NEW MOMMY BLOGGER BOOK!!!

I have a new book about my blog coming out this weekend.  It will be available from create space, amazon and kindle!  I am giving you all a sneak peek at my cover right here and now.

THE LINE BETWEEN GOOD MOM AND BAD MOM

First off I have a huge favor to ask of all of you. If you have a facebook could you go to the link I post below and vote for my Rizzy girl. She was the special live saving dog I told you all about in the blog PLEASE FORGIVE ME! It would mean a lot to have an abstract portrait of her to help keep her memory alive. Thanks :)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151344455704086&set=a.10151344453419086.455557.163898744085&type=3&theater

Now for the major story. I know we all have days where we feel like great parents and days where we feel like awful parents.  This is one of the situations where the line between these two get blurred.

I let my son be corrupted and I can't say I am proud of what I did, but truthfully, I can't regret it at this point. You see, Mr. Insane has a crazy history. He was the sweetest most helpful child you had ever met. Then I stopped breast feeding him and the allergies hit hard. We took him to the doctor and they put him on Zyrtec. When the allergies would get really bad a couple of times of year they added Singulair too.

The freshman never could take Zyrtec. It caused her to have really bad behavioral problems on top of her Autistic meltdowns.  It wasn't fun. We started to notice some of the same symptoms in Mr. Insane so we pulled him off of it and they put him on Singulair full time. By now, he still had some temper issues but we figured it was because he had learned bad habits while on the Zyrtec.  Something just seemed off though so I had him tested for Autism...twice. He didn't have it.  They chalked it up to attention seeking because he was having to try to swim his way out of a sea of estrogen in our house.  We went about our way for the next 2.5 years  or so and the behavioral problems came back.

We would take the kids off of the medicine off and on for various reasons. And then one day not too long ago the kids had been about three weeks without it and when we put them back on, Mr Insane started to literally act insane.  It was like he was driven by a machine. constant moving, hitting, swinging and kicking (thank goodness not toward people most of the time.) I was about to take him to the hospital one night when he got really bad and it all suddenly came together in my mind. Every time we put him back on the singular he got worse. We pulled him off of the medication and he has gradually gotten better although he still has some attention seeking tantrum problems and is a hitter to family but not friends.

Okay so now on to how I was a bad mom (although not noticing my son was a wreck because of medicine for 2.5 years is pretty bad). When I had him tested for Autism the doctor recommended that I let him socialize more.  We don't really have any friends locally and he was only used to being around his bossy sisters.  Well, an older couple across the street suddenly had their grand kids living with them. This was an answer to my prayers.  There were two little boys for Mr. Insane and Miss Crazy to play with.  (We tried pre school but they ran out of room.)

These little boys were awful!  They were show offs, liars, undisciplined, sometimes mean, bratty, I could go on but I'm not sure what other words to use.  Thanks to them my kids started saying words like sex, and sexy. And they started cussing a lot! They tried to backtalk and not do what we said but we put a quick stop to that!

I wanted to stop them from seeing these two so badly, but the socialization was doing Mr. Insane a world of good. He started to come out of his shell.  He would actually speak to people in public now. He seemed to be a brighter light in this world suddenly. I had to weigh the pro's and con's of letting the relationship continue. The good these two little devils were doing far outweighed the bad in my mind. They are gone now, moved to Texas or California...thank goodness. And there are two sweet little boys who come around to play now.

I will have to re train them not to curse.  It's getting better but we still have some work to do.  I am up for the challenge though!  Would I have let the relationship continue if I thought they would turn my kids into serial killers or something?  Absolutely not.  I seriously was contemplating ending the relationship by the time the oldest one reached 9 though because he was learning thing that no 8 year old should know. I'm so glad I no longer have to worry about this! I had to chose between the lesser of two evils to help my son and I believe I made the right decision.

Until next time...Sometimes we have to make decisions we are uncomfortable with but as long as we believe it will help the one we love, and stay on top of the situation, we can feel good about what we've done.

DIFFERENT AS NIGHT AND DAY

For parents of more than one child or if you plan to have more than one:

If you are lucky they all have different personalities, unique and special. If everyone were the same it would be kinda boring right? But then again...it can be exhausting keeping up with all of the different quirks, likes and dislikes. Then for my family, throw Autism into the mix and you have one wild ride. It really never gets boring that is for sure!

What started me thinking of this topic? Simple, it was a trip to the Pizza Hut buffet. We rarely go out for pizza unless it is to a buffet because we can never agree on toppings.  Every child has their own likes, dislikes and texture problems and The Shooter and I have food intolerance's to contend with so either we order a whole lot of pizzas or we go to a buffet. And since we don't really want to spend that much on dinner, the buffet it is! (Besides, I am a salad fanatic and if I want more than lettuce and carrot slivers on a salad I have to go there to get it! And the best blue cheese in town too!)

So, how do my kids personalities differ? Haha, let me tell you!

• The Senior is a total mom figure which means that she believes she is always right and that her word is law. Unfortunately she tries to use it on adults and older kids rather than just the little ones when she is babysitting. She sometimes has to be reminded that she is just a kid and she needs to have fun. Mom, mature, playing it safe, a worrier, and overtaking are all words that I would use to describe her personality. (I'll tell you one thing though, when I get old and decrepit - more so than I already am - I want her to be the one to coordinate my care - she is totally capable)

• The Freshman is like a big kid with major obsessions. She has a routine that she likes to follow and if you change things up it really affects her functioning. She can also be wild and fun and hilarious. She knows how to let loose as long as it is on her terms. She sometimes has to be reminded that there are others to consider in her plans. I know her Autism affects her personality greatly.  Loud, Crazy, Fun and excitable are the words I would use to describe her. (When I need cheering up, she can get the job done even if she has to practically stand on her head!)

• Miss Crazy is the rebel, suffers from middle child syndrome and also has a bit of the mom bug that bit her sister. She wants what she wants and knows how to make you suffer if she doesn't get it. And that pout is hard to resist...but I've learned how finally! She is also the child who tries to get attention (mostly positive) because she sometimes feels ignored and left behind because she is the middle child. And of course since she is more like her oldest sister than any other sibling, she tends to act as surrogate mom to everyone, especially the younger two. To describe her personality I would probably use words like, wild, energetic, pouty, sassy and well, just plain crazy ;) (When I need to be reminded to enjoy the simple things in life, I just look to her. She works better than my Prozac sometimes)

• Mr. Insane is a hard one to describe.  He has a hard time having a personality of his own because of two things. First, he has four mothers. All of the older girls treat him like they are the mom and it really has made him a bit of a hot head.  I think I would be too if people who were my peers were always trying to boss me around and getting me to do their bidding! And second he was on a medication (Singulair) for about three years that really affected his behavior.  Unfortunately this was during a big developmental time for him and he learned some really bad behaviors and habits that we are in the process of breaking.  He is doing well most of the time, but his bossy older siblings and sometimes others who are bossy can trigger some meltdowns. To describe my son I would use words like sweet, understanding, helpful, loving, crazy and physically insane (i.e. daredevil). I think his personality will be different once all of the medicine is out of his system and we, as a family, work on people NOT trying to be an extra mom (or 3). ( He is my rock, I look at him for strength because sometimes he shows me how incredibly strong he is in bouncing back from what he has been through.)

• Little Butt is your typical youngest child.  She loves to trigger her siblings for good and bad and she loves to show off to get praise from everyone. She is special for many reasons and boy does she know it. I think when she grows up she will be the biggest smart ass too :/ Her personality is still developing and changing, but right now I would describe her as sweet, helpful, crazy, physically insane (i.e. daredevil) manipulative and sassy. (She is totally my sanity. She and I went through a lot together while she was in the womb.  I didn't even want to have a fifth child and the mentality of having to put up with all of the sickness and find room to love this little surprise was very hard on me. Every time I look at her I know that shocking surprises can be worth every hardship you endure to make them worthwhile )

Do I dare say that I have a little bit of everything in this group. Seriously,  I probably have every type of personality mixed in there. At any given moment I might be experiencing mature, hilariously funny, sassy, physically insane and manipulative personality traits from these crazy wonderful kids. It's not boring for sure, but it can be a bit draining. Do I mind that? No, not so much.  I love each and every personality trait and quirk of all of my kids because that is what makes them who they are.  I have to rejoice in their differences to encourage their individuality. I do not want little clones running around my house!!!  And if they start to drive me nuts, I just escape into my writing or I send them to their rooms to be who they are... the heck away from me ;)


Until next time...embrace individuality, yours and your loved one's. We are who we are and we are happier when we can express that!

JUDGING MY BRATS

Okay people, I am in shock right now! We went out to dinner and shopping - all 7 of us, which rarely ever happens. EVERYONE BEHAVED. I REPEAT EVERYONE BEHAVED. Every last child - how in the hell did that happen? I, I, I'm just about speechless! You see, my kids are well behaved - for other people.  When they are around The Shooter and I, they are pure evil most of the time. E.V.I.L. You know, the kids at the store that make you cringe, that's my brood!

So the outings usually go something like this:

1. The Freshman doesn't want to leave the house but we make her. An autistic meltdown follows as does pouting, snapping at others and slamming of dishes. 
2. The Senior takes charge of the kids and gets a bit too mean sometimes because she knows that their misbehavior gives me anxiety. She's just trying to help but sometimes goes overboard.  That girl literally came out of the womb acting like a mom! I remember she used to like to say 'no mama, bad' when I would do something she didn't like ;)
3. Miss Crazy is, well, crazy. She likes to run around and be loud and has a hard time sitting still at the table and she always gets her brother involved.  He copies everything she does and she loves that idea! Can you say INSTIGATOR?
4. Mr. Insane is going through a phase where he is testing how much he can get away with and so he changes his mind a lot (I want ramen for lunch, no a sandwich, no ramen, no a sandwich - it's enough to drive you nuts). And he will only get help (cutting food, getting food from a buffet etc) from a certain person of his choosing and no one else will do. He does  this all very loudly and lets you know emphatically when he is unhappy.
5. Little butt is in the stage where she absolutely refuses to sit in a high chair or a booster which means we are in the process of training her not to get up and stray from the table which is hard to do with Miss Crazy and Mr. Insane egging her on. And you know, it's kind of annoying when she takes turns sitting on everyone's lap. Just ask The Senior, she'll tell ya!

Usually by the end of the meal I am extremely frustrated and I feel like everyone is staring at us. (They may or may not be, but still, it is embarrassing and I just want to crawl into a hole.)

So, what happened to my kids today? I don't really believe in aliens taking over people's bodies, but I think that may have changed tonight! The Freshman complained a bit at first and then participated in dinner without even a whine and when we decided to stop at the store she didn't complain and that usually would have ended up with a screaming fit and her threatening to stay in the car. Not today! She came into the store and even went off by herself to do some 'window shopping'. The senior didn't go overboard. She helped out with getting the little ones food, but left most of the parenting to me and the Shooter! Miss Crazy just sat there the whole time eating.  Lately she has been eating her weight times ten in food. Either she is growing up or she is just too busy eating to act up. Mr. Insane had his moments where he thought about being picky or wanting only a certain person to help him, but recovered quickly and never got very loud considering what he is capable of. And Little Butt sat in her chair playing quietly and eating. Not one time did her little butt (haha) get up and try to wander around. 


And then we went to the store and everyone behaved again. There was no running down the aisles, fits in the middle of the aisles or tantrums of any kind. And for once, I walked out of Pizza Hut and Wal Mart feeling like we were the invisible family that no one even knew was there.  I like that feeling, I really really do :D


Until next time...When you see that kid throwing a fit in the store or restaurant, please don't judge out loud. They might be overwhelmed, tired, getting sick, or just having a really bad day. Yes there is always a chance that the kid is just a plain ol brat, but it isn't your problem or your duty to judge them or their parents vocally. And if you see a parent (or two) struggling with a whole brood of little ones, give them an encouraging smile or a thumbs up because believe me, trying to corral a group like that is not easy, even for an experienced mother. Everyone has off days and everyone has the right to misbehave occasionally.  Be accepting and kind, it will benefit everyone in the end.

TO BE YOUR MOTHER...

About the time my kiddos turn two I write them a poem of sorts. Well, Little Butt will be two in just over a month so I decided to write hers tonight.  When I couldn't decide which topic to write about for this blog, I decided to share these poems with you.  I hope you love them as much as I do.


To my Gennie the Pooh Bear - My first born                                  From the moment I first saw you
I knew that being a mother would change me for the better.  

To be allowed to have you with me and healthy is a dream come true.
To hold you in my arms is the scariest yet most profound thing I’ve ever done.
To kiss your round cheeks brings tears to my eyes.
To wonder if what I’m doing is right keeps me awake at night.
To hold you when you are sick reminds me how much you truly need me still.
To give you the ability to be the leader of the pack made our bond even stronger.

But most of all…
To be your mother makes me the luckiest person in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my Bubba - My second born
From the moment I first saw you
I knew being your mother would be 

the adventure of a lifetime.

To add you to our family was the best surprise I ever had.
To hold you as you screamed, not knowing how to calm you was the most defining moment of my life.
To kiss your little chubby chin brings tears to my eyes.
To wonder if I would ever be able to make you happy keeps me awake at night.
To hold you when you are sick reminds me how much you truly need me still.
To help you fight this monster (called Autism) has made our bond even stronger.

But Most of all…
To be your mother makes me the luckiest person in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my Pookie- My third born
From the moment I first saw you
I knew the extra love I’d been 

missing all those years.

To have you in my life made me realize motherhood get’s better with age.
To hold you in my arms when you weren’t supposed to be here yet was so unreal.
To kiss your little button nose brings tears to my eyes.
To marvel that you are truly okay despite how sick we were keeps me awake at night.
To hold you when you are sick reminds me how much you truly need me still.
To be my first child as an older mother has made our bond even stronger.

But most of all…
To be your mother makes me the luckiest person in the world

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my Mini-Man: - My fourth born 

and my one and only boy,
From the moment I first saw you
I knew my one and only wish 

had finally come true.

To be allowed to love you was a one in a million chance for me.
To hold you in my arms feels like nothing I’ve ever known.
To kiss your sweet forehead brings tears to my eyes.
To worry over you because you are one of a kind keeps me awake at night.
To hold you when you are sick reminds me how much you truly need me still.
To nurse you beyond your first year made our bond even stronger.

But most of all…
To be your mother makes me the luckiest person in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To my Dee Dee - My final baby

From the moment I first saw you

I knew that despite all of the 

hardships, I could  never 

regret having you

To have one last child to love and raise was a surprise I could never have guessed

To hold you while we co-sleep is the sweetest feeling I’ve ever known

To kiss your chubby tummy to hear you laugh brings tears to my eyes

To hold you when you are sick reminds me how much you truly need me still

To have you be my last child means more to me than you will ever know

But most of all…

To be your mother makes me the luckiest person in the world

WHAT AUTISM MEANS TO ME

I think a little background is in order before we get started on my actual blog post. From the day she was born, we knew The Freshman was different from other children.  She would freak out if liquid touched anywhere but in her mouth, she would wake up screaming for no reason and she had little ‘obsessions’ that she would not give up.  We would have to sit there for hours dangling our feet in the air so she could sit in her carrier and watch them.  As she got older we noticed things like not wanting to associate with other kids, extreme tantrums and trouble with social situations. I remember having to take her outside away from all stimuli to try to calm her down. We thought nothing of the speech problem (speech impediment not language delay) that both the older kids had because it ran in my family. However, the Senior grew out of hers once she started school and was around others a lot more.  The Freshman wasn’t growing out of hers.

When we moved to a new town when she was 5 they said she was just socially lacking and put her in counseling, social groups and speech therapy.  Yes, we saw improvements along the way, but there was still just something off.  For years the word autism kept sneaking into my brain but I always dismissed it because she was talking, had good grades, had taught herself to read and wasn’t anything like the few other autistic kids I’d met in the past.

Then one day when she was nine years old, after many years of struggles with her, and on her behalf, she was reading an article on the internet and told me the boy in the article was just like her.  I read the article too and this boy had something I had never heard of, It was called High Functioning Autism.  I was shocked.  Why had I never heard of it.  Finally there was one simple word to describe my daughter.

Nine years after I first noticed a problem, when no one else really did, I took my daughter to her pediatrician. She thought it was worth exploring and sent us to a therapist at the local psychology center.  He agreed that we were onto something, but it turned out that we were moving to a new town.  And in this new town we found the only Developmental Pediatrician in the state.  We made an appointment and after months of visits and observations we had our diagnosis.  My daughter was on the Autism Spectrum. She had Asperger’s Syndrome.  We had a diagnosis and were finally in a place to help make her life easier. She has made tremendous progress in the last four years.  Meltdowns are at a bare minimum, she has many friends and she is working hard on hygiene and organization.

So now, I want to tell you what Autism means to me. For many, it means mega meltdowns, public embarrassments, daily struggles, heartache, altered lifestyles, and daily frustrations. To me Autism indicates these things, but means much more positive things. It means I have a child to love and take care of like any other, the methods are just different.

Instead of calling an Autistic Tantrum a meltdown I like to call it a unique release. My child, although she is very verbal, still has trouble expressing herself in many ways.  If not for these meltdowns life would probably be completely unbearable for her. (She has learned many coping mechanisms over the years) Her occasional meltdowns are now known as unique releases.

Public embarrassment was so real at first, especially before we knew why the behaviors were happening. But I have started to use these experiences as teaching opportunities. I am now a teacher of the truths of Autism.  I have had people look at me like ‘why don’t you just discipline your brat and maybe they wills top behaving that way’, or they make comments about the ‘spoiled brat’ I now shoot back “You want to try?  You look like you are an expert in Autistic Meltdowns!” I either get an embarrassed look or sometimes even an apology. And every time, they proceed to watch in fascination as I apply the coping mechanisms we use to try to diffuse the situation. Some even ask questions that I am more than happy to answer. They usually leaves having learned something. We no longer have embarrassment we have teaching and learning.

Daily struggles quickly morphed into being called Rewarding Hard Work. In the beginning the struggles to get the Freshman to take a bath, brush her teeth, change clothes and go into social situations were almost overwhelming but I soon began to realize how good I felt when we succeeded at even one thing. The success was rewarding and on days we failed at everything I still felt rewarded that we had tried our hardest and done our best for the day. And we would get our chance for success and reward again the next day.  We had survived and could still rejoice in the love of our child.

Heartache is still a part of our daily lives. How could it not be when you watch your child struggle in some way every single day. But with each heartache you build strength to endure it again and again and it makes every success that much sweeter. I like to call it soul strengthening instead of heartache.

After the diagnosis, many things in our lifestyle had to change. I went from spending my days at home to running here and there for counseling, PT, OT and other appointments. Instead of thinking of it as not getting to stay home and relax I started to think of it as getting to socialize and know our new town. It was good for us to get out and about!

We also had to start adhering to more of a routine after the diagnosis and instead of being a hardship it helped us get more done and it helped the kids learn important lessons about merging responsibilities and fun. So instead of becoming a dreaded lifestyle change it became a better way to live. (Although I admit we slipped a lot during and after my 5th pregnancy because I was so sick and my hip problems kicked into high gear, we are getting back into the swing of things.)

Many people assume that life is a daily frustration for us. But I think of it as a day full of joys and accomplishments.  The surprise hug or kiss from the kid who hates to be touched is amazing! The time when you are sure a unique release is imminent and it doesn’t happen. Like tonight when we made something for diner that The Freshman did not like, we were sure the *&$# would hit the fan but it didn’t.  She got upset and refused to eat, but was relatively calm and put her energies into working on chores.  There was no screaming, crying, stomping, rocking or hiding. And that was joyous! She eventually ate which was another step in a positive direction!

How about when the child who wouldn’t walk to the curb to throw the trash in the can walks to the corner store with a new friend from the neighborhood. That is a joy, a very happy day indeed. So instead of having daily frustrations we have daily joys.

Everyday my ASD child adds joy to my life in one way or another and for that I am forever grateful.  Autism means what you want it to.  Positive or negative, it's your choice.