MY WEEK IN A NUTSHELL - 10 STEPS TO INSANITY

Okay, so I have a favor to ask. If you have bought one of my books, please leave a review somewhere - on your blog, on goodreads, on amazon, anywhere they will let you.  If you haven't bought it (I understand money can be tight) but would still be interested in reviewing it, I am willing to provide 10 PDF copies to people if they will review it on their blog (and any other site that will let them without having purchased it there).  If you are interested, please let me know at my email. To find out more about my books go here.  I only want my romances reviewed (I have two) I will warn that they are said to be sweet (romance) and spicy (sex). They are by no means erotica, but they do have their fair share of sex.  Thank you all so much!  Now on with the fun.

10 STEPS TO INSANITY

1. My 6 year old is driving me nuts.  She will not behave, she is relentless in teasing her siblings, no matter what punishment I dole out, she is driving me mad. So I send her to the neighbor who has a little girl she likes to play with. She behaves there. :/

2. My 5 year old boy has been hanging around girls too much.  He has turned into a complete cry baby whiny butt. I have got to get him out of this stage quickly - he  starts school in a couple of months!!!

3. My pain has been through the roof because of my wonderful coughing fits.

4. My two year old has also become a whiny butt.  If she doesn't get what she wants, she freaks out and can cry for an hour. If you finally offer her what she wants, she changes her mind and wants something different. (We don't give in, but sometimes when we misunderstand what she wants and finally offer her the right thing, she changes her mind.)

5. Allergies are going to kill us, all of us, dead as can be. They need to go away and leave us alone.

6. Thanks to my older daughters we are babysitting the neighbor boys five hours a night, five nights a week and I really don't want to.  I was almost in tears by the time they left the last time. I hate babysitting for one and for two when you get both of them together with both of mine, they don't know how to behave, or be quiet, or stay outside or.... yeah. I am thinking that since the teens accepted the job for me, I might have to make them go over and break the news that we can only do it for this one more week and then they will have to find someone else.

7. I had a release party for my newest novel. It was fun and we are seeing a smattering of results, but only time will tell if it was worth the work it took.

8. The hubs and I are still working on a top secret project (and hell no, it is not another damn kid).

9. I discovered that I hate hate hate marketing my book.  I'm so tired of it. This is something you don't get immediate results from usually so I will be doing it for years to come until I build my fan base. What happened to my patience....oh I covered that in another blog didn't I. ;). I guess it is a good thing I didn't follow my degree to a career (PR- business) Ah crap! I did follow it in the end. Only this time I added writing to the mix.

10. It's hot outside, the kids are driving me nuts, except for my writing, I'm bored out of my mind. Yep, sounds like a typical summer week to me!

Until Next Time...TGIF  We all need a break from a crazy week. But then my weeks lately run from Friday to Friday so I don't get a break. Sigh.....Enjoy the weekend anyway. :D

SUMMERTIME FRIENDS

I was looking forward to having the two elementary school kids out of the house, playing outside for the summer, and then...they won't go outside! They don't want to be outside without anyone to play with. Um, these are the kids who can think up the most amazing games to play together inside - so why not outside? 

The bad news is, their friends don't live here anymore. So I had to resort to making them go outside if they wanted special snacks or computer time. And what do they do? Walk around beside the porch  and sit on the steps. :/  It is like the fresh air dampens their imagination or some stupid thing like that. 

Well now for the good news.  We found out the other day that their friends are coming to visit their dad and grandparents for 2-4 weeks. I have never beens so happy to hear that trouble making kids are coming back to the neighborhood!  WOO HOO  my kids are finally going to play outside all day! Another bit of good news is that the neighbor kids are much better behaved now that they live with just their mom so maybe I won't have to work to undo any damage done this summer.  At this point, I don't care as long as my kids go outside and enjoy their vacation!

Another good bit of news is that we will be babysitting them for about five hours a night a few nights a week and will get a bit of extra money coming in to cover meals and snacks for them. Extra money is always good right?  And did I say I'm happy about my kids going outside to play without having to bribe them and listen to them whine all day?  

Gwen works all day, The Sophomore can take care of herself, the littles will be outside so that leaves me with Little Butt to cuddle while I write my next great masterpiece...umm I mean Romance Novel, erotica short story or blog.  ;)

Until Next Time...Sometimes, in this day and age, it seems you have to force kids to be kids and enjoy their free time. When I was a kid, you practically had to tie me down to get me to stay inside during the summer and I lived in Southern Nevada where the temps often topped 110!  But then again, I didn't have a computer, tablet, mp3, xbox, playstation etc.  

WE ARE HAVING A PARTY! We are celebrating the release of my latest novel - Alaskan Ambush.

Join us at http://www.facebook.com/writerjjellis for giveaways, contests and sneak peeks at future books. We would love to have you stop by

MILESTONE - A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW (PLUS A BONUS POST!)

Today I will give you two posts for the price of one...Okay for the space of one since you aren't paying to read this. Post 1 is a normal mom's adventures with kids post and Post 2 is an article I wrote for my writer's website JJ Ellis, Romance Author that delves into the mind of a writer. I have two other articles on that site too if you want to check them out (Courage was the first and Imperfections was the second)

POST 1
Okay, so I am big about milestones right?  I talk about them a lot (remember when I was all emotional because my little man preferred more grown up kids shows to Mickey Mouse?)  Well, it seems we have hit another one.

Allergy season is upon us - hardcore and since most allergy medications are over the counter we spend a fortune on them every couple of weeks.  The little one is doing well on zyrtec so she has her own bottle of liquid children's zyrtec and the only antihistamine that doesn't turn Mr. Insane into...well, Mr. Insane times 100 is Claritin so he and Miss Crazy have a bottle of liquid children's Claritin to share.  Then The Freshman decided she was tired of refusing her medicine and wanted to feel better so she needed something to take. (Zyrtec turns her into a crazy woman too). My pocket book started to ache along with my heart in watching my kids suffer.


So, The hubs and I came up with a plan.  The Claritin pills (age 6 and up) are tiny so why not see if Miss Crazy can take them. We get those at his work in bulk for cheap!. So Miss Crazy was given a try on her very first pill.  Could she swallow it? Would our experimental work?  YES!!! My baby girl is no longer a baby girl.  She is a big girl.  She can take pill forms of medicine. She is growing up, I am feeling old, this is an exciting day, I am feeling old, what a cool milestone, I am feeling old...yeah, you get the picture.  Once again this is one of those bittersweet milestones.  (I'm not even going to think about the fact that in 22 days I will be the mother of a high school graduate, and in 26 days the mother of a high school sophomore, a second grader and a kindergartner.)

So now I am happy/sad and my pocketbook is thrilled.  We can buy 400 pills really cheap for The Freshman and Miss Crazy to share and a small bottle of medicine will last Mr. Insane a long time as does the medicine we get for Little Butt.  See, there are advantages to your kids growing up!!!  Rejoice in it :)

Until Next Time...ENJOY LIFE :) There are a lot of benefits to our kids growing up and to us getting older. Embrace it or you might just drive yourself crazy. I have had to learn that lesson the hard way but I finally did. Yes, I get a bit teary eyed at milestones, but I no longer dwell on them to distraction.  There is too much fun to be had, too much life to live to dwell on how old my kids and I are getting.

POST 2

A few weeks after I published my first book, Virgin Voyage, I came to a realization that really stung, but in a way made so much sense. The story I had practically lived, and loved like a child, would never bring me reading pleasure like it did others.

In the first few weeks after publication I truly can not tell you how many times I read the book. I had this urge to see if it was a pleasurable, enjoyable read. I wanted to enjoy it (or hate it) the same way a stranger who purchased it would.

There were short periods of time where I could blank my world out and get caught up in Mari and Graham's, but my world always came crashing back in. (And I'm not talking about  my kids bother me or the phone ringing or someone knocking on the door)  You see, I can never not be the author of Virgin Voyage. I will always read it with a critical eye. 'Should I have done this, or written that, or left that out. Or will my readers enjoy this or that better.' Truthfully I just wanted to live in Mari
and Graham's finished world for fourteen chapters. I guess you could say that I was craving the ability to just be a reader to my book.

I couldn't help how I felt. I knew I shouldn't feel that way but I did. It almost felt like a betrayal to the characters. I created them, I loved them, I nurtured them,  I put them to paper and I enjoyed it thoroughly. But I couldn't experience them as they were meant to be enjoyed.

And then my first reviews started to come in. Not only on Amazon, but through people contacting me personally to tell me how much they loved the book. All of a sudden, everything I've mentioned above didn't seem to matter anymore. Friends, family and strangers were reading my book the way I wanted to, and I realized something, the whole reason I wrote the book in the first place was so people could live it, love it and enjoy it.  Low and behold, they actually were!!!!  I never betrayed Mari and Graham, I gave them a happy life, in more ways than one.

I know I will most likely have the same feelings about future books, but now I will know how to handle it - just sit back and wait, someone will enjoy it and tell me they did, and then
the world inside that book will be complete.

LIFE LESSONS - FOR MY CHILDREN, FOR EVERYONE

Lately, I have been in a lot of pain and pretty much feeling more useless than normal.  I feel like I have been holed up in a little cocoon more than usual lately. So when I am pretty much home bound, what do you think my favorite part of the day is? Any guesses?  My favorite parts of the day are after everyone is safely at school and it is just Mr. Crazy, Little Butt and myself.

 If Mr. Crazy hasn't had a run in with one of his bossy older sisters yet that morning he is an absolute angel and when he isn't playing games on the computer, playing fighting games in real life or playing with one of his multitude of toys, he will sit by me and snuggle with me.  Sometimes he even begs me to let him use my computer so he can sit by me while I write.  He is such a good kid....until others come home and then he can turn into the devil (we figure, he has a new audience to get attention from so he works it, just not in a positive way.  He knows that if he tries to cuddle them like he does me they will shoo him away but if he acts up they give him exactly what he wants - attention.) 

Little Butt is a complete snuggle bug. She likes to sit with me and play games on the Kindle Fire or listen to music on YouTube. And best of all she likes to rock - a - bye in the rocking chair.  That is her favorite thing to do ever. And she will only do it with me if her oldest sister isn't home. (Hey, it's not my fault she started calling Little Butt up on her lap to avoid doing chores and now she is stuck with a mini shaddow who has turned into a typical two year old screamer if she doesn't get what she wants - I know it's mean to say, but I told her so...You can't complain about something your brought on yourself)

So what is my least favorite part of the day?  When all of the kids are here and the fighting and complaining starts.  OMG it drives me nuts.  They fight over the stupidest stuff.  God forbid one of them has slightly more chores than the other that day or gets slightly more food on their plate at dinner.  And the littler ones like to fight about personal space issues.  So I have come up with a list of stuff that my kids need to learn so we can all live in peace together and enjoy each other more when live goes to shit. (And they are good lessons for the future too.  You can't live life complaining, whining, waiting on others or being in control at all times, or your life is going to be awful.)

1. Do not complain about stuff your bring on yourself.  If something you do has consequences  live with it and learn to deal with it. If you created a monster, you need to work on taming it, not making it worse because it annoys you.

2. Life is not fair, not always even.  If you did more chores for a few years, that does not mean that for the next ten the others have to do more than you! It all evens out in the end and all you have to do is what your parents tell you to do and we will all be fine. (Kind of insulting that they would think I would favor one over the other. :/)

3. Worry about yourself! Just because you are

working on a project/homework/chore does not mean the other person has to do it too, at the same time.  They will get theirs done or the will get into trouble. Worry about getting your own stuff done whether the other person is working or not.  

4. You don't have to be in control all of the time. You are children, enjoy it.  Do not always think you have to be in charge of everything because eventually someone is going to get sick of it and call you on it. People don't like to be dominated all the time. If you try to take over someones life, they are going to fight back eventually and the relationship is going to suffer greatly.

So what brought this line of thought on?  With all of the bad stuff going on lately - Boston, West, TX, N. Korea etc., I feel the need to find a way to make our lives better so we can enjoy the good times more and deal with the bad times easier when they come.  We never know when a day will be our last or when someone we love will see their last day, and regrets are really hard to live with.

Until Next Time... Hold your loved ones tight and don't make life so difficult. Enjoy your time together because you don't have forever. <3 Our hearts go out to those affected by the tragedies in Massachusetts and Texas.

LET THE FIGHTS (AND LAUGHS) BEGIN!!!

First, some business to take care of. If you want easier access to my favorite blogs you can pick up my book Until Next Time...The Blogging Adventures of  a Broken Housewife. Just follow the link 6.99 for paperback and .99 cents on kindle

Second, if you have bought one of my books whether it be the blog book or my romance novel, please, when you are done with it head on over to Amazon and leave a review!  That is how us indie authors survive in this business. Thank you so much for your support! :)
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Do you have those moments when your kids do something and you just want to laugh but it just wouldn't be appropriate. You know the times when one does something to another that is 'bad' and instead of laughing you must punish the offender. Of course with five kids we have a lot of that.

Do I always succeed at not laughing? No! But I sure do try (I really do, just ask anyone) But you know, sometimes it is hard not to laugh. Really, really, really, really hard. Okay, so sometimes it's just damn impossible.

The first time a child cusses is a prime example. But some recent episodes in our house go like this :
Un named sibling: Wah wah whine whine tantrum tantrum
Little Butt: Sut up now!Un named sibling: You shut up
Little Butt: SUT UP!!!!!!!! Screech

I didn't laugh at this one, but I sure wanted to. The rule in our house is that we don't say shut up to each other because I am sick and tired of my kids being rude to each other. (and yes, both kids were properly reprimanded)
Another instance - and of course you know this has to be a really bad one that I couldn't help but let a laugh burst out the first time so it has become a regular problem.
Mr. Insane: Go away Little Butt.
Little Butt: Pay me brubber (play with me brother)
Mr. Insane: GO AWAY I DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU (yelled and getting right up in her face)
Little Butt: {{{smack!}}} right on his cheek.
Mr. Insane: Mom Little Butt hit me!
Little Butt: {{{smack}}} on the leg and run away
Mr. Insane: Tears and screeches Aaaah aaaaah she's hurting me.
Little Butt: Runs back to brubber and {{{smack}}} on the leg.
If we don't seperate them, they could do this over and over for hours. But of course we don't want Little Butt to develop a habit of hitting even if she just thinks it is a fun game that brubber is playing with her.


Okay, so the first time this happened, before I knew what was going on I laughed (hangs head in shame) But really, when people get angry and all up in your face don't you at least have a little bit of a fantasy of smacking them? And when someone has the 'balls' to do it, it kind of hits your funny bone (besides, a little girl making a big boy cry like a baby is just well....funny (Okay, maybe i'm warped, but I know some of you out there find it funny too!). You do know that once that first laugh comes out, the two year old is going to think it is okay and that you are encouraging him/her to play the new 'game' with their sibling.


Well shit. I've done it again, I've totally warped one of my children. (Okay, I know it would have happened anyway, but still.) So we do the calm talking to her thing, the no you don't hit thing, the redirection thing. It works...eventually. In the mean time my poor baby boy is traumatized by being beat up (she doesn't hit that hard really, but he is a drama queen and I love him very much) by his baby sister. Alright, alright he probably isn't really traumatized because he just likes the attention, but still, I don't want him thinking that I enjoy watching his little sister get back at him for all of the sibling torture he puts her through. (Shut up! Don't even say it!) At least he knows that he isn't allowed to hit his baby sister right?


Okay so now that we've got a handle on that problem (I think, otherwise they are going to end up beating the shit out of each other by the time they are 7 and 10) we can move on to the next one. Hopefully it is a lighthearted as this one because I hate it when those occasional serious problems crop up.
Until Next Time...When you have one of those parent moments where you say to yourself 'shit, I shouldn't have done that because now my kid is going to be a no good delinquent', don't stress yourself over it so much. It is fixable! You just have to patient, calm and consistent. And in the meantime, enjoy the laugh at the expense of your children because goodness knows they will be getting many at your expense through the years. ;)

DEPRESSION

I am in such a glorious funk right now.  I have no idea what is causing it. It could be because my pain is much worse than it has been in a long time, it could be because certain family members are being horrible to everyone around them, it could be because my medication sometimes gets stuck going down for some weird reason so I don't take it as often as I should.  I just really don't know. That depression/anxiety monster keeps rearing it's head and frankly I'm sick and tired of it.  I can't write much, I can't do all of the marketing for my books that I want to.  The only thing I can do is take care of my kids and work on my relationship with the hubs.

It makes me wonder if  I should consider giving up writing (permanently or temporarily). It makes me wonder if I should beg borrow and steal money to send the family to the nephews wedding this summer and go back and see my mommy (some friends are in the process of losing their mom right now and it makes me miss mine terribly)

I guess with stuff like this (busy, crazy, out of control life and career), you might never know what is bringing it all on because there is just so much stuff going on. I've been meaning to write about depression for a long time, but it is just so hard for me to organize my thoughts over it because it is so different for every person.  

Depression for me is something that runs in the background. It is like a nagging child/spouse/parent that won't leave you alone but doesn't cause a huge problem.  Anxiety and fear on the other hand are huge, life altering problems for me. And these three things tend to go hand in hand for a lot of people.  If I have trouble with fear and anxiety,  depression is also noticeable. 

But this time it is different. I don't really feel any anxiety or fear.  I am completely able to dive right into trying to get my name/books out there, as in I'm not scared to do it, but I am having a hard time actually getting down to the task. (and if it was a typical episode, I never would have published in the first place).

So how does fear and anxiety manifest itself in me?  I wont' answer the phone, I shake when I have to drive somewhere, I won't answer the door even if it is the postal service/ups, I will go out and about, but I am extra shy, even around people I already know. I would never publish a book or ask people to buy it (even online where there is always a certain anonymity) I would never comment on other people's blogs. I would lose sleep worrying over the kids, the finances, everyday life.  Thank goodness I haven't had this kind of anxiety/fear in many many years! 

Depression for me is just an overall feeling of melancholy  It is also not wanting to do what I enjoy - taking the kids places, going on dates with the hubs, writing, reading, computer time.  And I cry at the drop of a hat. Mainly I just want to be left alone.  I guess you could say that the depression I'm feeling right now is not as bad as what I mentioned above.  I just feel kind of blah, I don't want to do anything but relax and play. I don't want to work on my book and I don't want to do marketing for my already released books. 

Friends and family think most of it has to do with my pain and the fact that I seem to not have enough time in the day to do what i want and need to do. I guess, I kind of agree with that because my physical limitations are really getting to me.  I just want to be whole again (or even partially whole). I just want to not feel pain/weakness/stiffness when I want to take a quick trip to the store. I just want to be able to lift my baby and carry her into the store. I just want to feel healthy again. And I have so much to do.  I need to write, I need to market, I need to take care of the kids, I need to enjoy the new found closeness that the hubs and I have found. And when I feel overwhelmed, I get depressed.  

So, how am I going to cure this?  Well, as soon as my current prescription runs out I'm going to ask the doctor about maybe taking four ten mg. pills a day instead of the one forty mg pill that always gets stuck (Only pill ever in my life I've had trouble swallowing and have you seen some of those prenatal vitamins- they are huge) And then I need to come up with some way to get healthier.  I have started a 'diet' and I am searching in depth for answers about my hips (sorry, can't afford a doctor at this time). And I think I will try to make a schedule and actually stick to it.  I will have to split everything up but I think I can still do what I need to do.

Until Next Time... Depression is nothing to be ashamed of!!! GET HELP!

Depression and anxiety are not fun. If you think you might have it, please ask for help. Scream it from the rooftops if you have to.  There is help, and it is manageable. If you are already being treated and nothing is working, keep asking for more or new medicines.  The right dosage might take time.  And talking to someone is very very important. Sometimes just talking about things can help greatly.  And no matter what, if you are put on medication to help your depression do not go off of it without doctor supervision! If you have to, set a timer so you remember to take it, that's what I've done.  

Anybody who would like to tell there story or do a guest post about depression and or anxiety is welcome to do so.  Please just let me know.  Sometimes hearing other people's stories can help someone struggling to get the help they need.  brokenwifeandmom@gmail.com

NEW MOMMY BLOGGER BOOK!!!

I have a new book about my blog coming out this weekend.  It will be available from create space, amazon and kindle!  I am giving you all a sneak peek at my cover right here and now.

NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT...EXCEPT...

I have no clue what to write about so I just opened up a post and started typing.  It isn't that I am not inspired today, because I have had a wonderful day and am inspired by a lot.  I have received the electronic proof of my book and am waiting for the hard copy to get here.  I have found things I didn't like and have made the changes that are needed. If I like the cover and other physical aspects of the book I will be publishing sometime in the next week.  How exciting is that! And quite inspiring.

I MIGHT GIVE A HINT (IN PICTURES) ABOUT MY UPCOMING ROMANCE NOVEL AT THE END OF THIS POST

My kids are being, well, my kids.  They aren't doing anything out of the ordinary - good or bad.  They are just being themselves.  You know, The Senior and Freshman are fighting all the damn time as usual and I'm about ready to kick them both to the curb (okay not really, but it makes me feel better when I actually use the words.) Miss Crazy is suffering from Middle child syndrome, which she has been for awhile and we are doing what we can to ease it. (see child attached to my side whenever possible)  Mr. Insane is being, um, insane?  He is loud (extraordinarily so) He loves all things weapons, fighting and superheroes and for once I wish I didn't have to listen to him do weapon sound effects! (I want to banish him to his room until he is ready for college, but that just wouldn't be nice.) And Miss Little Butt is driving me up a wall with her attitude (Jeez older girls, I wonder where she got that from! Knock it off or I'll kick you to the curb! Dang it felt even better to say that a second time) And do you know what the worst part of her attitude is now?  It is the speech.  That girl can talk back now!!! The moment all parents dread.  I am spending most of my time these days being disciplinarian. (Okay, most of my time is spent working on the novel, but the rest of it is spent disciplining my kids so maybe, someday, they will grow up to be civilized adults)

What inspired me to write the paragraph about my brats wonderful darling children?  Well you see, Spring break starts at 3:45 tomorrow and I am going to have to be with them all day every day for a week (I won't mention that my wonderful husband will be on vacation and home the whole time too -- oops, I just did!) All I can say is that the weather better be nice enough for them to go outside sometimes or I'm gonna flip my Shiz. Really, try being locked in the house with six other people for a week because you can't afford to go anywhere to get away. We have our spring break so early here that we usually still have snow on the ground and freezing temperatures.  Who the hell ever thought of that?  NCSD has their heads so far up their hineys...but that is another story for another day.

Believe me, In the end I won't complain too much (more) because I will have help at home and I won't have to get my aching hips in and out of the car to chauffeur them to or from school. But seriously, if they fight all. the. damn. time. I am going to lock them myself in a dungeon and they  I will not be seen until they are old enough to move out and get married (was thinking college, but then they tend to come back too often)

Wish me luck folks!  This next week will be a true test of my endurance (and sanity)

Until next time...During spring break, winter break, summer break etc.  Remember you love your kids and hopefully you will survive, and if you don't, at least you will get a nice, happy, quiet place to be :p

Aspects, themes and ideas about the novel! :)

THE LINE BETWEEN GOOD MOM AND BAD MOM

First off I have a huge favor to ask of all of you. If you have a facebook could you go to the link I post below and vote for my Rizzy girl. She was the special live saving dog I told you all about in the blog PLEASE FORGIVE ME! It would mean a lot to have an abstract portrait of her to help keep her memory alive. Thanks :)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151344455704086&set=a.10151344453419086.455557.163898744085&type=3&theater

Now for the major story. I know we all have days where we feel like great parents and days where we feel like awful parents.  This is one of the situations where the line between these two get blurred.

I let my son be corrupted and I can't say I am proud of what I did, but truthfully, I can't regret it at this point. You see, Mr. Insane has a crazy history. He was the sweetest most helpful child you had ever met. Then I stopped breast feeding him and the allergies hit hard. We took him to the doctor and they put him on Zyrtec. When the allergies would get really bad a couple of times of year they added Singulair too.

The freshman never could take Zyrtec. It caused her to have really bad behavioral problems on top of her Autistic meltdowns.  It wasn't fun. We started to notice some of the same symptoms in Mr. Insane so we pulled him off of it and they put him on Singulair full time. By now, he still had some temper issues but we figured it was because he had learned bad habits while on the Zyrtec.  Something just seemed off though so I had him tested for Autism...twice. He didn't have it.  They chalked it up to attention seeking because he was having to try to swim his way out of a sea of estrogen in our house.  We went about our way for the next 2.5 years  or so and the behavioral problems came back.

We would take the kids off of the medicine off and on for various reasons. And then one day not too long ago the kids had been about three weeks without it and when we put them back on, Mr Insane started to literally act insane.  It was like he was driven by a machine. constant moving, hitting, swinging and kicking (thank goodness not toward people most of the time.) I was about to take him to the hospital one night when he got really bad and it all suddenly came together in my mind. Every time we put him back on the singular he got worse. We pulled him off of the medication and he has gradually gotten better although he still has some attention seeking tantrum problems and is a hitter to family but not friends.

Okay so now on to how I was a bad mom (although not noticing my son was a wreck because of medicine for 2.5 years is pretty bad). When I had him tested for Autism the doctor recommended that I let him socialize more.  We don't really have any friends locally and he was only used to being around his bossy sisters.  Well, an older couple across the street suddenly had their grand kids living with them. This was an answer to my prayers.  There were two little boys for Mr. Insane and Miss Crazy to play with.  (We tried pre school but they ran out of room.)

These little boys were awful!  They were show offs, liars, undisciplined, sometimes mean, bratty, I could go on but I'm not sure what other words to use.  Thanks to them my kids started saying words like sex, and sexy. And they started cussing a lot! They tried to backtalk and not do what we said but we put a quick stop to that!

I wanted to stop them from seeing these two so badly, but the socialization was doing Mr. Insane a world of good. He started to come out of his shell.  He would actually speak to people in public now. He seemed to be a brighter light in this world suddenly. I had to weigh the pro's and con's of letting the relationship continue. The good these two little devils were doing far outweighed the bad in my mind. They are gone now, moved to Texas or California...thank goodness. And there are two sweet little boys who come around to play now.

I will have to re train them not to curse.  It's getting better but we still have some work to do.  I am up for the challenge though!  Would I have let the relationship continue if I thought they would turn my kids into serial killers or something?  Absolutely not.  I seriously was contemplating ending the relationship by the time the oldest one reached 9 though because he was learning thing that no 8 year old should know. I'm so glad I no longer have to worry about this! I had to chose between the lesser of two evils to help my son and I believe I made the right decision.

Until next time...Sometimes we have to make decisions we are uncomfortable with but as long as we believe it will help the one we love, and stay on top of the situation, we can feel good about what we've done.