6 QUALITIES I WANT MY KIDS TO HAVE AS THEY GROW

Now that my first child is graduating from High School, I figure it is time that I write down life lessons that I hope they learn.

• 1st: Have a mind of your own, do what needs to be done and not what outsiders/trends/or takers push you to do 
• 2nd: Listen to authority, always. Whether it is teachers bosses or parents. Even if you feel grown  up or better than someone, always do what is expected of you.
• 3rd: Have the ability to admit when you are wrong. Being wrong doesn't mean you are stupid or unworthy. If you are wrong, admit and and move on. In the end you will be a better person and others will notice that.
• 4th: Don't lie because it is what you think others will want to hear, or just to get attention. Always tell the truth and anyone who truly loves you won't care that you are honest. Bottom line is, lies alienate the people who love you the most and you don't want to drive away your support system by lying to or about them.
• 5th: Don't be ashamed of the people you love. They do what they do and can't or won't change it. If you are proud of them, others will be too.
• 6th: Be as nice to family and friends as you are to strangers because in times of need, if you've treated them right, your family WILL pull you through, strangers won't because they don't know you.

These are all things I've seen teens and young adults struggling with and I hope that by putting them in a list, others can use them and maybe teach kids some good life lessons to make their lives easier. I know my kids can learn from some (or all) of these lessons. 

Until Next Time...I know growing up is hard, but it can be done with grace and kindness, we just need to give our children a push in the right direction.  I have yet to find out if my parenting will be a success or a failure, but within a few years, I will know and I just hope that everyone will be happy healthy and well rounded.

LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

I talked to a few people online who have physical limitations about the struggles they go through in their love relationships and here is what we came up with to make a 'troubled' relationship stronger.

So, we all know the ups and downs of love relationships right? Trust, love, desire, honesty it is all about working hard to keep things going. When you factor a physical limitation into all of that, what do you get? Well, you get a lot more hard work!

The spouse who isn't physically limited is bound to, at some point, feel like they are carrying way to much of the burden. The physically limited spouse is bound to feel guilty for not being able to do an equal amount of the physical aspects of having a family and they might also feel unappreciated for doing the stuff that they are able to do. Caring for the emotional well being of a household can sometimes be just as tiring as doing all of the driving, or carrying of kids, or fixing of things around the house.

So what happens when you put a person who feels like they do everything together with a person who feels guilty, but overworked (and always in pain) at the same time? FIREWORKS!!! Things can get rough. But if your relationship is strong and you work hard, you can overcome a lot.  When you add in the whole intimacy issue, when one partner has limitations on what they can do physically, well you have to work even harder.

I think the key thing in a relationship like this is UNDERSTANDING.  They physically able partner must absolutely understand what their partner is going through.  If they ever doubt their partner's physical capabilities that is going to ruin things right there. Understand and accept that they can not help you drive across the state, pull up carpet, carry the baby to the car. And for goodness sake  do not compare the physically limited partner to others.  Just because friend A has bad knees/hips/feet/back/eyes too and can do some physical stuff doesn't mean your partner can.  They may have different problems or different symptoms.

As for the physically limited partner, they need to realize that their significant other might need a bit more emotional support when they take over the physical duties of the house. An extra (or 100) 'good job!' can go a long way.  An extra hour break from doing the physical stuff (play on game console, taking a walk, watching TV, reading....) can also do wonders.  Don't be so hard on them if they don't finish a task right away.

Most of all, if there is only one person in the house bringing in income because of the physical limitations, do not hold that against the non working person.  There are plenty of things they do in  life to earn their share of the money brought home.  Money is one of the top problem causers in a relationship as it is, so don't make it worse in an already challenged relationship.

What is a good way to keep things going good in a challenged relationship?  Time alone is great.  Take a weekly, or even monthly date ALONE together.  If you have no one to babysit kids (if you have any) then by all means just let the kids play (or sleep) while you sit/lay alone in your bedroom and talk.  Talking is great for a relationship.

As for my relationship, I wouldn't say it's been easy because it hasn't, but we've done something right because in June we will be celebrating nineteen years of marriage and in October we will have been together 21 years!

Until next time...no matter what the challenges of your relationship are, if you want it to work then make it work. Relationships aren't easy, they are all about hard work!

I WANT I WANT I WANT TO EMBARRASS MY KIDS

You know that new car you want so bad you can barely stand it, but then you either can't find one you can afford or one that is just right? Or maybe that new gaming system? Or the new big screen TV? Or the new house? Or the new computer/tablet?

Then suddenly, one day you find just the right one and you can afford it and you finally get it!  You are so unbelievably excited.  You tell everyone you know about it, even strangers. And the minute you get it home/drive it/move in, it is all you can think about and you do everything you can to make it perfect and you don't want to leave it for the first month or more! So much excitement and joy in something so trivial right! You dance, you sing, you jump around and give people high fives (strangers and your kids mostly). But best of all, you embarrass the kids. (**evil grin**) Can you tell which one of those things is my favorite? Remind me one of these days to tell you about dancing in my chair and lip syncing to 80's music while I type my novel.  The kids hope and pray their friends aren't over then. (**another evil grin**)

This is it! (points and jumps up and down)

Well, the other day, I experienced the joy of finding that one perfect thing I have wanted for years. Can you guess what the product was? It was a desktop copy holder. You know, one of those mini easel looking things that hold your papers while you type.  Yep. I had been looking for one for years that would be just right. They were either too expensive (when I first started looking many years ago, they were in the $40.00 range and they all had to be ordered which meant shipping cost too) or I couldn't find just the right one, even at office supply stores. Well, I finally found the perfect one!!! With shipping I will be spending under $16.00. I am so excited I want to shout it from the rooftops. I just have to wait for it to arrive and then I will not let it out of my sight. I will probably even sleep with it. (Don't laugh, it will make me more likely to sleep with it. I'm defiant like that.)

What does this mean for me? It means no more sore neck and shoulders from having to bend over too far when I spend a marathon five hours at the dining room table working on my novel. (I know, I know, I really shouldn't do that, perhaps I should move to the couch for a bit? But don't you understand, I don't have a copy holder so it is even worse to sit on the couch because then the papers are too far away from me to read. Hmmm, maybe I need new glasses too?  I guess that will be the next purchase I get super excited about. But I won't sleep with those or they might break. haha!)

So, what is the point of this post? Is it to not be materialistic?  Nah, I think for many people we can't help but love our toys. I just try to balance that out with caring, charity and friendship. The point to this post is, even if you are weird enough for your kids to make fun of, keep being yourself.  (They'll either get over it or be embarrassed for the rest of their lives, which is great payback for all of the labor, headaches, and heartbreak.)

Until next time...Be yourself no matter what.  You can't be truly happy unless you are truly you!

RESPECT DAMN IT!!!

If you don't like hearing people vent, you might want to skip this blog and come back for the next one, although I will try not to be too whiny and preachy. I have been training myself to be more positive, but sometimes I just have to get stuff off my chest and then move on. This was one of those weeks where it seems like everything and everyone was pissing me off, and no I'm not PMSing. ;)

There are some things I observed that got my goat as they say. First, if you don't like listening to kids play and squeal or if you don't like them teasing and touching you, by all means DON'T HAVE ANY OF YOUR OWN, because every time you screech at them or tell them to stop bothering you, they are going to feel unloved and will eventually hate you. But I guess if you don't seem to like them, you won't care if they hate you then right? If a five year old starts to ask you a million questions about what you are doing, by all means, imagine you are gouging your eyes out with a fork, but don't let them know that is what you are thinking! Answer them and when you just can't take it anymore, redirect them and move on.  Kids deserve a bit of respect.  Kids being seen and not heard is a thing of the past and rightly so.  Just because you are a big bad adult doesn't mean that you bullying them will be any less harmful to them than if a peer was doing it.

Another thing that I observed is if you love, hug and mother someone to the exclusion of everyone else, DON'T COMPLAIN when they return your affection and want to be with you a lot.  You created the monster so you have to live with it. If you invite them to sit with you so you don't have to listen to them scream, don't bitch about it to them when they are clam and want to snuggle when you are busy. They deserve to be respected and have the love they show you returned without complaint.

The last thing I observed that bothered me has to do with competitive relationships.  If you have a competitive relationship with someone and they are being mean, DO NOT BE MEAN BACK. It will just start up a viscous cycle that you may never be able to come out of. It will ruin a relationship that may have otherwise thrived. You called me stupid so you are stupid too. Nope, wrong approach to take. There are many better ways to deal with it. Building mutual respect is the key.

I guess my goal in all of this is to point out that respect is seriously lacking in this day and age. It is one thing I really wanted to teach my children (and they do tend to show me some respect) however, it is very hard to teach this concept concerning others when none of their peers or adult role models have any respect for anything or anyone. I am only one person and although I may fail I will keep trying to teach my kids the concept of respect until my dying day. I hope others catch on to this and spread it around. I think our world would be a much better place. After all, I hate it when someone disrespects me. Don't you?

Until next time...It is possible to show respect and to disagree at the same time.  You just have to learn how and be willing to do it. And just because you are older or prettier or smarter doesn't mean you deserve more respect than others do. <3