EXHAUSTING DAY OF FUN!

There are many aspects to who I am. Most of you know the broken mom and the housewife and the aspiring author so now I am enjoying letting you get to know the other part of me.  I am  a published author.

So, as a published author, I can't imagine having to go on a real book tour or having a bustling book release party. All of the traveling and sitting and signing would probably drive me nuts (although I hope to do it someday!)  But for now, since I'm not famous and nobody knows me enough to want to host a book signing, I will settle for virtual tours and book launches. As a matter of fact I had a 12 hour long (10 with breaks) Virtual Release Party yesterday.  Oh my goodness was it fun!  But dang, I never imagined how tiring it could be. Every hour on the hour (except for 4pm and 6pm) I had to be there to post something new.  Pictures, excerpts, buy links, sneak peeks etc.

I can say for sure that I slept very well last night!  I received a lot of feedback and I actually gave away a signed copy of one of my books and a free kindle copy of my latest book. People were actually interested in getting my stuff! (And no, all of them weren't friends and family, ha!) In all actuality I knew one of the winners because we met on a baby website/facebook because we have kiddo's the same age and the other person I don't know at all.  It is so exciting to know that my name is finally getting out there a bit! :)

I also like some of the reactions I had to my excerpts and plotlines for future books. My email and message box were blowing up!  Yesterday was one of the biggest highs I've ever had.  It was truthfully a glorious day. Now to see how it affects sales, if at all.  The next few days will be a test to see if I feel happy or disappointed. But even if I do feel disappointed, there will still be an element of happiness because I am writing, I am sharing what I love, and I am having one hell of a time doing it.

I am me - I am broken, I am blogger, I am author, I am happy!
Thanks everyone for your support.

Until Next Time...Sometimes the best days exhaust us, but you shouldn't let that take away from your joy.  Bask in the exhaustion, knowing that you have done something wonderful.

WHAT'S HAPPENING? JUST STUFF!

My kids actually made liars out of me this morning.  In my last blog I said they wouldn't let me sleep in and that they would wake up between 7 and 8 every morning. Well, this morning they didn't wake up until 8:35 and that is only because the trash trucks came and woke them up.  Damn trash trucks!!!

Well, we had a lot happen over the last week some good, some bad. Of course you all know that the oldest graduated a week ago, on Thursday The Hubs had to go to the doctor - the man who never gets sick was sick as hell, on Friday the other kids had their last day of school for the year and on Saturday, I developed the coughing crud that everyone else has had over the last month and a half and something else exciting happened and I can't remember what...Crap, what was that?...hmmm, it's coming back to me...I completed something I think....oh yeah, I FINISHED MY SECOND BOOK!  Book 2 in my series is done (except for editing of course)  I read through it yesterday and loved it.  I have a couple of small additions to make and then it is sent off to editing. When that is done, well it will be on 'shelves' for you to'grab' and read.

This is book two and I still feel as accomplished as I did with book one. I wonder if it will always be this way. I sure hope so, I love this feeling! It is so addicting.  I just wish the hubs hadn't been so sick.  It is hard to be excited about something when the one you love is so sick they can't rejoice with you. Really guys, I have never seen his so sick - Severe sinus infection, cough, high fever, body aches, shakes and shivers, sleeping whenever the need hit him. That just isn't how it's supposed to be for my love. He is healthy and strong a majority of the time.  He was so bad they made him take three days off work.  He is back there now and I hope he is doing well, I think he should have had another two days or so to rest, but I'm not a doctor.  He is gradually getting better and was even joking with me yesterday.  I just hate seeing my romance hero ready to go to sleep at 7 p.m. (How are we supposed to act our my scenes if he's asleep?!) Umm I mean, how is he supposed to help me beta read my book if he's asleep...yeah, yeah, that's what I meant ;)

Until Next Time...When your loved one can't help you celebrate, it really sucks.  You have to learn to live with it and still be happy. It can be done, it's just not as fun!!! :)

PREVIEW OF ALASKAN AMBUSH

Check out 11 excerpts on http://www.writerjjellis.com

“…I still love you.”

A two year relationship that ended because of a difference in lifestyle left Olivia Mannon and Alex Paige missing each other. Though they still loved each other, they lost all contact.

A sprinkling of matchmaking dust, a cruise to Alaska, and a floatplane tour of Misty Fjord National Monument brings them back into each other’s lives; for better or for worse.

Can Olivia change her ‘suite at a five star resort’ lifestyle to agree with Alex’s ‘camping outdoors’ way of life, or will they lose each other again? This time forever…

ON SALE JUNE 2013

SPRING FEVER AND ME!!!

Spring fever doesn't just hit school kids. Guess how I know that?  Yep, it has hit me so hard  I can't even function.  Of course it doesn't help me that my hips are driving me up a wall lately and I think I am coming down with something. Sore, dry throat, earache, stuffy hurting head.  Blah!

I am so excited about the next installment of my Sunset Destiny Romance series but I can't seem to bring myself to work on it much.  I assumed it was because of my hips and not being able to sit comfortably anywhere in the house to type. But then I started thinking about it.  I think I have spring fever.  Even as a school kid I never got it this early.  But then again as a school kid, our spring break was never the first week of March. :/

We had a few days of sixty degree weather and I must say it was heaven! Yeah yeah I know, sixty isn't too warm for most people, but for us here in Centeral Wyoming, that's bikini weather! It was perfect.  We'd had spring break and temps in the 50's and 60's spring must be here so the brain kicks in with spring fever.  And then what happens? I woke up to three inches of snow this morning and more is expected throughout the next few days.  Winter is back! So maybe my spring fever will go back into hibernation?   Yeah, probably not.  Once I get it I am stuck with it. (at least it's not a forever thing right?)

So what does that mean for my novel?  I'm not sure yet.  Maybe when this bug goes away and I'm not achy and stuffy and tired and blah I will feel comfortable enough to sit at the table and type again and I will only have to worry about keeping my mind on track and my novel will complete itself (seemingly not really). Or maybe once I feel better I will still be unable to get my butt up off the couch to head to the table and work. And maybe I will be able to write, but still not be able to figure out how to best structure my complicated  sentences. (Which makes for even more complicated editing).

For some reason I don't see this bout of Spring fever getting any better. And the main reason why is that we are all looking forward to The Senior's graduation. [SCHOOL IS ALMOST OVER!!!] How in the heck can I concentrate when my daughter is going through one of the most stressful, exciting, wonderful times of her life!  And then I have to prepare for the relatives that will invade in May.  That will be much more exciting than concentrating on sentence structure and Grammar. (Although it won't be as exciting as concentrating on my story line. so hmmmm....)

As it is, I have started to let the kids slack on chores and they got so used to it that I had to get tough again. Hopefully my house will shape up but I somehow doubt it will, at least before guests start to arrive.  But that's okay, it's spring right?

I've met people who don't suffer from spring fever and I envy them.  I always have, I probably always will.  I crave watching my kids go outside to play or being able to sleep in, or do whatever they want during the day.  The teachers that pile on the homework start to piss me off this time of year and I know it's wrong to be mad, but come on people it's spring, the weather is changing (in most places at least) It's time to relax and have some fun! Okay, so I know the work still needs to be done, but I DON'T WANNA!!!! I have spring fever after all ;) And all I want to do is play with my new Kindle Fire (a very generous gift) and relax to recover from scraping windows all winter!

Until Next Time...If you get spring fever, enjoy it! But don't let it take over your life because eventually you will HAVE TO get back to work!!!!

ME TIME!

I did something yesterday that I hadn't done in a long long time.  I took time to myself, went to my bedroom and put a movie in my computer.  A movie I wanted to see, not one the kids wanted to watch, not one the husband was watching when I went in to take a nap. A MOVIE I WANTED TO WATCH!!! And boy oh boy did it feel good to do something just for me.

Of course with five kids in the house it wasn't exactly smooth sailing...at first.  The little's (miss crazy and mr insane) wanted to follow me because the guy from dish and just been there and fixed the TV reception in my room after about 4 months. They only wanted to watch my TV and not the one out front. So at first they were loud and trying to look over my shoulder and trying to basically just bother me.  Well I finally got tired of it and told them that mommy deserved some 'me time' and they better knock it off or there would be hell to pay.  IT WORKED!!! For once in their lives, they listened to me!!!!!!!!!  So from about 15 minutes into Breaking Dawn pt. 2 until the end, all I did was just sit there watching a movie with no interference from the kids.  The only thing that kept me from completely relaxing was the fact that Little Butt was acting sick, but she was safely sleeping on her oldest sister so I felt I could take that minute for me.

This is something I haven't done in probably years.  I remember looking at the computer and seeing that the movie was half over and thinking 'Dang I haven't heard a peep from any kids in almost an hour, this is really nice!!!' and then I delved back into my movie. By the time it was over, I felt so relaxed and I guess you could call it a bit rejuvenated? I really should do this more often. You know, maybe once every two years instead of four?!?!?!  

The good thing is - the older the kids get the easier it will be to do things just for me. They will have their own interests and activities to keep them busy. You know, one thing I really want to do, is shut my bathroom door and take a bath BY MY DAMN SELF!  I hope someday that will happen once the three littlest can bathe themselves...but then again I still have the teens coming in to talk while i'm in there so maybe the bath idea will have to wait for a long time.  But movie/reading time...from now on that is MY TIME, and the kids will just have to learn to live with it! :)

Until next time...Take that time to enjoy yourself. Don't feel Guilty. Stick with it. Be firm about it. Just do it. I promise, you won't regret it! :)

Don't forget  to check out my new  'PAGE' above. It has all of the links to buy my books.  If you do read my books, please leave a review on Amazon or Goodreads!  Thanks so much  for your support!

SOCIAL NETWORKING

I really had no idea, I mean no idea!!!! There are so many social networking sites out there now and until I published a book on my own, I had no idea how many.  I was part of facebook, twitter, tumblr and I had an unused myspace account. Now I have a linkedin, amazon book club, bookblog, IAN social network and probably a dozen others that I don't visit every day. What I will do to sell copies of my book has become absolutely nuts.

I can't tell you how many times a day I copy and paste my URL's, links, book synopsis, author bio and type in my email address.  You would think I memorized everything right?  Oh hell no.  I'm too lazy to do that.  Copy/Paste is my best friend! One of these days when i'm not working on the next book, hanging with the kids or social networking I will get all of the info I use on those sites and put them all in the same document to make copying easier.  As it is now, I have a million tabs open on the computer at any given time so I have access to all of my stuff.

Is it a waste of time?  I have no idea yet.  I guess we will find out if in a couple of months none of my efforts have resulted in sales.  I will definitely have to consider cutting back if it all seems for naught. It takes a lot of work to get the word out.  I'm really afraid that I won't get the 'hang' of it and I will end up spending more time networking my first novel than I will writing the second one.  I literally marketed all day for two days.  And it seems like every day I find a new way to do it and that just adds to my workload.

I hope to get into a routine.  7 am -10 am marketing and networking, 11 am - 6 pm writing, 6:30 pm-7:30 pm marketing and networking and then 8:00- bedtime writing.  We'll see how that goes.

At this point I am willing to do just about anything (free) to get my book out there and noticed.  I"m not looking to sell a million copies, but I would love to have a loyal following and know that people like what i've done!  In the end, I know the hard work will be worth it and if I ever get discouraged (or bored with the marketing) all I have to do is remind myself of this.

The most exciting part of this whole process is meeting some great new people!  You have the people you follow on twitter who won't follow you back because you are possible competition  yet they have no problem periodically DM ing you to remind you to buy their stuff. :/ and then on the exact opposite side of that you have the ones who offer to do interviews or spotlights of your work free of charge!  I've already had my first author interview because a gentleman (and fellow author) was willing to give me a chance.  I will forever be grateful to him for that.  I will link later to his site so you can check out his work.  I can't wait to get my first copy of one of his books! You also find people who are excited to have a new author in the field and they give you many websites and much great advice to help you succeed. I must say, I have met some wonderful people through social networking/marketing and for that I am grateful and it makes me want to be just like them and help others succeed in their goals.

So for now, I am busy busy busy, a bit overwhelmed, and wonderfully happy with the way things are going.  For once, I am actually enjoying my job! (Yes you can enjoy it and be annoyed/flabergasted/overwhelmed by it because that means you are being challenged!)

Until next time...If you start a new endeavor, be prepared to work very hard!  In the end it will be well worth it and hopefully you will have the time of your life!  :) If you want to buy my book, I have links on the side!  Check them out :)

Please visit http://rcbonitz.com and check out his work.  He did my first author interview and I hope to have him on here soon in an author interview!  :) and if you hurry you might still be able to read my interview! :)

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

I talked to a few people online who have physical limitations about the struggles they go through in their love relationships and here is what we came up with to make a 'troubled' relationship stronger.

So, we all know the ups and downs of love relationships right? Trust, love, desire, honesty it is all about working hard to keep things going. When you factor a physical limitation into all of that, what do you get? Well, you get a lot more hard work!

The spouse who isn't physically limited is bound to, at some point, feel like they are carrying way to much of the burden. The physically limited spouse is bound to feel guilty for not being able to do an equal amount of the physical aspects of having a family and they might also feel unappreciated for doing the stuff that they are able to do. Caring for the emotional well being of a household can sometimes be just as tiring as doing all of the driving, or carrying of kids, or fixing of things around the house.

So what happens when you put a person who feels like they do everything together with a person who feels guilty, but overworked (and always in pain) at the same time? FIREWORKS!!! Things can get rough. But if your relationship is strong and you work hard, you can overcome a lot.  When you add in the whole intimacy issue, when one partner has limitations on what they can do physically, well you have to work even harder.

I think the key thing in a relationship like this is UNDERSTANDING.  They physically able partner must absolutely understand what their partner is going through.  If they ever doubt their partner's physical capabilities that is going to ruin things right there. Understand and accept that they can not help you drive across the state, pull up carpet, carry the baby to the car. And for goodness sake  do not compare the physically limited partner to others.  Just because friend A has bad knees/hips/feet/back/eyes too and can do some physical stuff doesn't mean your partner can.  They may have different problems or different symptoms.

As for the physically limited partner, they need to realize that their significant other might need a bit more emotional support when they take over the physical duties of the house. An extra (or 100) 'good job!' can go a long way.  An extra hour break from doing the physical stuff (play on game console, taking a walk, watching TV, reading....) can also do wonders.  Don't be so hard on them if they don't finish a task right away.

Most of all, if there is only one person in the house bringing in income because of the physical limitations, do not hold that against the non working person.  There are plenty of things they do in  life to earn their share of the money brought home.  Money is one of the top problem causers in a relationship as it is, so don't make it worse in an already challenged relationship.

What is a good way to keep things going good in a challenged relationship?  Time alone is great.  Take a weekly, or even monthly date ALONE together.  If you have no one to babysit kids (if you have any) then by all means just let the kids play (or sleep) while you sit/lay alone in your bedroom and talk.  Talking is great for a relationship.

As for my relationship, I wouldn't say it's been easy because it hasn't, but we've done something right because in June we will be celebrating nineteen years of marriage and in October we will have been together 21 years!

Until next time...no matter what the challenges of your relationship are, if you want it to work then make it work. Relationships aren't easy, they are all about hard work!

MORNING BIRD, MORNING BIRD GO TO SLEEP

We have a morning bird living in a house of night owls and it isn't easy on anyone! Miss Crazy is our one and only morning bird.  For her, it means she wakes up earlier than everyone in the house and really, that's quite rough on a kid.  She wants to play but is constantly being told to go play quietly while everyone else sleeps, and to NOT under any circumstances wake up her brother, who is her #1 playmate.

And that is where the problems begin.  That girl can think up 101 excuses to bother those who are sleeping and she does not care how much trouble she gets in when she does it. But then again, I see her plan - bother bother bother and they will be forced awake to deal with me and I get what I want - everyone else awake with me. Hmmm Yeah, maybe I need to re think how we deal with her on that one.

And I know you are thinking hey why don't you just keep her up later and she will sleep in with the rest of you.  Haha nope. Over the summer last year we kept her up til midnight on a regular basis to try to get her to sleep later. Guess what time she slept til each and every time? 8:00 am. Um, not late enough kiddo.  We even put a sheet over her curtain so absolutely no light would get in. Still no luck.  Our dreams of staying up late and waking up late kinda didn't come true at all.

For us night owls, of course the problem is not being able to get enough sleep because of one awesome, but sleep challenged little girl. I'm serious, the child really does not know how to sleep.  She is one of those people who tosses and turns all night and wakes up a million times and then wakes up early...every day.  The only time she has ever slept longer than usual is when she is sick, but then once she wakes up she doesn't sleep again until that night. No sick day naps for her!

There really is no solution to this problem.  She just isn't a sleeper yet.  The Senior was a lot like this too but now would sleep the day through if I let her. So I guess we can just hope that Miss Crazy follows in her footsteps...someday. But then again she might follow in her daddy's footsteps and still be a morning bird when she is in her twenties and I won't be able to sleep in until she goes to college. (BTW The Shooter can still be a morning bird when he needs to be for work, but he makes an awesome night owl when I need him to be :))

So until my beautiful morning bird becomes a night owl (or moves out), I will gladly deal with no sleep so I can stay up late where it is quiet and I can actually think straight.  After all, that is what naps are for right?

Until next time...Differences happen in families, so as a parent, just suck it up and live with it.  Oh, um was that a bit harsh?  Yeah, well I need to be harsh with myself so I remember not to be too rough on my sweet little morning bird. :)

PSYCHED UP!

So I said I was going to cut back to two blog posts a week - Monday and Friday.  Well while driving The Shooter to work today I came up with a blog idea.  So I guess I will just have to say that I may only get two a week done while I am working on my novels but then again I might get three.  I advertise heavily when I put a new one up, so stay tuned :)

I have been asked to do a few more blogs about how my limitations affect life or how I deal with them or just information about them. So here you go!

Tranquility

Some days when you are 'broken' you have to psych yourself out to make sure you get through the day. For me the main worry is worrying about how I am going to juggle getting Little Butt in and out of the car, down the slick steps and across the icy/snowy pavement a thousand times when I am hurting and can't bend very well. (Okay, not a thousand times, but quite a few. It just seems like a thousand when I'm hurting)

The pain is usually pretty bad when I first wake up so I can't psych myself up for anything (except going back to bed). And when the kids are running around, being crazy and trying to get ready to leave the house I can't psych myself up either because I am faced with the prospect of immediately having to get them out of the house and into the car in one piece.

Recently I found the perfect place to psych myself up for the day when I need it.  We have two vehicles but one is not working so I have to take the Shooter to work (no physical ability required) and pick him up (have to get the kids in the car by myself).

Some days he has to go in at five, six or seven a.m., in a town of 50,000 people the streets are pretty much deserted at that time of the morning.  The minute The Shooter leaves the car I start to give myself the ultimate pep talk. (and there are no kids to interrupt me and no horrible drivers to divert my attention and it is so quiet out there). I am able to  tell myself that I can do this no matter what.  That even if Little Butt gives me problems getting dressed I can do it.  And you know what? It has been working.  I find it much easier to get through the day when I have that quiet time to prepare myself .

Now here comes the problem...bet you thought there wouldn't be one this time right? Well you see, I don't want to drive The Shooter to work.  I hate getting up so early and I hate driving in the dark. This leaves me with the question of what I will do to psych myself up when the tax refund comes and we fix his car.  I guess I could wake up a half hour before the kids, give myself fifteen minutes to stretch out some of the pain, and do it then. (I'm known for ditching plans to wake up earlier than absolutely necessary though.) I could go outside the night before where it is quiet and walk around for half an hour in the dark to psych myself out (although in the winter it is cold and in the summer it stays light way too late). Truthfully, I'm not sure what I will do once I don't have to drive the husband to work anymore, but you know, maybe that is half the problem. It really stresses me out to have to add that to my day.  And taking him to work might not include getting anyone in and out of the car by myself, but picking him up does. Maybe when I don't have to do that anymore I won't need so much preparation to get ready for my day because I won't have that extra pressure on my time and physical abilities. Who knows though. I guess we will see what happens when the time comes.  NOTE to my wonderful husband: Just because I hate having to drive you to and from work doesn't mean I don't love you <3

Until next time...Enjoy the quiet times, don't take them for granted. You can accomplish a lot in just a short time of contemplation.

UPDATES!

I got so into writing my novel yesterday that I totally forgot to write a blog.  I didn't feel like getting into anything too deep at 10 pm, so I decided to do an update on past blogs.  And here we go....

1. Pen and Paper, Paper and Pen

Well, it seems that I am slowly training myself to do more of my work on the computer.  Of course it helps that The Shooter bought me a new laptop to use.  But I can now do one or two blogs a week solely using the computer and I have been doing bits and pieces of the novel that way too.  I will even sometimes write down a bunch of ideas that go together on paper and then type them up and transform them into paragraphs of my book.  It is a bit daunting still, but managable.

2. My Baby is Possessed, Um I Mean Obsessed
Well, she still has her obsessions.  Some lesser now, but some are still the same.  She hates having her own drink and she still loves to be nakey all day long.  And now that she is weaned, she is obsessed with being rocked to sleep and our rocking chair is about to fall apart. haha

3. Be Careful What You Wish For - The Weaning of Little Butt
Well, there isn't much to say on this one except that SHE IS FINALLY TOTALLY WEANED! Oh and she kinda loves me again although some days she doesn't bother me much and only wants her two oldest sisters. I still love the little stinker more than anything though :)

4. Complicated mind of a 6 Year Old
She is getting better.  Believe me, she still has her moments but some days are pretty good.  She does seem to be suffering from middle child syndrome and sometimes feels forgotten and unloved but we are trying to fix that.

5. How Toys Drove me to the Brink of Insanity
Well most toy pieces are missing.  They are buried somewhere in one of our toy areas i'm sure.  I threatened the older ones if they threw any pieces away without my permission so i'm sure everything is still in the house.  The board came is still fully intact...because we haven't played it yet.  We put it up out of Little Butt's reach and forgot about it :/

6. Eh I Don't Need Sleep - Or Do I
Well I was getting a lot more sleep there for awhile and then I started working on my novel which threw sleep out the window which I explain in the blog My New Baby.

7. I Love Her... No Matter What
Well, she is still giving us a lot of trouble getting dressed but not nearly as much. She hasn't hurt me since that day and we haven't had any totally awful days since, so I guess whatever was bothering her that day was over quickly.  I'm thinking 2 year molars. :)

8. Judging My Brats
Well, I am still scared out of my mind because the kids have been really good in public...still. At home on the other hand...Anybody want to adopt five misbehavin' kids??? ;)

Until next time...I am working on a big project right now but I will try not to neglect you too much. :D

MY NEW BABY

I am in the process of giving birth again. Only this time the 'creature' I give birth to will not be a child so to speak. It will be one of the great loves of my life, but it will not be a breathing, squealing, eating, sleeping, pooping child.  This particular birth is from my mind.  My first Novel - Virgin Voyage.

Last night when I was laying there thinking of how the heck I was going to function on such little sleep I realized that the novel I am writing is very similar to a child. It causes worry, frustration, sleepless nights, and complete and utter joy. All of the things my children have inflicted upon me time and time again through the years. By the time my writing career is over I wonder how many 'children' I will have.  Many I hope because I wouldn't trade these things for the world.

You see, I started writing this novel in 2005. I fell totally, madly, deeply in love with all of the characters, especially the two main characters. I ate, drank, and slept this story. It was so hard for me because I always doubt my abilities to tell a good story but I loved everything about it so much that I couldn't imagine not finishing it.  Well, I eventually did finish it and sent a proposal to a publisher.  The minute I sent the query letter in the mail I knew I had made a mistake.  These characters and story would not fit in with this company. I didn't really want them to either. I would have to change too much and sacrifice too much.  Well when the rejection letter came saying the story didn't fit their requirements I was of course a bit hurt, but also very relieved.  I vowed to find a better way to showcase this special work.  But not quite yet.  I had worked on it so much that I could barely look at it after I finished it. It caused me way too much anxiety. I was afraid on one hand to spoil it and on the other hand to have it rejected. So here we are almost 8 years later and thanks to this blog I finally have the courage to tackle it again.


Here is where the worry comes in : The first thing I did was cut some crap from it.  Boy my writing skills have come a long way since then! Stuff I thought was an integral part of the story turned out to be excess fluff that just had to go. It took me a month of fretting and worrying daily to finally decide that I had the courage to do it. And once I did, the product I had left started to make me very excited. I started to fall completely in love with the characters and story all over again.

Now comes the frustration: Trying to get this new Chapter 1 perfect is driving me nuts! Once again I am second guessing my writing skills and some of my story devices to the point that if I don't just stop and be happy with what my three proof readers says is great, I will literally go flippin insane. (See mom sitting on the couch staring blankly at everyone for the rest of her life) AAAAAAHHHHHHHH. And you know what? Each subsequent chapter is going to be the same damn torture.

That brings us to the sleepless nights. Until this novel is complete and I upload it to Create Space, I will probably not sleep well (and as those who regularly read my blog know, that isn't good since I haven't slept well much of the last two years and 8 months). I lay awake thinking about these characters and the story and what I could do to make it better. I toss and turn wondering if what I am doing is right and if I am good enough (Yep, I"m full of self doubt yo!). And then I lay there wondering about the characters and story all over again.  At least I love these things that keep me awake at night right?  (Kids included ;))

Well now we will end with complete and utter joy: How could I not be totally thrilled with these characters that I love so much. How could I not be thrilled with sharing them with people who want to see me succeed (and total strangers - now that is scary!) Everything about this book whether it is a success or a giant failure is going to bring joy and peace to my life because it is my first, and will probably be my best loved NOVEL!!!

Until next time...If you have a passion for something, just do it and have fun and fall in love with it. The happiness it brings is indescribable and the ride to get there is crazy enjoyable.

EH I DON'T NEED SLEEP...OR DO I????

New Years morning I realized how important sleep truly is. Yes I have been sleep deprived before, after all I was a wild college kid (okay, semi wild - happy now?) and I am the mother of 5 horrible sleepers.

So, how did I come to this earth shattering conclusion  (Hey, it's earth shattering to me so :p). Well you see, it began about 2 1/2 years ago. On June 10th, 2010 I saw a plus sign on a little plastic device and within a week I was extremely sick and every night for the next 2 1/2 years, I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours at a stretch and my awake times would be upwards of 1 1/2 hours.

First I had a warped version of pregnancy induced insomnia and then I had a newborn and then I had an infant/toddler who nursed 2-4 times during the night, e.v.e.r.y. n.i.g.h.t. When I finally weaned her I still found myself waking up several times a night. Your guess is as good as mine as to why I still managed to watch the clock strike 1:15, 2:30, and 4:30 just about every night.

I truly thought I was going to lose my mind from exhaustion (although at the time I didn't realize that is what I was suffering from). The kids were getting on my nerves so easily.  It even got so bad that sometimes I would just let them go at it because I needed to step back and take a breather.  Every little thing that happened annoyed me. The school would pull one of their stupid stunts and I felt like I would explode. Wal Mart got my online order wrong or even lost one of them and I just about had what I affectionately call a 'shit fit.' I mean damn, I even put my almost 2 year old (and my 'Scary Six' year old Miss Crazy) to shame.

Believe it or not, the thing that should have tipped me off the most to how exhausted I really was, was my new found intolerance of the cold. I absolutely love the cold.  I mean if I am going to go outside for less than a half hour I don't wear a jacket unless it is below 20 degrees.  The cold revives and rejuvenates me like nothing else does. But lately, I was cold all the time. It was 40 degrees outside and I was shivering and my teeth were chattering.  I just kept wondering why I was worn down enough to actually feel cold.  I had no clue. And then I started to get achy but I knew I didn't have the flu and the only other time I get achy is when I am over tired.  Why this symptom didn't hit me sooner I have no clue. (Is it stupid that I still didn't totally realize that exhaustion was my problem?  Yeah, don't answer that please)

Slowly since I weaned Little Butt, I have been able to nap more with the kids home on break they would all be together so I could slip away. And then came the best night of my life (okay, maybe not the best, but pretty damn good) New Years Eve I stayed up until just about 1 am and then I fell asleep and I did not move again until almost 6 am.  Yes!  I slept for about 5 straight hours without even one wake up.   [Insert earth shattering conclusion here] You do not even know how good that felt, and I finally realized for sure that exhaustion is what was making me bitchy.  I don't think it was the amount of sleep I was getting that tired me out, but the quality of the sleep.  I mean after all, I had been through a 3 year period when my son was little where I didn't sleep for more than 4 hours a night but I slept for four solid hours and yes I got tired, but I didn't feel as awful as I did this time. I truly wonder how much longer I would have lasted at this level.  I felt on the verge of a major....meltdown? sickness? breakdown?  I'm not sure which it would have been, but something major was coming and I was dreading it.

Now, I'm not quite so worried. I am slightly rejuvenated and I think I have found a few things that will help me sleep better.  Yes, I know there will be days when I am back in my old pattern like when the hip pain is bothering me but that is okay, I am a mom and I expect to be sleep deprived, just not exhausted to the brink of illness. Remember just because we chose to be moms does NOT mean that we are going to take being tired into stride and love every minute of it.  We can love being mothers and still hate being exhausted and complain about it to everyone who will listen.  So next time a tired mom complains to you please just listen and understand it is as real and as important as it would be to someone without kids.

Until next time...Sleep well. :D