GOOD NEWS, GOOD TIMES, GOOD DAYS!

So, I was sitting here on the couch fuming because I am not getting the drive free summer I had planned, and no one was listening to my directive that I would not be giving rides, when my phone rang.  I had no clue who it was, but I answered it because the first three numbers indicated it was from the school district. Boy am I glad I did answer it!  They were calling to let me know that they now had room for my son in our school of choice!!!  Woo hoo, that means I don't have to drive all over the place next year getting both of my smaller kids to different schools and different activities at the exact same start and end times. (You know it would have been painful having to get Little Butt in and out of the car an extra time when I would have to take my son into the school because he's not quite ready to just go himself.

I cried tears of joy. Really, I did. You guys don't realize what a relief this is to me.  With the snowy roads that aren't plowed worth a crap, and having to drag a sleepy, cold two year old everywhere, my life will now be so much better and easier and better, and did I say easier?  :D :D :D :D Oh yeah, and less painful too!

And in other great news, Gwen got a clean bill of health from the doctor. We are thinking her feeling 'off' is caused by stress and low blood pressure, which she is treated for.  That is a huge relief and weight off of our minds.

So now that the family is (maybe) finally getting healthier, we can move on to have a good summer.  I am going to be busy getting Mr. Insane ready for Kindergarten and writing my books - I have decided that I am completely insane.  I am writing the last three books at the same time.  I wrote chapter one of all three books and then onto chapter 2 of all three books and so on.  Oh, and I am also still writing that book with my daughter.  Did I mention that I am completely insane?  I do believe I did above and have many other times. :)

I am also starting a new program to try to get healthy.  I will tell you more about it when I get everything finalized, but I must say that the change I have seen in my college friend who is helping me get involved in this, is amazing.  I think she is down 121 pounds now and is feeling great. Her whole family is much healthier and that is exactly what I am hoping for my family too.  Stay tuned for details!!!

Overall things are going good now...thank goodness. I'd hate to have to bore you with my complaining again. ;)

Until Next Time...Please, please, please, enjoy the good times to the fullest!

MY WEEK IN A NUTSHELL - 10 STEPS TO INSANITY

Okay, so I have a favor to ask. If you have bought one of my books, please leave a review somewhere - on your blog, on goodreads, on amazon, anywhere they will let you.  If you haven't bought it (I understand money can be tight) but would still be interested in reviewing it, I am willing to provide 10 PDF copies to people if they will review it on their blog (and any other site that will let them without having purchased it there).  If you are interested, please let me know at my email. To find out more about my books go here.  I only want my romances reviewed (I have two) I will warn that they are said to be sweet (romance) and spicy (sex). They are by no means erotica, but they do have their fair share of sex.  Thank you all so much!  Now on with the fun.

10 STEPS TO INSANITY

1. My 6 year old is driving me nuts.  She will not behave, she is relentless in teasing her siblings, no matter what punishment I dole out, she is driving me mad. So I send her to the neighbor who has a little girl she likes to play with. She behaves there. :/

2. My 5 year old boy has been hanging around girls too much.  He has turned into a complete cry baby whiny butt. I have got to get him out of this stage quickly - he  starts school in a couple of months!!!

3. My pain has been through the roof because of my wonderful coughing fits.

4. My two year old has also become a whiny butt.  If she doesn't get what she wants, she freaks out and can cry for an hour. If you finally offer her what she wants, she changes her mind and wants something different. (We don't give in, but sometimes when we misunderstand what she wants and finally offer her the right thing, she changes her mind.)

5. Allergies are going to kill us, all of us, dead as can be. They need to go away and leave us alone.

6. Thanks to my older daughters we are babysitting the neighbor boys five hours a night, five nights a week and I really don't want to.  I was almost in tears by the time they left the last time. I hate babysitting for one and for two when you get both of them together with both of mine, they don't know how to behave, or be quiet, or stay outside or.... yeah. I am thinking that since the teens accepted the job for me, I might have to make them go over and break the news that we can only do it for this one more week and then they will have to find someone else.

7. I had a release party for my newest novel. It was fun and we are seeing a smattering of results, but only time will tell if it was worth the work it took.

8. The hubs and I are still working on a top secret project (and hell no, it is not another damn kid).

9. I discovered that I hate hate hate marketing my book.  I'm so tired of it. This is something you don't get immediate results from usually so I will be doing it for years to come until I build my fan base. What happened to my patience....oh I covered that in another blog didn't I. ;). I guess it is a good thing I didn't follow my degree to a career (PR- business) Ah crap! I did follow it in the end. Only this time I added writing to the mix.

10. It's hot outside, the kids are driving me nuts, except for my writing, I'm bored out of my mind. Yep, sounds like a typical summer week to me!

Until Next Time...TGIF  We all need a break from a crazy week. But then my weeks lately run from Friday to Friday so I don't get a break. Sigh.....Enjoy the weekend anyway. :D

EXHAUSTING DAY OF FUN!

There are many aspects to who I am. Most of you know the broken mom and the housewife and the aspiring author so now I am enjoying letting you get to know the other part of me.  I am  a published author.

So, as a published author, I can't imagine having to go on a real book tour or having a bustling book release party. All of the traveling and sitting and signing would probably drive me nuts (although I hope to do it someday!)  But for now, since I'm not famous and nobody knows me enough to want to host a book signing, I will settle for virtual tours and book launches. As a matter of fact I had a 12 hour long (10 with breaks) Virtual Release Party yesterday.  Oh my goodness was it fun!  But dang, I never imagined how tiring it could be. Every hour on the hour (except for 4pm and 6pm) I had to be there to post something new.  Pictures, excerpts, buy links, sneak peeks etc.

I can say for sure that I slept very well last night!  I received a lot of feedback and I actually gave away a signed copy of one of my books and a free kindle copy of my latest book. People were actually interested in getting my stuff! (And no, all of them weren't friends and family, ha!) In all actuality I knew one of the winners because we met on a baby website/facebook because we have kiddo's the same age and the other person I don't know at all.  It is so exciting to know that my name is finally getting out there a bit! :)

I also like some of the reactions I had to my excerpts and plotlines for future books. My email and message box were blowing up!  Yesterday was one of the biggest highs I've ever had.  It was truthfully a glorious day. Now to see how it affects sales, if at all.  The next few days will be a test to see if I feel happy or disappointed. But even if I do feel disappointed, there will still be an element of happiness because I am writing, I am sharing what I love, and I am having one hell of a time doing it.

I am me - I am broken, I am blogger, I am author, I am happy!
Thanks everyone for your support.

Until Next Time...Sometimes the best days exhaust us, but you shouldn't let that take away from your joy.  Bask in the exhaustion, knowing that you have done something wonderful.

BUSY BUSY BUSY - EXPLODE!

Do you ever have so much to do that you think you might explode? And there is an order that things should be done in, but you don't want to do them in that order?  Yeah, that's me right now.  There is so much to be done with my book coming out in June, a short story coming out in June, working on a book with my daughter to be released in August (or maybe sooner), doing at home preschool with my son, being sick, a super secret project with The Hubs,

and doing the blog three days a week. I just feel like I am  going to combust, I know it doesn't seem like there is a lot to do, but the job of getting my book ready for publication in June still has about twelve steps and I have about a week to do them in.  

I would much rather play around making a cover for the book that doesn't come out until August, ummm maybe I should just concentrate on finishing it first. Right?  But doing the cover is so much more fun! Doing pre school with my son is like pulling teeth. Not that he doesn't want to learn new things, but my kids just don't like it when I'm the one teaching them. :/

I know I need to set a schedule, in order of importance and stick to it, but I DON'T WANNA!!! I know in the end I will get it done, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed and want to stop what I'm doing and have some fun. Sometimes I tell myself not to sweat it, because it all needs to get done and as long as I keep busy working I will be fine.  Sometimes that works, but when I have projects spread out so far, that doesn't work so much.

On the other hand, I love, love, love being busy.  It is so rewarding when I cross multiple tasks off my list every day. And I guess, deep down inside I wouldn't change a thing. Is it possible that I actually thrive on feeling like I'm about to combust?  Yeah, I think it is. I'm crazy like that. ;)  So I will just take it one step at a time and get it done.  I can't ask for more, my fans can't ask for more and my family can't ask for more.

Until Next Time... Work hard and do your best. That is all anyone should ask from you.  That is what I am going to do and I know, in the end, it will all work out perfectly. :)

CONFIDENCE, FINALLY!!!

Since everything I start to write about my family (my main subject here on the blog) ends with me trashing one of my children in hopes of getting her to realize she is on the wrong path, I have decided to write about my career (writing, not housewife and mom) today.

As most of you have come to find out, my confidence isn't the greatest. It took so much courage and a huge leap of faith just to start this blog and even more to publish my first book. Well lately, things have been happening to really boost my confidence and I think in the end it will be long term.

I found a wonderful group of supportive authors via facebook and even though we are pretty much strangers, we are all ready, willing and able to help each other out in any way possible. No matter how many tutorials I read about marketing on Twitter, I never really seemed to get it or be good at it.  And after just a very short time in this group I finally have the hang of it.  I am seeing responses, results and retweets! I hope in the long run it will increase my sales and let people know that my books are out there, waiting to be read. I don't feel like such a twit when I tweet!  haha.  This group has also helped me to realize that I am not alone in this struggling, crazy, rewarding, heartbreaking world of writing.  I can't wait to see where this group of authors goes in the future.  Right now, I'm feeling like nothing can stop us!!!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/Anythinggoesauthorsgroup/

Another thing that boosted my confidence is that I received two five star reviews for Virgin Voyage in one day (5 total 5 * and 1 total 4*).  More than just one person is saying they are enjoying what I am doing!!!  That, I must say is one of the best feelings in the world.  I am reaching people, they are listening to what I have to say and most of all they are understanding me!  That is a huge accomplishment for a small town girl who never thought she would amount to anything. I know that in the future there will be people who don't like my work and it will definitely sting, but that will take nothing away from the fact that someone IS enjoying my work.  As long as I have reached, affected, or given joy to one person, I'm good. :)

So now I walk forth with confidence into the next novel and other writing projects I am involved in.  I am talented, I am worthy and I am confident. As long as I have those three things, nothing can stop me!  Look out world, my lack of confidence will no longer get in the way!

Until Next Time...I hope you don't have to suffer from severe lack of self confidence like I have because truthfully it sucks. But if you do, be patient and hang in there. The first step is to find yourself. The second is to find your comfort zone and step out of it. Work hard and don't give up. You are worthy and you will feel worthy and then just run with it! You can be confident too. :)

If you want a good read, please pick up one of my books. Virgin Voyage is available in paperback and on kindle (1.99)  Go up to the top of the blog and find the page that says Buy My Books. Click on it and you will have all of the links you need.  If you do pick it up, please leave a review when you are done.

BURNOUT - JUST ME? - AND A HEARTFELT THANKS TO MY READERS

Why is everyone burning out?  It seems that everyone I know is on a burnout course right now.  I know I sure am, not with my writing thank goodness, but because everyone around me is burning out.

 The Senior has just about had it with the stress of being a graduating senior (and other stresses she tends to put onto herself). She is losing weight because of it all and she's had it with that. She was perfect the way she was before. She loves school, she always has, but she is ready for it to be done.  I know she will miss her friends and teachers at her school, but she is done with this year.  I hope she is/will soon be excited about the new life she is starting!

The freshman is burning out.  She had a teacher who completely undermined her confidence (and that teacher will be hearing from me.) so now she has pretty much given up on this semester and I am having to play the bad guy to get her back on track for the last three weeks of school.  She is so ready to be done done done.

Miss Crazy loves school and is good at it and has a great time with her classmates, but she is also ready to be done. More often than not she would be totally willing to stay home (and yes i've checked to make sure nothing is going on at school to make her feel that way) 

Mr. Insane is pretty much done with being stuck in the house with his bratty sisters and can't wait until his friends arrive for the summer so he can have male companionship. 

Little Butt thank goodness hasn't burned out on anything, but then again she is only 2.  As long as she has my Kindle Fire and youtube she is happy as can be.  

The hubs is also burning out, on his job and where we live and everything else. Hell, even our friends seem to be burning out.  A lady I know lives for taking her kids to school and driving them anywhere they need to go, and for some reason, this year she just can't wait for summer so she gets a break.  She has even ruled out anything but home play for the first two weeks of Summer Vacation.  She is done this year!

So, what is causing this burnout?  I guess it could be anything really, but why so many people experiencing it at the same time. The crazy weather? The economy? Life circumstances? Something in the water? I really just don't know.  I figured for us it is a bit of the crazy weather (just a couple weeks ago we still had a foot of snow and on May 1st we had 3 inches.) a bit life circumstances (We really just want to move away from here! One kid is graduating! Family is visiting! One kid is starting Kindergarten in the fall! Our lives are about to change forever because of ages and milestones!) But that doesn't explain why so many people are experiencing it too.  

So, here is what i've come up with. It is social media. You see, before I started doing this blog and selling my books, I had a very limited view of the world and limited contact with others, but now I am exposed to so many different things and different people that I just notice this stuff more. It's probably always happened off and on, but I never noticed until I became saturated in social media. I will not complain though because I truthfully don't know what I would do without you guys. This is my new life and I love it.  I'm sad that people seem to be burning out but other than being there for them (as a mom, wife, email recipient if any of you would like to chat, blog reader, online friend etc.) there isn't much I can do.  I will continue to keep trying to inspire, humor and relieve everyday pressures for my readers and fans.  I hope you will continue to join me three times a week to get some stress relief!

Until Next Time...If you find yourself burning out hang tight. Find one thing you can do (even if it is only for ten minutes) to relieve some of the monotony in your life. You could also talk to friends or family, or write things down in a private journal or public blog.  It won't last forever if you can just take a short moment to breathe and realize how lucky you are.  That's what i've been doing for years.  Thank goodness I have this blog or I would be a crispy shell of the woman I am now - you all are my stress relief, my way of not staying burned out. THANK YOU ALL!!!

WHAT IF I FIX WHAT'S BROKEN?

So, what happens if I am not so broken anymore?  Does my writing career go downhill? Do I become less funny (looking?)? Do I lose my ability to write? Do I lose my ability to come up with blog ideas?  Do I lose my fans?

These are all things that have crossed my mind at some time or another because I always dream of finding out exactly what is wrong with my hips and getting it fixed.  Yes, I am broken in many other ways, but if I only had good hips I could function so so so so...much better!

I do research on hip disorders, bone diseases etc. all the time.  I have even done a bit about the pelvis because mine occasionally pops and after all I did have five children bearing down in it. And then, just by chance I came across some articles about asymmetrical pelvis problems and low and behold I think I finally got it!!!  My pelvis is so far out of whack it isn't even funny and it is causing many of my other problems.  Well Hell's Bell's why didn't I think of this sooner.

Now for the bad news.  It's going to take time and money to fix it.  I have lots of time, but absolutely no extra money yet. (Now if I sold 1,000,000 books... haha yeah.) Anyway, I decided to do some exercises that I saw on a website that is supposed to help.  Problem?  Yeah, I have to be able to get down on the floor to do them.  LMFAO yeah, right. Me? On the floor?  hahahahahahahahah.  Okay, once I stopped laughing I had to do something and then I remembered what an old doctor and an old chiropractor once told me.  They advised me to let gravity do the work.  So now I lay on the edge of the couch or bed on my side and let my top leg drop off and gravity slowly works things into the right place.  I have done it three or four times today and I do not feel anywhere near normal, but I really feel much better. (And since I am writing this the night before I publish it, we will have to see how the morning goes and see if I am sore as heck or not.) I am able to bend to my right while sitting, I was able to get up quickly with no pain twice today and I actually stood for five minutes straight without feeling sore, nerve pain, or tired.

So what is next.  More gravity work of course! And then once I am able to make it on the floor without the possibility of being stuck there forever, I will start the other exercises I found on that website.  I sure hope it works.  I want to be productive again, Yes, I will probably still have my foot problems so I won't be able to work a standing job and I will still have my migraines and sinus problems so there will be days when I am down for the count, but I will love being able to get three little ones in the car without aching for days afterwards or risking throwing my back out and not being able to get back inside. Heck I will be grateful to be able to get up and get my own drinks (My kids never put the right amount of ice in, you know?)

I do not know what the future will hold. I may someday become the formerly broken housewife and mom, or I may find that it will take more than just these stretches and exercises to get better, but one thing I do know is that I will still be me, deep down inside, no matter how broken I am or am not, I am still me - a mom, a housewife, a writer, a blogger.

Until Next Time...A lot of times I have thought that if circumstances change I will change, but that isn't always the case.  Outward things and ideas may change, but deep down inside you will always be you.

THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING, THE IN-LAWS ARE COMING (AND VARIOUS OTHER PEOPLE TOO)

Just wanted to let you all know that I am not sure if this template will stay or not but it works for now.  I have problems with some templates triggering migraines for me lately so I am trying to find one that is perfect for my blog and that doesn't cause me problems.  Thanks for your patience! 

It is that time, we will be invaded by people from out of town very soon. The Senior is graduating and family and friends will be coming to see her. I don't have a problem with this because it is nice to see family and friends that you don't see often enough. (Besides they won't be here too terribly long and only my mom will be staying with us - if she can make it, so it's not like we will be put out in any way) What is my problem with this whole situation? Well, it is my house.


In my everyday life, I don't care if the kids friends, people we know, or others come over and the house is far from perfect. They know we have 5 kids for cripes sake and they know the house is going to look lived in. But for some strange reason, when people are coming from out of town I have this almost obsessive urge to make sure everything is perfect. I mean everything, the hard water stains in the toilet must be completely gone, every last fingerprint must be off of the walls and furniture and if there is any dirty spots on the couch and I can't have them cleaned, the couch covers come out. Every crumb must be vacuumed up and every single toy must be in it's proper place. (yes, i'm a very strange person, but you already knew that right?)


I have no clue why I have this obsession. People (especially family and close(out of town) friends know that I am physically limited and I have teenagers that can't be trusted, helping me out around the house properly. I don't think anyone expects my house to be perfect because of our circumstances. WAIT, STOP, HOLD UP!!! I think that's it. They don't expect my world to be perfect because we are poor and live in the boonies and I am a decrepit old lady and my kids suck at chores and I want to prove them wrong! Holy cow why didn't I see this sooner. (I tell ya, this blog is so flippin therapeutic it's not even funny!) Anyway, yeah, I just want to prove to them that no matter what our circumstances we can be great too. And I think to do that I have to go way overboard. Yep, that's me - my middle name should be overboard (but then I would be JO Ellis and it just isn't quite as catchy as JJ Ellis)


So now that I've made this revelation, can I just sit back and relax and let my house be sanitary but lived in? OH HELL NO! Not gonna happen. We are going to bust our butts over the next month to make sure the house, cars and yard are perfect for when they visit. I know I shouldn't, but I feel like I have something to prove to people who mean the most of me. Kind of warped huh? I just can't not do it, I am a woman possessed in this case.
Until Next Time...Do not follow my lead. You have nothing to prove to anyone. Go about your normal day and most likely your family and friends will love you just the way you are. If they can't accept who you really are, then maybe they aren't as close as you thought they were.


NOTE: NOTE: NOTE: NOTE: The title in no way implies that I have a problem with my in-laws and I am not stressed mostly about them. I stress about all people equally! And admit it the title catches your interest better than any of the others I could have come up with. It just sounded better than the family is coming the family is coming or the friends are coming the friends are coming, you know, because a lot of people stress about their in-laws <3 you John and Alberta and we can't wait to see you again! Hard to believe it has been almost a year! :) (not that they will ever see this unless I put it in my next book because they don't have internet :'( ) Anyway, carry on!

STRUGGLES WITH IMPERFECTION

So, over the last week I've been struggling with something that i just had to share as I think a lot of people struggle with it. IMPERFECTION.  I have learned to live with it in my house, with physical limitations and five kids there is no way I am ever going to keep my house perfect. I get it. I really do.  I've accepted it (for the most part). There will always be a dish not washed, clothes not washed/folded, toys not put away and dirt tracked through the house. (Unless of course I hire a maid to live in and follow the kids around with her cleaning supplies. Hmmm, wish I could afford that!)

My most recent struggle with imperfection came last week with my book Virgin Voyage. I finally got down to doing more than just skimming and reading my favorite parts. I was absolutely mortified to see that somehow my group of five people missed 15 mistakes in the Proof (me being one of them :/).  Things like know instead of known, child instead of children, improper indents that were made while formatting the book for publication, stray punctuation, improper punctuation.  Really really mortified!!!  (Not to mention the formatting issues of my Kindle copy that DID NOT show up on the preview I did before publication)

I had people tell me that I should just forget it and move on 15 mistakes in 312 pages wasn't bad. I had them tell me to just apologize and move on.  I tried, I really did. But I just couldn't ignore it or move on.  It haunted me, awake and asleep.  I had something that I loved so much, that was flawed, out and about and people were reading it.  After a few days, I just couldn't take it anymore I had to do something about it.  So I did.

I had been told that you couldn't re submit it once published but I did some research and found out that in fact you could. So this weekend I re uploaded my work for both the paperback and kindle versions. (I had a perfect copy already so I'm thinking that I uploaded the wrong copy or they used one of the previous copies I had uploaded when trying to make formatting perfect) I learned that if you upload a version and it needs corrections, to completely close out your browser and reopen it before uploading a new copy. So, anyway, I uploaded and republished my book without mistakes.  The preview of the Kindle showed it being perfect so if I notice on the actual Kindle that it isn't i'm going to be one upset mama. I ok'd the proof of the book this morning and am very happy with how it turned out.

I can not tell you how much better I feel now that I know that the product out there is as close to perfect as I could get it. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  Much of the depression I had been feeling is gone. (read my blog from Friday about my Depression). It is amazing how something can bother you so much, but when you really sit down and think about it, the solution is easy.  Do whatever you have in your power to fix it. My book was off the market for awhile and that could have hurt sales (haha not really with me, because no one has reviewed my book yet so I don't have an abundance of sales although my free weekend was amazing!) and it was a lot of work to make sure everything was perfect.  But the peace of mind I now have is indescribable. I wouldn't change it for the world.  I don't feel like a pretender anymore, I feel like a real author!!!

Until Next Time...If you want something to be perfect, then do whatever you have to do to make it that way, whether it be the first time or the tenth.  If you are not satisfied, try try try again until it is. Don't settle for second best just because it is easier!

DEPRESSION

I am in such a glorious funk right now.  I have no idea what is causing it. It could be because my pain is much worse than it has been in a long time, it could be because certain family members are being horrible to everyone around them, it could be because my medication sometimes gets stuck going down for some weird reason so I don't take it as often as I should.  I just really don't know. That depression/anxiety monster keeps rearing it's head and frankly I'm sick and tired of it.  I can't write much, I can't do all of the marketing for my books that I want to.  The only thing I can do is take care of my kids and work on my relationship with the hubs.

It makes me wonder if  I should consider giving up writing (permanently or temporarily). It makes me wonder if I should beg borrow and steal money to send the family to the nephews wedding this summer and go back and see my mommy (some friends are in the process of losing their mom right now and it makes me miss mine terribly)

I guess with stuff like this (busy, crazy, out of control life and career), you might never know what is bringing it all on because there is just so much stuff going on. I've been meaning to write about depression for a long time, but it is just so hard for me to organize my thoughts over it because it is so different for every person.  

Depression for me is something that runs in the background. It is like a nagging child/spouse/parent that won't leave you alone but doesn't cause a huge problem.  Anxiety and fear on the other hand are huge, life altering problems for me. And these three things tend to go hand in hand for a lot of people.  If I have trouble with fear and anxiety,  depression is also noticeable. 

But this time it is different. I don't really feel any anxiety or fear.  I am completely able to dive right into trying to get my name/books out there, as in I'm not scared to do it, but I am having a hard time actually getting down to the task. (and if it was a typical episode, I never would have published in the first place).

So how does fear and anxiety manifest itself in me?  I wont' answer the phone, I shake when I have to drive somewhere, I won't answer the door even if it is the postal service/ups, I will go out and about, but I am extra shy, even around people I already know. I would never publish a book or ask people to buy it (even online where there is always a certain anonymity) I would never comment on other people's blogs. I would lose sleep worrying over the kids, the finances, everyday life.  Thank goodness I haven't had this kind of anxiety/fear in many many years! 

Depression for me is just an overall feeling of melancholy  It is also not wanting to do what I enjoy - taking the kids places, going on dates with the hubs, writing, reading, computer time.  And I cry at the drop of a hat. Mainly I just want to be left alone.  I guess you could say that the depression I'm feeling right now is not as bad as what I mentioned above.  I just feel kind of blah, I don't want to do anything but relax and play. I don't want to work on my book and I don't want to do marketing for my already released books. 

Friends and family think most of it has to do with my pain and the fact that I seem to not have enough time in the day to do what i want and need to do. I guess, I kind of agree with that because my physical limitations are really getting to me.  I just want to be whole again (or even partially whole). I just want to not feel pain/weakness/stiffness when I want to take a quick trip to the store. I just want to be able to lift my baby and carry her into the store. I just want to feel healthy again. And I have so much to do.  I need to write, I need to market, I need to take care of the kids, I need to enjoy the new found closeness that the hubs and I have found. And when I feel overwhelmed, I get depressed.  

So, how am I going to cure this?  Well, as soon as my current prescription runs out I'm going to ask the doctor about maybe taking four ten mg. pills a day instead of the one forty mg pill that always gets stuck (Only pill ever in my life I've had trouble swallowing and have you seen some of those prenatal vitamins- they are huge) And then I need to come up with some way to get healthier.  I have started a 'diet' and I am searching in depth for answers about my hips (sorry, can't afford a doctor at this time). And I think I will try to make a schedule and actually stick to it.  I will have to split everything up but I think I can still do what I need to do.

Until Next Time... Depression is nothing to be ashamed of!!! GET HELP!

Depression and anxiety are not fun. If you think you might have it, please ask for help. Scream it from the rooftops if you have to.  There is help, and it is manageable. If you are already being treated and nothing is working, keep asking for more or new medicines.  The right dosage might take time.  And talking to someone is very very important. Sometimes just talking about things can help greatly.  And no matter what, if you are put on medication to help your depression do not go off of it without doctor supervision! If you have to, set a timer so you remember to take it, that's what I've done.  

Anybody who would like to tell there story or do a guest post about depression and or anxiety is welcome to do so.  Please just let me know.  Sometimes hearing other people's stories can help someone struggling to get the help they need.  brokenwifeandmom@gmail.com