LET THE FIGHTS (AND LAUGHS) BEGIN!!!

First, some business to take care of. If you want easier access to my favorite blogs you can pick up my book Until Next Time...The Blogging Adventures of  a Broken Housewife. Just follow the link 6.99 for paperback and .99 cents on kindle

Second, if you have bought one of my books whether it be the blog book or my romance novel, please, when you are done with it head on over to Amazon and leave a review!  That is how us indie authors survive in this business. Thank you so much for your support! :)
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Do you have those moments when your kids do something and you just want to laugh but it just wouldn't be appropriate. You know the times when one does something to another that is 'bad' and instead of laughing you must punish the offender. Of course with five kids we have a lot of that.

Do I always succeed at not laughing? No! But I sure do try (I really do, just ask anyone) But you know, sometimes it is hard not to laugh. Really, really, really, really hard. Okay, so sometimes it's just damn impossible.

The first time a child cusses is a prime example. But some recent episodes in our house go like this :
Un named sibling: Wah wah whine whine tantrum tantrum
Little Butt: Sut up now!Un named sibling: You shut up
Little Butt: SUT UP!!!!!!!! Screech

I didn't laugh at this one, but I sure wanted to. The rule in our house is that we don't say shut up to each other because I am sick and tired of my kids being rude to each other. (and yes, both kids were properly reprimanded)
Another instance - and of course you know this has to be a really bad one that I couldn't help but let a laugh burst out the first time so it has become a regular problem.
Mr. Insane: Go away Little Butt.
Little Butt: Pay me brubber (play with me brother)
Mr. Insane: GO AWAY I DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU (yelled and getting right up in her face)
Little Butt: {{{smack!}}} right on his cheek.
Mr. Insane: Mom Little Butt hit me!
Little Butt: {{{smack}}} on the leg and run away
Mr. Insane: Tears and screeches Aaaah aaaaah she's hurting me.
Little Butt: Runs back to brubber and {{{smack}}} on the leg.
If we don't seperate them, they could do this over and over for hours. But of course we don't want Little Butt to develop a habit of hitting even if she just thinks it is a fun game that brubber is playing with her.


Okay, so the first time this happened, before I knew what was going on I laughed (hangs head in shame) But really, when people get angry and all up in your face don't you at least have a little bit of a fantasy of smacking them? And when someone has the 'balls' to do it, it kind of hits your funny bone (besides, a little girl making a big boy cry like a baby is just well....funny (Okay, maybe i'm warped, but I know some of you out there find it funny too!). You do know that once that first laugh comes out, the two year old is going to think it is okay and that you are encouraging him/her to play the new 'game' with their sibling.


Well shit. I've done it again, I've totally warped one of my children. (Okay, I know it would have happened anyway, but still.) So we do the calm talking to her thing, the no you don't hit thing, the redirection thing. It works...eventually. In the mean time my poor baby boy is traumatized by being beat up (she doesn't hit that hard really, but he is a drama queen and I love him very much) by his baby sister. Alright, alright he probably isn't really traumatized because he just likes the attention, but still, I don't want him thinking that I enjoy watching his little sister get back at him for all of the sibling torture he puts her through. (Shut up! Don't even say it!) At least he knows that he isn't allowed to hit his baby sister right?


Okay so now that we've got a handle on that problem (I think, otherwise they are going to end up beating the shit out of each other by the time they are 7 and 10) we can move on to the next one. Hopefully it is a lighthearted as this one because I hate it when those occasional serious problems crop up.
Until Next Time...When you have one of those parent moments where you say to yourself 'shit, I shouldn't have done that because now my kid is going to be a no good delinquent', don't stress yourself over it so much. It is fixable! You just have to patient, calm and consistent. And in the meantime, enjoy the laugh at the expense of your children because goodness knows they will be getting many at your expense through the years. ;)

PATIENCE - THOUGHT I HAD IT

Want to know what is scary as hell? We gave away over 400 books in our free weekend promo and that means, excluding friends who bought them, there are about 400 strangers who now know my name and own one of my books!!!! Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!! Now lets just hope a good number of them leave reviews on Amazon and Goodreads so my rank goes up and my book is more visible and I can sell some!!! I'm not in this for the money, obviously, but it would be nice to make back my initial investment.....haha!
I never expected that many free books to 'sell'. When I look for free romance books on Amazon there are so many that I get tired of looking after about the first ten pages or so. I'm not sure how people found my book, but they sure did. There were only two countries in Amazon's network that didn't buy any books. I was shocked that people in France, Italy, Spain, England etc were interested in my little books.

At least now I know that people find the subject matter interesting because I know for me, if the subject doesn't sound interesting, I won't get the book even if it is free. I just needed a little exposure and that exposure was the word "free" attached to my book. Now if I get the reviews, people might see that it is worth the money to actually buy it!

Now it is just wait and see. I've read articles where people said it takes a week to a month to start noticing results from free giveaways. I can be a patient person when I need to be. I hope this is one of those times that I can be the most patient person on the planet because if I can't, it isn't going to be fun in my house. I'll get moody and start second guessing myself (all while writing book two in my series) and the kids will notice. I might get a bit snippy if I'm feeling down enough (yeah, my mood is what makes me snippy and not the kids themselves...right?)

Of course I will have to try to stop myself from checking my statistics multiple times a day, although again, patience comes in handy for that too. I tend to check things over and over until I go insane. If I can check them maybe once a day or even once every other day I think maybe that would help. (Yeah, don't count on it, but at least I'm trying right?)

I tend to have patience for some things more than others. My kids, yeah as long as they aren't being overly obtuse, I have a lot of patience for them. Waiting for a package to come or to find out how many page views I've had - not so much. I have been know to track my packages obsessively ( kind of like when I found out a Kindle Fire gift was being sent to me) and I have been known to check my blog stats every half hour.

Okay so as I write this I am learning something about myself. I don't have nearly as much patience as I thought. What the heck. I always considered myself to be a very patient person but really there are only some situations when I have any patience. Oh boy. Now I must reconsider my whole life. ;)

Until Next Time...Beware of writing blog posts. You might just learn something new about yourself. No really what I want to say is that you should try your hardest to have patience. Being impatient can cause a lot of trouble, heartache and craziness...Hey, maybe that's why I'm so crazy...hmmm something else to think about. :D

SOCIAL NETWORKING

I really had no idea, I mean no idea!!!! There are so many social networking sites out there now and until I published a book on my own, I had no idea how many.  I was part of facebook, twitter, tumblr and I had an unused myspace account. Now I have a linkedin, amazon book club, bookblog, IAN social network and probably a dozen others that I don't visit every day. What I will do to sell copies of my book has become absolutely nuts.

I can't tell you how many times a day I copy and paste my URL's, links, book synopsis, author bio and type in my email address.  You would think I memorized everything right?  Oh hell no.  I'm too lazy to do that.  Copy/Paste is my best friend! One of these days when i'm not working on the next book, hanging with the kids or social networking I will get all of the info I use on those sites and put them all in the same document to make copying easier.  As it is now, I have a million tabs open on the computer at any given time so I have access to all of my stuff.

Is it a waste of time?  I have no idea yet.  I guess we will find out if in a couple of months none of my efforts have resulted in sales.  I will definitely have to consider cutting back if it all seems for naught. It takes a lot of work to get the word out.  I'm really afraid that I won't get the 'hang' of it and I will end up spending more time networking my first novel than I will writing the second one.  I literally marketed all day for two days.  And it seems like every day I find a new way to do it and that just adds to my workload.

I hope to get into a routine.  7 am -10 am marketing and networking, 11 am - 6 pm writing, 6:30 pm-7:30 pm marketing and networking and then 8:00- bedtime writing.  We'll see how that goes.

At this point I am willing to do just about anything (free) to get my book out there and noticed.  I"m not looking to sell a million copies, but I would love to have a loyal following and know that people like what i've done!  In the end, I know the hard work will be worth it and if I ever get discouraged (or bored with the marketing) all I have to do is remind myself of this.

The most exciting part of this whole process is meeting some great new people!  You have the people you follow on twitter who won't follow you back because you are possible competition  yet they have no problem periodically DM ing you to remind you to buy their stuff. :/ and then on the exact opposite side of that you have the ones who offer to do interviews or spotlights of your work free of charge!  I've already had my first author interview because a gentleman (and fellow author) was willing to give me a chance.  I will forever be grateful to him for that.  I will link later to his site so you can check out his work.  I can't wait to get my first copy of one of his books! You also find people who are excited to have a new author in the field and they give you many websites and much great advice to help you succeed. I must say, I have met some wonderful people through social networking/marketing and for that I am grateful and it makes me want to be just like them and help others succeed in their goals.

So for now, I am busy busy busy, a bit overwhelmed, and wonderfully happy with the way things are going.  For once, I am actually enjoying my job! (Yes you can enjoy it and be annoyed/flabergasted/overwhelmed by it because that means you are being challenged!)

Until next time...If you start a new endeavor, be prepared to work very hard!  In the end it will be well worth it and hopefully you will have the time of your life!  :) If you want to buy my book, I have links on the side!  Check them out :)

Please visit http://rcbonitz.com and check out his work.  He did my first author interview and I hope to have him on here soon in an author interview!  :) and if you hurry you might still be able to read my interview! :)

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

I talked to a few people online who have physical limitations about the struggles they go through in their love relationships and here is what we came up with to make a 'troubled' relationship stronger.

So, we all know the ups and downs of love relationships right? Trust, love, desire, honesty it is all about working hard to keep things going. When you factor a physical limitation into all of that, what do you get? Well, you get a lot more hard work!

The spouse who isn't physically limited is bound to, at some point, feel like they are carrying way to much of the burden. The physically limited spouse is bound to feel guilty for not being able to do an equal amount of the physical aspects of having a family and they might also feel unappreciated for doing the stuff that they are able to do. Caring for the emotional well being of a household can sometimes be just as tiring as doing all of the driving, or carrying of kids, or fixing of things around the house.

So what happens when you put a person who feels like they do everything together with a person who feels guilty, but overworked (and always in pain) at the same time? FIREWORKS!!! Things can get rough. But if your relationship is strong and you work hard, you can overcome a lot.  When you add in the whole intimacy issue, when one partner has limitations on what they can do physically, well you have to work even harder.

I think the key thing in a relationship like this is UNDERSTANDING.  They physically able partner must absolutely understand what their partner is going through.  If they ever doubt their partner's physical capabilities that is going to ruin things right there. Understand and accept that they can not help you drive across the state, pull up carpet, carry the baby to the car. And for goodness sake  do not compare the physically limited partner to others.  Just because friend A has bad knees/hips/feet/back/eyes too and can do some physical stuff doesn't mean your partner can.  They may have different problems or different symptoms.

As for the physically limited partner, they need to realize that their significant other might need a bit more emotional support when they take over the physical duties of the house. An extra (or 100) 'good job!' can go a long way.  An extra hour break from doing the physical stuff (play on game console, taking a walk, watching TV, reading....) can also do wonders.  Don't be so hard on them if they don't finish a task right away.

Most of all, if there is only one person in the house bringing in income because of the physical limitations, do not hold that against the non working person.  There are plenty of things they do in  life to earn their share of the money brought home.  Money is one of the top problem causers in a relationship as it is, so don't make it worse in an already challenged relationship.

What is a good way to keep things going good in a challenged relationship?  Time alone is great.  Take a weekly, or even monthly date ALONE together.  If you have no one to babysit kids (if you have any) then by all means just let the kids play (or sleep) while you sit/lay alone in your bedroom and talk.  Talking is great for a relationship.

As for my relationship, I wouldn't say it's been easy because it hasn't, but we've done something right because in June we will be celebrating nineteen years of marriage and in October we will have been together 21 years!

Until next time...no matter what the challenges of your relationship are, if you want it to work then make it work. Relationships aren't easy, they are all about hard work!

COURAGE

Yesterday was a huge day for my family. Something we had all been working toward finally came to fruition. I became a published author. Everybody is so happy for me and I am grateful for the support.

So the day was all a giant celebration right? Nope. It was at first.  The family went out for lunch and they gave me peace and quiet while I finished up the marketing and kindle publishing. But then as usual  mama started to get a bit overwhelmed. Still excited - absolutely. Still grateful - absolutely. Absolutely one hundred percent overwhelmed - Oh hell yeah!

The Shooter and I decided to go out for dinner alone to celebrate and I perked up a bit, but as soon as we got home I started to slide again.  What the hell had I gotten myself into! People on my Facebook groups were talking about reading what I'd written. Crap what had just happened? Just a couple years ago it was almost impossible for me to let anyone read what I wrote. I had to literally force myself to let my own husband read it, and here I was putting it out there for everyone to read.

I started to second guess myself. What if it sucked.  What if the feedback I got from friends, family and strangers was all a lie.  What if I disappointed my friends when they read the book.  What if, what if, what if.  I had a lot of that going on last night! By the time I went to bed, I was about ready to crawl into a hole and hide forever so I wouldn't have to see the faces/hear the voices/see the posts of people who were reading my book.  I convinced myself that I didn't have any talent whatsoever and that I had just embarrassed myself on a global scale.

I read for a bit before bed - another self published author who I wont' mention by name, and checked Facebook on my phone one last time.  There I found out from a friend that my kindle version was finally available so of course I had to drag my big butt out of bed to get online to check. And there it was, in all it's glory, with a preview of the prologue, chapter 1 and part of 2. I read it and truthfully it was good. Much better than the book I'd just been reading (and it wasn't that bad really). I know I am nowhere near a great writer, I will probably never be the next Steven King, or Nora Roberts, , Edgar Alan Poe, or Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens). But you know, I could be worse and I think I wove a great story. And I know I will get better with time and with each book I write and each bit of studying I do.

So, what did it take for me to be a published author?  Courage. Plain and simple it took courage.  But how did I get that courage?  I am the biggest chicken s**t in the world when it comes to putting myself out there.  I hate criticism and I hate negativity. Well, truthfully I will never know what gave me the courage.  I had a lot of support and great people to work with, but I don't think that would have been enough to get me over my horrible fears.  All I know is that I am grateful for the courage I was able to come up with because this is absolutely the best feeling in the world right now.  I can't count on both hands how many books I've sold so far and the rush is incredible.  I know I will have more moments of self doubt (probably many more) but I am prepared to combat them.......with COURAGE.

Until next time...If you finally find the courage to do something you've always wanted to do but were too afraid to pursue it, then go with the flow!!!! Don't question it, just do it! Courage can pop up in times when you least expect it and for that I will be forever grateful.

I DID IT!!!

So, guess what I did on Friday?  Yep!  I finished the romance novel I was writing. I think the only thing I've ever been that thrilled about in my life was getting married and giving birth. If my hips hadn't been hurting, I think I could have done some sort of end zone dance or maybe jumped off the roof in joy.  But I just kinda danced around the house and got a lot of hugs from my kids.

These kids (characters in my book) were conceived eight years ago and I just now finally gave birth! Now we are in the editing stage right now.  The senior is an aspiring English teacher so she is doing all of the punctuation/grammar editing and then I and my friend will do content editing. Someday, hopefully, I will be able to hire someone to do the editing because I hate hate hate doing it myself. Layout is pretty much set (and I must say the interior is going to be pretty), we just have to plug in the finished project when I type in all of the changes.  Sigh....Someday I will hire a typist. I used to love to type, but I just can't sit and do it like I want to, because of my hips.

So what's next?  Well, I have to decide on a cover. I never thought this part of the project would be so hard! I want it to be super special though because I can't afford to buy rights to a lustful couple picture to put on there. I have three options right now that I love, but I JUST CAN'T DECIDE!  I have been asking for opinions and it still doesn't make it any easier, because once my friends chose one, I find another style I like.  So, my point with this? It might take another eight years to publish because I can't chose a damn cover! Haha!

So, after the cover is picked we will wrap up all loose ends and it will be time to publish.  I am so excited I can't even concentrate sometimes. lol  It looks like the book will be 5 x 8 and about 313 pages or so (not counting title, copyright etc. pages)  I thought I was going to be lucky to get 200 pages out of it.  So that was a pleasant surprise. This book has a little bit of everything; drama, love, passion, heartbreak, comedy, fun and SEX, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised at how long it is.

So, would you all like to read the synopsis that will appear on the back of my book?  Okay, here it is:  VIRGIN VOYAGE

Example of interior layout

"I've waited a lifetime to touch you like this"

Mari Mannon and Graham Blake always loved each other, but life kept getting in the way. An Alaskan cruise vacation might be just the place to overcome their demons and rebuild the love they once had--to discover a passion they’ve never known. But first, Mari must cast aside her inhibitions to become the independent, carefree woman she once was. And Graham must  learn to believe in love again. Can they find their way, or will everything fall apart for good?

And the good news? There will be four more books in the series. One about each of the Mannon Children - Next up is Alaskan Ambush! If you want to read excerpts of Virgin Voyage visit my other site http://www.writerjjellis.com 

Coming soon: Sneak peek at the cover! (If I ever chose one :/)

Until next time...Follow your dreams no matter how long it takes.  Keep at it, and no matter what, you have to work hard! 

DISTRACTIONS AND GUILT - GOOD OR BAD

What is your biggest distraction? Right now for me it is YouTube. I have to listen to music while I write and the easiest place to make a set playlist is on my YouTube. Pandora plays songs I don't like and that is completely unacceptable when I'm working. (I know, I know, picky picky me) Besides, it's really annoying when I have to let Pandora know whether I like a song to have them play it again - even when i'm not working. I have Spotify too,but it doesn't work well on my computer for some reason so I haven't had a chance to figure out how it works yet.

So you might be asking me why YouTube is so distracting for me. The answer: It's the official videos/live performances! All of the songs I have on my playlist are ones that I have loved for years and most of them have videos/musicians that I grew up with. I can not keep myself from watching some of these over and over again. So, while I'm watching the videos my work has to wait until I am done.

I know what you are going to say next. "Don't put the videos on your playlist, use fan made vids and lyric vids to play the songs." You know what?  I've tried doing that and for some strange reason, I just can't.  For some reason it is just not the same and I end up deleting the play list to start again - with official videos/live performances.

Now my problem is this - how do I get a decent amount of work done when I have these videos tempting me time and time again?  I really have no solution.  Is it safe to say that I enjoy these distractions and really don't want to do anything about them?  YES!!! OMG I love watching videos while I work, but then I feel guilty when I don't just sit down and bang out twenty pages in a row. (Okay, maybe not twenty, but a lot.)

For now I think I will teach myself to be happy with the joy the videos/live performances give me and the energy I get from them to eventually do my work. I find that I am a bit more creative after one of my many 'breaks' to watch the videos.  Maybe someday I will learn to balance things, but then again maybe I won't. I am kind of enjoying myself and I know I can be trained to not feel guilty anymore.  So for now....Please carry on, I guess the status quo isn't so bad. (I may change my mind when I get picked up by a traditional publisher and my deadlines are no longer my own though! ;))

Until next time...Guilt can be so very powerful. However, we all need distractions (to a point). In the end, I believe they make us perform better. If you want or need a break, take it when you get the chance! And by all means, don't feel too guilty about it. :)

PSYCHED UP!

So I said I was going to cut back to two blog posts a week - Monday and Friday.  Well while driving The Shooter to work today I came up with a blog idea.  So I guess I will just have to say that I may only get two a week done while I am working on my novels but then again I might get three.  I advertise heavily when I put a new one up, so stay tuned :)

I have been asked to do a few more blogs about how my limitations affect life or how I deal with them or just information about them. So here you go!

Tranquility

Some days when you are 'broken' you have to psych yourself out to make sure you get through the day. For me the main worry is worrying about how I am going to juggle getting Little Butt in and out of the car, down the slick steps and across the icy/snowy pavement a thousand times when I am hurting and can't bend very well. (Okay, not a thousand times, but quite a few. It just seems like a thousand when I'm hurting)

The pain is usually pretty bad when I first wake up so I can't psych myself up for anything (except going back to bed). And when the kids are running around, being crazy and trying to get ready to leave the house I can't psych myself up either because I am faced with the prospect of immediately having to get them out of the house and into the car in one piece.

Recently I found the perfect place to psych myself up for the day when I need it.  We have two vehicles but one is not working so I have to take the Shooter to work (no physical ability required) and pick him up (have to get the kids in the car by myself).

Some days he has to go in at five, six or seven a.m., in a town of 50,000 people the streets are pretty much deserted at that time of the morning.  The minute The Shooter leaves the car I start to give myself the ultimate pep talk. (and there are no kids to interrupt me and no horrible drivers to divert my attention and it is so quiet out there). I am able to  tell myself that I can do this no matter what.  That even if Little Butt gives me problems getting dressed I can do it.  And you know what? It has been working.  I find it much easier to get through the day when I have that quiet time to prepare myself .

Now here comes the problem...bet you thought there wouldn't be one this time right? Well you see, I don't want to drive The Shooter to work.  I hate getting up so early and I hate driving in the dark. This leaves me with the question of what I will do to psych myself up when the tax refund comes and we fix his car.  I guess I could wake up a half hour before the kids, give myself fifteen minutes to stretch out some of the pain, and do it then. (I'm known for ditching plans to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary though.) I could go outside the night before where it is quiet and walk around for half an hour in the dark to psych myself out (although in the winter it is cold and in the summer it stays light way too late). Truthfully, I'm not sure what I will do once I don't have to drive the husband to work anymore, but you know, maybe that is half the problem. It really stresses me out to have to add that to my day.  And taking him to work might not include getting anyone in and out of the car by myself, but picking him up does. Maybe when I don't have to do that anymore I won't need so much preparation to get ready for my day because I won't have that extra pressure on my time and physical abilities. Who knows though. I guess we will see what happens when the time comes.  NOTE to my wonderful husband: Just because I hate having to drive you to and from work doesn't mean I don't love you <3

Until next time...Enjoy the quiet times, don't take them for granted. You can accomplish a lot in just a short time of contemplation.

MY NEW BABY

I am in the process of giving birth again. Only this time the 'creature' I give birth to will not be a child so to speak. It will be one of the great loves of my life, but it will not be a breathing, squealing, eating, sleeping, pooping child.  This particular birth is from my mind.  My first Novel - Virgin Voyage.

Last night when I was laying there thinking of how the heck I was going to function on such little sleep I realized that the novel I am writing is very similar to a child. It causes worry, frustration, sleepless nights, and complete and utter joy. All of the things my children have inflicted upon me time and time again through the years. By the time my writing career is over I wonder how many 'children' I will have.  Many I hope because I wouldn't trade these things for the world.

You see, I started writing this novel in 2005. I fell totally, madly, deeply in love with all of the characters, especially the two main characters. I ate, drank, and slept this story. It was so hard for me because I always doubt my abilities to tell a good story but I loved everything about it so much that I couldn't imagine not finishing it.  Well, I eventually did finish it and sent a proposal to a publisher.  The minute I sent the query letter in the mail I knew I had made a mistake.  These characters and story would not fit in with this company. I didn't really want them to either. I would have to change too much and sacrifice too much.  Well when the rejection letter came saying the story didn't fit their requirements I was of course a bit hurt, but also very relieved.  I vowed to find a better way to showcase this special work.  But not quite yet.  I had worked on it so much that I could barely look at it after I finished it. It caused me way too much anxiety. I was afraid on one hand to spoil it and on the other hand to have it rejected. So here we are almost 8 years later and thanks to this blog I finally have the courage to tackle it again.


Here is where the worry comes in : The first thing I did was cut some crap from it.  Boy my writing skills have come a long way since then! Stuff I thought was an integral part of the story turned out to be excess fluff that just had to go. It took me a month of fretting and worrying daily to finally decide that I had the courage to do it. And once I did, the product I had left started to make me very excited. I started to fall completely in love with the characters and story all over again.

Now comes the frustration: Trying to get this new Chapter 1 perfect is driving me nuts! Once again I am second guessing my writing skills and some of my story devices to the point that if I don't just stop and be happy with what my three proof readers says is great, I will literally go flippin insane. (See mom sitting on the couch staring blankly at everyone for the rest of her life) AAAAAAHHHHHHHH. And you know what? Each subsequent chapter is going to be the same damn torture.

That brings us to the sleepless nights. Until this novel is complete and I upload it to Create Space, I will probably not sleep well (and as those who regularly read my blog know, that isn't good since I haven't slept well much of the last two years and 8 months). I lay awake thinking about these characters and the story and what I could do to make it better. I toss and turn wondering if what I am doing is right and if I am good enough (Yep, I"m full of self doubt yo!). And then I lay there wondering about the characters and story all over again.  At least I love these things that keep me awake at night right?  (Kids included ;))

Well now we will end with complete and utter joy: How could I not be totally thrilled with these characters that I love so much. How could I not be thrilled with sharing them with people who want to see me succeed (and total strangers - now that is scary!) Everything about this book whether it is a success or a giant failure is going to bring joy and peace to my life because it is my first, and will probably be my best loved NOVEL!!!

Until next time...If you have a passion for something, just do it and have fun and fall in love with it. The happiness it brings is indescribable and the ride to get there is crazy enjoyable.

FAILURE - IT REALLY IS OKAY!

Miss Crazy didn't want to do her nightly reading race assignment and boy did she throw a fit about it. You know one of those fits where you hope the neighbors suddenly put earplugs in right before the tantrum began. After the start she had in school, I often worry about whether she is being pushed too hard. When she entered Kindergarten she didn't recognize all of her ABC's and couldn't count above 15. By the third month of school she was in advanced math and reading.  Next week she starts 2nd grade math and is only 1/2 way through first grade. Sometimes I think the schools are pushing the kids too hard, I mean this is nothing like what I learned in Kindergarten, hell, it isn't even close to what The Senior and Freshman learned their first year in school.  But in this case I don't think she is being pushed too far (although it always enters my mind when stuff like this happens) This particular incident was a classic case of the computer being too inviting before homework was done.  We can deal with that!  And of course, knowing how my mind works, this started me thinking of the bigger picture (not to mention The Shooter and I having this conversation just the other day and him mentioning that I should write a blog about it)

Are we sometimes pushing our kids too far? Do we expect too much of them? And I'm not talking about what schools teach either.  I'm talking about the mentality that you MUST get straight A's, you MUST win every contest, you MUST be the best at your sport. If the child has never failed before, what will happen when they finally run into that big wall of failure that is bound to pop up in front of them someday. What happens when they get that one college professor who doesn't dole out A's easily or what happens when the new kid moves to town who has been playing the sport longer and does it better.

As a child, disappointing your parents can be a huge deal and as you get older, that moves on to bosses, significant others, peers and sometimes even strangers. Am I saying we should just let our kids fail left and right and not even get them to try?  No, definitely not! We need to let them know that we expect them to do their best and try their hardest but that it is okay to fail sometimes.  After all, failure is the stepping stone to success. We MUST know how to fail in order to truly succeed and be happy with that success. 

Not to mention how failure can affect people sometimes.  Someone I used to know was popular, athletic, got straight A's and then she went to college. While there, she suddenly couldn't make the team, get the popular guys and A's were harder to come by.  She married the first guy who came along, gave up on her educational/professional dreams and got involved with some less than stellar people...all because she had never failed before and thought that life was going to be a bunch of successes.  Luckily the same parents who pushed her too hard realized what they had done and helped her pull out of the bad places she went.  She now has a new husband, wonderful kids and a great career, although not the one she had dreamed of. She once told some former classmates that she wished she had failed just once as a child.

While doing research for a paper, the Senior read about a man who had so much pressure from his family to be the best academically that when he didn't receive one academic achievement at the end of his school career he killed seven people and himself. I couldn't imagine being that upset over something like that.  But as a child I was taught to do my best and if I failed, I picked myself back up and tried again.  I truly believe that taught me how to function in this life. I fail everyday (especially physically) but I keep getting up and trying again and guess what, I'm not afraid to fail and I am very happy when I succeed. I have a good life.

Until next time...If your child doesn't get an A in that one class, remember that it is okay. Teach your children that failure just happens sometimes and it will only serve to make them better people. The Shooter always likes to say that the only time in his life that failure wasn't an option was in the military when he was dealing with firearms and explosives. Yeah, I can see that. :)