6 QUALITIES I WANT MY KIDS TO HAVE AS THEY GROW

Now that my first child is graduating from High School, I figure it is time that I write down life lessons that I hope they learn.

• 1st: Have a mind of your own, do what needs to be done and not what outsiders/trends/or takers push you to do 
• 2nd: Listen to authority, always. Whether it is teachers bosses or parents. Even if you feel grown  up or better than someone, always do what is expected of you.
• 3rd: Have the ability to admit when you are wrong. Being wrong doesn't mean you are stupid or unworthy. If you are wrong, admit and and move on. In the end you will be a better person and others will notice that.
• 4th: Don't lie because it is what you think others will want to hear, or just to get attention. Always tell the truth and anyone who truly loves you won't care that you are honest. Bottom line is, lies alienate the people who love you the most and you don't want to drive away your support system by lying to or about them.
• 5th: Don't be ashamed of the people you love. They do what they do and can't or won't change it. If you are proud of them, others will be too.
• 6th: Be as nice to family and friends as you are to strangers because in times of need, if you've treated them right, your family WILL pull you through, strangers won't because they don't know you.

These are all things I've seen teens and young adults struggling with and I hope that by putting them in a list, others can use them and maybe teach kids some good life lessons to make their lives easier. I know my kids can learn from some (or all) of these lessons. 

Until Next Time...I know growing up is hard, but it can be done with grace and kindness, we just need to give our children a push in the right direction.  I have yet to find out if my parenting will be a success or a failure, but within a few years, I will know and I just hope that everyone will be happy healthy and well rounded.

PROUD TO BE ME

I'm not sure if I will watch TV just for me ever again. (At least not regularly) No more House Hunters marathons, No more Criminal Minds every Wednesday, No more sit in front of the TV September nights to catch all of the new shows.  I will never know what people are talking about when they rave over The Walking Dead or one of the many other shows that are plastered all over Facebook. (And I can't remember the names of at the moment)

I do watch a lot of TV though...a lot of kids TV.  I enjoy me some Mickey Mouse, Pooh Bear, Neverland Pirates and Doc McStuffins!  And I do have favorite shows.  I thoroughly enjoy Kickin' It on Disny XD and I even watched a marathon the other day. You should have seen how excited I got when I found out that one of the actors on that show is the real life brother of "Rico" from Hannah Montana  (And yes, I was also an avid Hannah Montana watcher. You couldn't have torn me away from the series finale for all the money ice cream in the world) And the other night when the new season of Kickin It started...the kids and I were front and center. Good Luck Charlie is also a favorite, how can I not love a show about a crazy family with five kids? haha.

One of my favorite older shows, that we watch a lot,
is Suite Life of Zack and Cody. And of course there is always Wizards of Waverly Place and half a dozen or more shows. I also have a soft spot for Victorious whenever I'm in the mood for musical television.

You see, we have two TV's in the house, one in the living room and one in the master bedroom.  I guess I could lock myself up in my room and watch what in the hell I wanted, but first of all I hate being confined to one closed in room. Second, The Shooter likes to stay in the bedroom during his free time and he usually goes to bed much earlier than me so that leaves out watching what I want to watch, when I want to watch it (I love watching TV most in the evenings/night). Third, I always feel a bit like I am not able to do as much for my kids as other parents so I LIKE being in the living room with them while I relax, or work on my novels. (Don't get me wrong, there are times when I would kill -not literally- to have alone time.)

So when we are out front in the living room, the kids rule the TV and not usually because I don't want to hear them bitchin and moanin about not being able to watch their shows, but because most of the shows I like (except house hunters) aren't appropriate for the younger three.  And these are all of the reasons why I have become a children's TV fan. I either like what is on or I suffer miserably with no entertainment in my life (except my wonderful blog fans and facebook ;p). I'm a Disney and a Nickelodeon fan and I don't care who knows it!!!! :D

Until Next Time...The main lesson I wanted to teach with this blog is to not be ashamed of your likes and dislikes.  You will always run into haters who make fun of or hate what you adore, but you just have to ignore them and like what you want to. We are all individuals and have our own likes and dislikes and those who can't accept that are the ones with the problem, not us 'fans' who enjoy what we do/watch/take part in.

SENIOR PROM

It is prom time here and this will be the last chance for The Senior to go to one.  But she really isn't interested in going.  A lot of people give her flack about not wanting to go, they say she will regret it when she is older.  I told her to follow her heart and do what she wants. What is true for one person isn't true for others.

I never went to prom and I don't regret it one bit. I never sat there wondering what could have been.  To me prom seemed to be somewhat of an overwhelming  prospect. Perfect dresses, dinner plans, so much money, being in a crowded gym that was beautifully decorated but still a gym. So much to do and plan, so many expectations to live up to when I just wasn't interested at the time. I did often wonder if I would someday regret it, but it is now twenty-four years later and I'm not too upset at all. 

I think the reasons for not wanting to go to prom have changed in some ways over the years, and not changed in others. I know for The Senior, a big reason for not going is how the kids dance nowadays. Let's just say, from what I've been told, these kids put dirty dancing to shame! And the school can't seem to get a handle on it. They have a plan in place where the kids get two wrist bands and if you get caught once you lose a wrist band and have a 'time out' and then if you get caught again, you lose the last wrist band and get kicked out.  Ummm when I was in school you got caught doing something like that once and you were gone and on in-school suspension for three days. Period. End of damn story.  So, not only were you out the money you spent on your date, but you also got to spend the next three school days looking at the inside of a cubicle in the suspension room. Needless to say, there wasn't much misbehavior at our school dances. 

There are also the usual social reasons for not wanting to go that haven't changed over the years. Will my dress be pretty enough? Can we afford to do all of the fun stuff that other kids are doing, do I know my date well enough to know that he/she isn't going to try to get something I'm not ready to give up? Am I a good enough dancer. Do I have the courage to ask someone to go to the dance with me?  

Well, for the Senior there would be no problem getting her a dress because we had just had our tax refund and they have a great consignment type shop here that carries all of the latest styles of dresses and is affordable and if worse comes to worst, the school nurse keeps a stash to lend out for free (and they are very nice dresses) We could also come up with some extra spending money for stuff if we had to and her boyfriend would definitely make sure she had a great time. That brings us to the other problem some kids have, asking someone to the prom.  Because she has a steady boyfriend, she would have a ready made date whom she trusts and shares moral views with (as a mom I sure hope that is true right!?!?). She might be worried about whether she is a good dancer, but I don't think that is at the top of her worry list and if she wanted to there are always dance lessons offered by the school (another effort to try to clamp down on dirty dancing).  

But once she thought about it and sat down with her boyfriend and discussed it, she decided that prom just wasn't for her. It was not one of those things she wanted to do.  Why couldn't she and her boyfriend go out to dinner, hang out with friends before they head to prom, and maybe take in a movie or some other activity like that. And they can still make it a special date to remember just as a prom is for some. (Although she didn't ask if she could do this, she just told me she was going to and that could have been bad, because I could have been mean mommy and said no. But I might just give her a break this time because after all senior prom night only comes once...even if you aren't going to prom.) 

I am so proud that The Senior didn't let her friends talk her into doing something she just really didn't want to do. Something that would have been a waste of money and resources and would have been a very uncomfortable situation for her and her date. If you want to go, then do it, and make sure you have a wonderful memory filled night to remember, but if you don't want to go, don't sweat it! Even if all you do is stay home and read a book, that is fine because it was a choice that you made.  Be proud of that!  

And to cover all bases, for those who truly can't afford it, or can't find a date, don't regret it because it isn't the end of the world.  Prom is what you make it. If you know you don't have a date or can't afford to go, turn prom into something that just isn't for you. Be positive about your feelings and never regret a thing you've done. 

Until Next Time...Don't let people pressure you into doing something you don't want to do! Do what you feel is right. And if you can't do something you wanted to, don't regret it, there are far more important things to worry about in life. 

SOCIAL NETWORKING

I really had no idea, I mean no idea!!!! There are so many social networking sites out there now and until I published a book on my own, I had no idea how many.  I was part of facebook, twitter, tumblr and I had an unused myspace account. Now I have a linkedin, amazon book club, bookblog, IAN social network and probably a dozen others that I don't visit every day. What I will do to sell copies of my book has become absolutely nuts.

I can't tell you how many times a day I copy and paste my URL's, links, book synopsis, author bio and type in my email address.  You would think I memorized everything right?  Oh hell no.  I'm too lazy to do that.  Copy/Paste is my best friend! One of these days when i'm not working on the next book, hanging with the kids or social networking I will get all of the info I use on those sites and put them all in the same document to make copying easier.  As it is now, I have a million tabs open on the computer at any given time so I have access to all of my stuff.

Is it a waste of time?  I have no idea yet.  I guess we will find out if in a couple of months none of my efforts have resulted in sales.  I will definitely have to consider cutting back if it all seems for naught. It takes a lot of work to get the word out.  I'm really afraid that I won't get the 'hang' of it and I will end up spending more time networking my first novel than I will writing the second one.  I literally marketed all day for two days.  And it seems like every day I find a new way to do it and that just adds to my workload.

I hope to get into a routine.  7 am -10 am marketing and networking, 11 am - 6 pm writing, 6:30 pm-7:30 pm marketing and networking and then 8:00- bedtime writing.  We'll see how that goes.

At this point I am willing to do just about anything (free) to get my book out there and noticed.  I"m not looking to sell a million copies, but I would love to have a loyal following and know that people like what i've done!  In the end, I know the hard work will be worth it and if I ever get discouraged (or bored with the marketing) all I have to do is remind myself of this.

The most exciting part of this whole process is meeting some great new people!  You have the people you follow on twitter who won't follow you back because you are possible competition  yet they have no problem periodically DM ing you to remind you to buy their stuff. :/ and then on the exact opposite side of that you have the ones who offer to do interviews or spotlights of your work free of charge!  I've already had my first author interview because a gentleman (and fellow author) was willing to give me a chance.  I will forever be grateful to him for that.  I will link later to his site so you can check out his work.  I can't wait to get my first copy of one of his books! You also find people who are excited to have a new author in the field and they give you many websites and much great advice to help you succeed. I must say, I have met some wonderful people through social networking/marketing and for that I am grateful and it makes me want to be just like them and help others succeed in their goals.

So for now, I am busy busy busy, a bit overwhelmed, and wonderfully happy with the way things are going.  For once, I am actually enjoying my job! (Yes you can enjoy it and be annoyed/flabergasted/overwhelmed by it because that means you are being challenged!)

Until next time...If you start a new endeavor, be prepared to work very hard!  In the end it will be well worth it and hopefully you will have the time of your life!  :) If you want to buy my book, I have links on the side!  Check them out :)

Please visit http://rcbonitz.com and check out his work.  He did my first author interview and I hope to have him on here soon in an author interview!  :) and if you hurry you might still be able to read my interview! :)

MY LITTLE CHATTERBOX - NUMBER 5

Well, the silent times are over.  It is official, I now have five chatterboxes living in my house.  Little Butt could talk and knew many words, but she just didn't do it much, especially all at once.  And now we can never shut her up.  She has something to say about everything that is going on in the house.  And she has already learned from her sisters to be a smart ass and to speak with attitude.

My wittle chatterbox

Typical conversation these days:

Me: Little Butt no. We don't do that.
Me: Little Butt mama said no!
Little Butt: No mama me do it. (look of defiance on her face)
Me: Little but No! We don't do that. (re direct her)
Little Butt: No mama me do it. Mama bad. (screaming and crying)

Sigh...She was so quiet at first, I had such hope that she wouldn't be a big talker.  But I should have know better. Her brother  was the same way and now he talks all the time (okay yells, but that is a whole other story) The other girls all talked continuously from day one. I guess I will never get a word in edgewise now, but that's okay because truthfully I'm tired of saying no and stop! haha

The other day Little Butt literally sat there and chattered about everything she was doing, for almost two hours.  It was so cute!  But also a bit frustrating because she was talking to me the whole time. Luckily I can understand most of what she was saying, but when I didn't, boy was there hell to pay!  I think she will have the speech problem three of the others had but that's okay, that is what speech therapists are for right?

Sweet chatter girl!

So, I had hoped that one day my house could be a quiet one, but now I'm not so sure.  She could always grow up to be a silent, broody teen, but with me as a mother and The Shooter as a father....yeah, I somehow doubt that.  We all have the gift of gab I would say.  I think our house will be crazy noisy until the last one leaves (Little Butt). But you know what?  I think I'll take it.  What would I do with quiet anyway?  Truthfully I think I would probably go insane with too much quiet.  I wouldn't know how to live that way anymore. (Although, I could do with a little less yelling ).

Besides, Little Butt talking can be the cutest thing you've ever heard.  When the dog licks here she turns to him, points and says stop it kroogie, like she's the boss of the world.  You really can't get any cuter than that.

Until next time... Sometimes, the things that you think are annoying actually have become a way of life for you, a way of life you actually can't live without.  Enjoy it! :)

I WANT I WANT I WANT TO EMBARRASS MY KIDS

You know that new car you want so bad you can barely stand it, but then you either can't find one you can afford or one that is just right? Or maybe that new gaming system? Or the new big screen TV? Or the new house? Or the new computer/tablet?

Then suddenly, one day you find just the right one and you can afford it and you finally get it!  You are so unbelievably excited.  You tell everyone you know about it, even strangers. And the minute you get it home/drive it/move in, it is all you can think about and you do everything you can to make it perfect and you don't want to leave it for the first month or more! So much excitement and joy in something so trivial right! You dance, you sing, you jump around and give people high fives (strangers and your kids mostly). But best of all, you embarrass the kids. (**evil grin**) Can you tell which one of those things is my favorite? Remind me one of these days to tell you about dancing in my chair and lip syncing to 80's music while I type my novel.  The kids hope and pray their friends aren't over then. (**another evil grin**)

This is it! (points and jumps up and down)

Well, the other day, I experienced the joy of finding that one perfect thing I have wanted for years. Can you guess what the product was? It was a desktop copy holder. You know, one of those mini easel looking things that hold your papers while you type.  Yep. I had been looking for one for years that would be just right. They were either too expensive (when I first started looking many years ago, they were in the $40.00 range and they all had to be ordered which meant shipping cost too) or I couldn't find just the right one, even at office supply stores. Well, I finally found the perfect one!!! With shipping I will be spending under $16.00. I am so excited I want to shout it from the rooftops. I just have to wait for it to arrive and then I will not let it out of my sight. I will probably even sleep with it. (Don't laugh, it will make me more likely to sleep with it. I'm defiant like that.)

What does this mean for me? It means no more sore neck and shoulders from having to bend over too far when I spend a marathon five hours at the dining room table working on my novel. (I know, I know, I really shouldn't do that, perhaps I should move to the couch for a bit? But don't you understand, I don't have a copy holder so it is even worse to sit on the couch because then the papers are too far away from me to read. Hmmm, maybe I need new glasses too?  I guess that will be the next purchase I get super excited about. But I won't sleep with those or they might break. haha!)

So, what is the point of this post? Is it to not be materialistic?  Nah, I think for many people we can't help but love our toys. I just try to balance that out with caring, charity and friendship. The point to this post is, even if you are weird enough for your kids to make fun of, keep being yourself.  (They'll either get over it or be embarrassed for the rest of their lives, which is great payback for all of the labor, headaches, and heartbreak.)

Until next time...Be yourself no matter what.  You can't be truly happy unless you are truly you!

MORNING BIRD, MORNING BIRD GO TO SLEEP

We have a morning bird living in a house of night owls and it isn't easy on anyone! Miss Crazy is our one and only morning bird.  For her, it means she wakes up earlier than everyone in the house and really, that's quite rough on a kid.  She wants to play but is constantly being told to go play quietly while everyone else sleeps, and to NOT under any circumstances wake up her brother, who is her #1 playmate.

And that is where the problems begin.  That girl can think up 101 excuses to bother those who are sleeping and she does not care how much trouble she gets in when she does it. But then again, I see her plan - bother bother bother and they will be forced awake to deal with me and I get what I want - everyone else awake with me. Hmmm Yeah, maybe I need to re think how we deal with her on that one.

And I know you are thinking hey why don't you just keep her up later and she will sleep in with the rest of you.  Haha nope. Over the summer last year we kept her up til midnight on a regular basis to try to get her to sleep later. Guess what time she slept til each and every time? 8:00 am. Um, not late enough kiddo.  We even put a sheet over her curtain so absolutely no light would get in. Still no luck.  Our dreams of staying up late and waking up late kinda didn't come true at all.

For us night owls, of course the problem is not being able to get enough sleep because of one awesome, but sleep challenged little girl. I'm serious, the child really does not know how to sleep.  She is one of those people who tosses and turns all night and wakes up a million times and then wakes up early...every day.  The only time she has ever slept longer than usual is when she is sick, but then once she wakes up she doesn't sleep again until that night. No sick day naps for her!

There really is no solution to this problem.  She just isn't a sleeper yet.  The Senior was a lot like this too but now would sleep the day through if I let her. So I guess we can just hope that Miss Crazy follows in her footsteps...someday. But then again she might follow in her daddy's footsteps and still be a morning bird when she is in her twenties and I won't be able to sleep in until she goes to college. (BTW The Shooter can still be a morning bird when he needs to be for work, but he makes an awesome night owl when I need him to be :))

So until my beautiful morning bird becomes a night owl (or moves out), I will gladly deal with no sleep so I can stay up late where it is quiet and I can actually think straight.  After all, that is what naps are for right?

Until next time...Differences happen in families, so as a parent, just suck it up and live with it.  Oh, um was that a bit harsh?  Yeah, well I need to be harsh with myself so I remember not to be too rough on my sweet little morning bird. :)

DIFFERENT AS NIGHT AND DAY

For parents of more than one child or if you plan to have more than one:

If you are lucky they all have different personalities, unique and special. If everyone were the same it would be kinda boring right? But then again...it can be exhausting keeping up with all of the different quirks, likes and dislikes. Then for my family, throw Autism into the mix and you have one wild ride. It really never gets boring that is for sure!

What started me thinking of this topic? Simple, it was a trip to the Pizza Hut buffet. We rarely go out for pizza unless it is to a buffet because we can never agree on toppings.  Every child has their own likes, dislikes and texture problems and The Shooter and I have food intolerance's to contend with so either we order a whole lot of pizzas or we go to a buffet. And since we don't really want to spend that much on dinner, the buffet it is! (Besides, I am a salad fanatic and if I want more than lettuce and carrot slivers on a salad I have to go there to get it! And the best blue cheese in town too!)

So, how do my kids personalities differ? Haha, let me tell you!

• The Senior is a total mom figure which means that she believes she is always right and that her word is law. Unfortunately she tries to use it on adults and older kids rather than just the little ones when she is babysitting. She sometimes has to be reminded that she is just a kid and she needs to have fun. Mom, mature, playing it safe, a worrier, and overtaking are all words that I would use to describe her personality. (I'll tell you one thing though, when I get old and decrepit - more so than I already am - I want her to be the one to coordinate my care - she is totally capable)

• The Freshman is like a big kid with major obsessions. She has a routine that she likes to follow and if you change things up it really affects her functioning. She can also be wild and fun and hilarious. She knows how to let loose as long as it is on her terms. She sometimes has to be reminded that there are others to consider in her plans. I know her Autism affects her personality greatly.  Loud, Crazy, Fun and excitable are the words I would use to describe her. (When I need cheering up, she can get the job done even if she has to practically stand on her head!)

• Miss Crazy is the rebel, suffers from middle child syndrome and also has a bit of the mom bug that bit her sister. She wants what she wants and knows how to make you suffer if she doesn't get it. And that pout is hard to resist...but I've learned how finally! She is also the child who tries to get attention (mostly positive) because she sometimes feels ignored and left behind because she is the middle child. And of course since she is more like her oldest sister than any other sibling, she tends to act as surrogate mom to everyone, especially the younger two. To describe her personality I would probably use words like, wild, energetic, pouty, sassy and well, just plain crazy ;) (When I need to be reminded to enjoy the simple things in life, I just look to her. She works better than my Prozac sometimes)

• Mr. Insane is a hard one to describe.  He has a hard time having a personality of his own because of two things. First, he has four mothers. All of the older girls treat him like they are the mom and it really has made him a bit of a hot head.  I think I would be too if people who were my peers were always trying to boss me around and getting me to do their bidding! And second he was on a medication (Singulair) for about three years that really affected his behavior.  Unfortunately this was during a big developmental time for him and he learned some really bad behaviors and habits that we are in the process of breaking.  He is doing well most of the time, but his bossy older siblings and sometimes others who are bossy can trigger some meltdowns. To describe my son I would use words like sweet, understanding, helpful, loving, crazy and physically insane (i.e. daredevil). I think his personality will be different once all of the medicine is out of his system and we, as a family, work on people NOT trying to be an extra mom (or 3). ( He is my rock, I look at him for strength because sometimes he shows me how incredibly strong he is in bouncing back from what he has been through.)

• Little Butt is your typical youngest child.  She loves to trigger her siblings for good and bad and she loves to show off to get praise from everyone. She is special for many reasons and boy does she know it. I think when she grows up she will be the biggest smart ass too :/ Her personality is still developing and changing, but right now I would describe her as sweet, helpful, crazy, physically insane (i.e. daredevil) manipulative and sassy. (She is totally my sanity. She and I went through a lot together while she was in the womb.  I didn't even want to have a fifth child and the mentality of having to put up with all of the sickness and find room to love this little surprise was very hard on me. Every time I look at her I know that shocking surprises can be worth every hardship you endure to make them worthwhile )

Do I dare say that I have a little bit of everything in this group. Seriously,  I probably have every type of personality mixed in there. At any given moment I might be experiencing mature, hilariously funny, sassy, physically insane and manipulative personality traits from these crazy wonderful kids. It's not boring for sure, but it can be a bit draining. Do I mind that? No, not so much.  I love each and every personality trait and quirk of all of my kids because that is what makes them who they are.  I have to rejoice in their differences to encourage their individuality. I do not want little clones running around my house!!!  And if they start to drive me nuts, I just escape into my writing or I send them to their rooms to be who they are... the heck away from me ;)


Until next time...embrace individuality, yours and your loved one's. We are who we are and we are happier when we can express that!