Wednesday, October 30, 2013

READER QUESTION ANSWERED!

So, I have had quite a few questions about what I go through with my pain and stiffness etc.  I don't want any sympathy with this post.  I manage just fine. But I feel like so many of you are curious to what it feels like to be me so this is my response to all of you. And I know one person needs to know so they can understand their own pain and limitations and if I can help even one person, then I will be a happy woman!

First, the pain really isn't the main focus of what I feel day to day.  Yes, I do have chronic pain and yes sometimes I just want it to END!!! But the main thing that keeps me from functioning is the stiffness (although I'm not sure that is even the right word for it). And of course there is the lack of mobility that goes along with it. In simple terms, walking from the house to the car feels like running a mile with a three hundred pound pack. (And the hubs just thought I breathed heavy over him - well some of it is over him, but quite a bit of it is from my limitations) ;)

I guess I can start when I get out of bed in the morning and go from there. I can't just sit up in bed like most people. I have to lift my whole upper body without being able to bend it, until I get into a sitting position. It literally feels like I have five or six twenty pound weights attached to my shoulder/upper back area, sewn on with  a needle and thread that is also sewn through my lower back. So, once I lift what feels like that extra hundred pounds it feels like the thread rips all the way down my back and into my hips where the pain settles. (Pretty much any time I go from laying to sitting or sitting to standing)

Then once I go to stand up it feels like I have these hundred pounds worth of weight at my hips and I have another hundred or so pounds of weights attached to my chest, pulling one way while the ones at my hips pull the other. It makes it very hard to stand at all. So, once I am finally able to get the balance to move I add an extra hundred pounds of weights to my feet (and the pain is pretty constant still). See, not exactly stiffness but more like a heaviness.

So, basically, I walk around all day feeling like I have weights on my chest, lower back, and feet. It doesn't necessarily hurt to bend over to pick something up, but it is hard getting down with the weights on my hips and even harder getting up with the weights on my chest so I just don't bend very often. Now try walking around the store, or lifting pots and pans, or loads of laundry, or bending to get into the dryer or moving around in small spaces with all of that. It truly is nearly impossible. I have literally gotten stuck in my laundry room before between a laundry basket full of books and our freezer because I didn't have the freedom of movement I needed to turn just the right way to get out of there. (Thank goodness my then four year old son was strong enough to move the basket out of the way and give me room!)

Do I feel pain - yes! When I stand too long, sit wrong or when I do a complicated movement I feel the pain a lot (other times it is mostly just an ache), but it is trying to move that causes me the most trouble. It takes all of my energy just to lift my legs sometimes, or to bend over to change a diaper or pick up something off the floor.  The bad part is that I'm like this no matter what my weight is.  The pain gets better when I start losing weight, but the lack of mobility is still pretty bad. It doesn't mean I can't move fast if I have to - if my kids are in danger, I can move pretty quick, but I pay for it big time later.  I used to think it was my joints but it's not, it is just a very hard feeling to explain. When my dad's back used to go out this is how his legs would feel, I believe.

 So I know that it has to be because my pelvis is no longer supporting my body like it should. Now just to fix that while being on a budget. Hmmm.

Until Next Time...I hope you all have a wonderful and safe Halloween.  I will be out with my kids (if they earn it back) no matter how uncomfortable it is because that is just something I have to do. I will pay for it on the first of November, but I will get plenty of snuggles, rest and love because most of my family understands why I  can't do stuff (Not all unfortunately, but that is their problem, not mine). Happy and safe dressing up to all! <3

No comments: