SENIOR PROM

It is prom time here and this will be the last chance for The Senior to go to one.  But she really isn't interested in going.  A lot of people give her flack about not wanting to go, they say she will regret it when she is older.  I told her to follow her heart and do what she wants. What is true for one person isn't true for others.

I never went to prom and I don't regret it one bit. I never sat there wondering what could have been.  To me prom seemed to be somewhat of an overwhelming  prospect. Perfect dresses, dinner plans, so much money, being in a crowded gym that was beautifully decorated but still a gym. So much to do and plan, so many expectations to live up to when I just wasn't interested at the time. I did often wonder if I would someday regret it, but it is now twenty-four years later and I'm not too upset at all. 

I think the reasons for not wanting to go to prom have changed in some ways over the years, and not changed in others. I know for The Senior, a big reason for not going is how the kids dance nowadays. Let's just say, from what I've been told, these kids put dirty dancing to shame! And the school can't seem to get a handle on it. They have a plan in place where the kids get two wrist bands and if you get caught once you lose a wrist band and have a 'time out' and then if you get caught again, you lose the last wrist band and get kicked out.  Ummm when I was in school you got caught doing something like that once and you were gone and on in-school suspension for three days. Period. End of damn story.  So, not only were you out the money you spent on your date, but you also got to spend the next three school days looking at the inside of a cubicle in the suspension room. Needless to say, there wasn't much misbehavior at our school dances. 

There are also the usual social reasons for not wanting to go that haven't changed over the years. Will my dress be pretty enough? Can we afford to do all of the fun stuff that other kids are doing, do I know my date well enough to know that he/she isn't going to try to get something I'm not ready to give up? Am I a good enough dancer. Do I have the courage to ask someone to go to the dance with me?  

Well, for the Senior there would be no problem getting her a dress because we had just had our tax refund and they have a great consignment type shop here that carries all of the latest styles of dresses and is affordable and if worse comes to worst, the school nurse keeps a stash to lend out for free (and they are very nice dresses) We could also come up with some extra spending money for stuff if we had to and her boyfriend would definitely make sure she had a great time. That brings us to the other problem some kids have, asking someone to the prom.  Because she has a steady boyfriend, she would have a ready made date whom she trusts and shares moral views with (as a mom I sure hope that is true right!?!?). She might be worried about whether she is a good dancer, but I don't think that is at the top of her worry list and if she wanted to there are always dance lessons offered by the school (another effort to try to clamp down on dirty dancing).  

But once she thought about it and sat down with her boyfriend and discussed it, she decided that prom just wasn't for her. It was not one of those things she wanted to do.  Why couldn't she and her boyfriend go out to dinner, hang out with friends before they head to prom, and maybe take in a movie or some other activity like that. And they can still make it a special date to remember just as a prom is for some. (Although she didn't ask if she could do this, she just told me she was going to and that could have been bad, because I could have been mean mommy and said no. But I might just give her a break this time because after all senior prom night only comes once...even if you aren't going to prom.) 

I am so proud that The Senior didn't let her friends talk her into doing something she just really didn't want to do. Something that would have been a waste of money and resources and would have been a very uncomfortable situation for her and her date. If you want to go, then do it, and make sure you have a wonderful memory filled night to remember, but if you don't want to go, don't sweat it! Even if all you do is stay home and read a book, that is fine because it was a choice that you made.  Be proud of that!  

And to cover all bases, for those who truly can't afford it, or can't find a date, don't regret it because it isn't the end of the world.  Prom is what you make it. If you know you don't have a date or can't afford to go, turn prom into something that just isn't for you. Be positive about your feelings and never regret a thing you've done. 

Until Next Time...Don't let people pressure you into doing something you don't want to do! Do what you feel is right. And if you can't do something you wanted to, don't regret it, there are far more important things to worry about in life. 

DISTRACTIONS AND GUILT - GOOD OR BAD

What is your biggest distraction? Right now for me it is YouTube. I have to listen to music while I write and the easiest place to make a set playlist is on my YouTube. Pandora plays songs I don't like and that is completely unacceptable when I'm working. (I know, I know, picky picky me) Besides, it's really annoying when I have to let Pandora know whether I like a song to have them play it again - even when i'm not working. I have Spotify too,but it doesn't work well on my computer for some reason so I haven't had a chance to figure out how it works yet.

So you might be asking me why YouTube is so distracting for me. The answer: It's the official videos/live performances! All of the songs I have on my playlist are ones that I have loved for years and most of them have videos/musicians that I grew up with. I can not keep myself from watching some of these over and over again. So, while I'm watching the videos my work has to wait until I am done.

I know what you are going to say next. "Don't put the videos on your playlist, use fan made vids and lyric vids to play the songs." You know what?  I've tried doing that and for some strange reason, I just can't.  For some reason it is just not the same and I end up deleting the play list to start again - with official videos/live performances.

Now my problem is this - how do I get a decent amount of work done when I have these videos tempting me time and time again?  I really have no solution.  Is it safe to say that I enjoy these distractions and really don't want to do anything about them?  YES!!! OMG I love watching videos while I work, but then I feel guilty when I don't just sit down and bang out twenty pages in a row. (Okay, maybe not twenty, but a lot.)

For now I think I will teach myself to be happy with the joy the videos/live performances give me and the energy I get from them to eventually do my work. I find that I am a bit more creative after one of my many 'breaks' to watch the videos.  Maybe someday I will learn to balance things, but then again maybe I won't. I am kind of enjoying myself and I know I can be trained to not feel guilty anymore.  So for now....Please carry on, I guess the status quo isn't so bad. (I may change my mind when I get picked up by a traditional publisher and my deadlines are no longer my own though! ;))

Until next time...Guilt can be so very powerful. However, we all need distractions (to a point). In the end, I believe they make us perform better. If you want or need a break, take it when you get the chance! And by all means, don't feel too guilty about it. :)

DIFFERENT AS NIGHT AND DAY

For parents of more than one child or if you plan to have more than one:

If you are lucky they all have different personalities, unique and special. If everyone were the same it would be kinda boring right? But then again...it can be exhausting keeping up with all of the different quirks, likes and dislikes. Then for my family, throw Autism into the mix and you have one wild ride. It really never gets boring that is for sure!

What started me thinking of this topic? Simple, it was a trip to the Pizza Hut buffet. We rarely go out for pizza unless it is to a buffet because we can never agree on toppings.  Every child has their own likes, dislikes and texture problems and The Shooter and I have food intolerance's to contend with so either we order a whole lot of pizzas or we go to a buffet. And since we don't really want to spend that much on dinner, the buffet it is! (Besides, I am a salad fanatic and if I want more than lettuce and carrot slivers on a salad I have to go there to get it! And the best blue cheese in town too!)

So, how do my kids personalities differ? Haha, let me tell you!

• The Senior is a total mom figure which means that she believes she is always right and that her word is law. Unfortunately she tries to use it on adults and older kids rather than just the little ones when she is babysitting. She sometimes has to be reminded that she is just a kid and she needs to have fun. Mom, mature, playing it safe, a worrier, and overtaking are all words that I would use to describe her personality. (I'll tell you one thing though, when I get old and decrepit - more so than I already am - I want her to be the one to coordinate my care - she is totally capable)

• The Freshman is like a big kid with major obsessions. She has a routine that she likes to follow and if you change things up it really affects her functioning. She can also be wild and fun and hilarious. She knows how to let loose as long as it is on her terms. She sometimes has to be reminded that there are others to consider in her plans. I know her Autism affects her personality greatly.  Loud, Crazy, Fun and excitable are the words I would use to describe her. (When I need cheering up, she can get the job done even if she has to practically stand on her head!)

• Miss Crazy is the rebel, suffers from middle child syndrome and also has a bit of the mom bug that bit her sister. She wants what she wants and knows how to make you suffer if she doesn't get it. And that pout is hard to resist...but I've learned how finally! She is also the child who tries to get attention (mostly positive) because she sometimes feels ignored and left behind because she is the middle child. And of course since she is more like her oldest sister than any other sibling, she tends to act as surrogate mom to everyone, especially the younger two. To describe her personality I would probably use words like, wild, energetic, pouty, sassy and well, just plain crazy ;) (When I need to be reminded to enjoy the simple things in life, I just look to her. She works better than my Prozac sometimes)

• Mr. Insane is a hard one to describe.  He has a hard time having a personality of his own because of two things. First, he has four mothers. All of the older girls treat him like they are the mom and it really has made him a bit of a hot head.  I think I would be too if people who were my peers were always trying to boss me around and getting me to do their bidding! And second he was on a medication (Singulair) for about three years that really affected his behavior.  Unfortunately this was during a big developmental time for him and he learned some really bad behaviors and habits that we are in the process of breaking.  He is doing well most of the time, but his bossy older siblings and sometimes others who are bossy can trigger some meltdowns. To describe my son I would use words like sweet, understanding, helpful, loving, crazy and physically insane (i.e. daredevil). I think his personality will be different once all of the medicine is out of his system and we, as a family, work on people NOT trying to be an extra mom (or 3). ( He is my rock, I look at him for strength because sometimes he shows me how incredibly strong he is in bouncing back from what he has been through.)

• Little Butt is your typical youngest child.  She loves to trigger her siblings for good and bad and she loves to show off to get praise from everyone. She is special for many reasons and boy does she know it. I think when she grows up she will be the biggest smart ass too :/ Her personality is still developing and changing, but right now I would describe her as sweet, helpful, crazy, physically insane (i.e. daredevil) manipulative and sassy. (She is totally my sanity. She and I went through a lot together while she was in the womb.  I didn't even want to have a fifth child and the mentality of having to put up with all of the sickness and find room to love this little surprise was very hard on me. Every time I look at her I know that shocking surprises can be worth every hardship you endure to make them worthwhile )

Do I dare say that I have a little bit of everything in this group. Seriously,  I probably have every type of personality mixed in there. At any given moment I might be experiencing mature, hilariously funny, sassy, physically insane and manipulative personality traits from these crazy wonderful kids. It's not boring for sure, but it can be a bit draining. Do I mind that? No, not so much.  I love each and every personality trait and quirk of all of my kids because that is what makes them who they are.  I have to rejoice in their differences to encourage their individuality. I do not want little clones running around my house!!!  And if they start to drive me nuts, I just escape into my writing or I send them to their rooms to be who they are... the heck away from me ;)


Until next time...embrace individuality, yours and your loved one's. We are who we are and we are happier when we can express that!