Monday, December 3, 2012

PLEASE FORGIVE ME



Have you ever felt that someone saved your life, that without them your life may have had the worst possible outcome?  I’ve had that experience but it wasn’t a human that saved my life, it was a Rottweiler/Lab mix with baggy skin, kind eyes and a tongue that licked anything and everything, including the air. Her name was Kharizma but we called her Rizzy and originally she was The Shooter’s dog. Her sister Karma was my dog. But then one day I became pregnant with Miss Crazy. And Slowly over the next 40 weeks things changed.

The first twelve weeks of my pregnancy were rough, I felt completely awful. I even had to take seven weeks of leave from work. Every time I stood up I would feel sick so I just didn’t stand up much. Being a relatively unbroken mom and wife at the time, it was very stressful on me to not be able to do anything. Rizzy started spending less and less time playing with her sister outside and more and more time laying with me and keeping my stress level low. When I went back to work, things were great and I was stress free again, but it didn’t last long. My blood pressure was rising and I was afraid to over do it so I quit working and Rizzy was there by my side again. It wasn’t healthy for her, she started to gain a lot of weight because she got up briefly to eat and potty and then it was back to me again.

Week by week my blood pressure was high (although not dangerously so…yet) and I truly believe that the only reason it didn’t keep going higher was because Rizzy was there for me to pet, hug, kiss on and even talk to when I would get scared or stressed by my health issues. She would even bother me relentlessly when I would do too much so I would know to go sit down.  She knew how weak I actually was during this whole ordeal. Toward the end of my pregnancy my blood pressure began to creep up into the danger zone and they still had no idea why. Weekly tests showed that it wasn’t pre eclampsia and I was more scared than I had ever been in my life, for me and for my baby. When I was laying down with Rizzy’s head near my tummy I actually felt like everything would be okay. Our typical interaction would be me petting her head and her looking up with her big brown eyes locked on my face and licking wherever she could reach. And when I said “I love you Rizzy Mama” she would lay her head back near my tummy until I would roll over and she would lay there and let me pet my stress away. And if I would even move a quarter of an inch in my sleep she was there making sure everything was okay. Finally the day came when my blood pressure couldn’t be kept down any longer and it was time to have my little baby girl 3 1/2 weeks early. Rizzy had seen us through! I truly believe that if it hadn't been for this fat little (big) rott mix I and my sweet little baby would never have made it. To this day I think I would have had a stroke and the baby would have died along with me. The deal was sealed after this, and Rizzy was now my dog.  We were BFF’s.

Rizzy adored Miss Crazy when we brought her home from the hospital. We had the new baby and a new kitten and Rizzy actually started to lactate and treated both baby and kitten  like a mommy would. It warmed my heart beyond words. Even after the danger was over she was taking care of my sweet baby girl.

Life went on and Rizzy stayed by my side. I had another pregnancy (healthy this time) and we were doing our daily routines with an undiagnosed autistic child, a preteen and two little ones!  Life was good with my little (big) family and my BFF Rizzy. Then one day the Shooter came home with news that he was up for a promotion that financially we could never pass up. It was late May and we would be in a new city by August. There was so much to do and The Shooter would be at training for the better part of two months! From almost day one of the promotion adventure, we had planned to rent a place that would allow us to have our pets, but everywhere in town was way out of our price range. We knew it was time to start looking for new homes for our beloved pets. And we looked hard. We put ads in the papers, tried to find rescue groups, talked to vets and passed the word around town. At one point we thought we might be able to bring Rizzy and Karma with us after all because our plan was to buy a mobile home and rent a lone lot. But we ended up having to go into a mobile park where the dogs wouldn’t’ be allowed because they were half Rottweiler.  There was no other place that we could afford to live and still have the money left over that we would need for getting our daughter diagnosed with Autism. My heart was broken, I would have to get rid of my special fur baby and as time drew close the only place that could take them was the City animal shelter.  The day The Shooter and The Senior took them to that horrible pound, I cried so much I didn’t know if I could ever stop. I cried every day for three months over my Rizzy. I knew her chance of survival and adoption were slim. The guilt I felt then is still with me today and will probably be with me forever. Rizzy was my lifesaver and I turned out to be her death sentence. I always feel like I should have tried harder to find her a place to go. I don’t know for sure that she wasn’t adopted, but I know very well that she is most likely gone now because of me. I still cry sometimes but I can rejoice in knowing that thanks to this beautiful wonderful soul named Rizzy, I and Miss Crazy are alive and well. I often ask Rizzy to please forgive me.  And you know, I think she does but it doesn't make the pain any better.


NOTE: I found out that Rizzy and her sister did go to a great new home and lived there happily. 
Karma is still alive and Karizma passed away at the age of 11 after along happy life with kids to play 
with and love her. I still feel guilty and will always love and miss her but at least I know she had a 
good life.

Until next time…Love and cherish  your fur babies <3

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