (with fire burning it's way down the outside of your thighs) and won. Now that is what I call fun. :D
     The next time someone with chronic pain or injury says they don'y want to, or can't do something, give them the benefit of the doubt. Let them give you what they can - amazing ideas, emotional support, fun, love and so much more. Believe me, it will be enough.
     Now off to fix lunch and pick up the living room for the second time. Yes that is another thing I do, although by 4:00 you really can't tell and the kids take over for that round of chores. 

Until next time...visit and like my Facebook page :)