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| She's getting so big! |
Well, in three days my last baby turns 2. She won't be a baby anymore (although I will probably always think of her as a baby). I just want to know where the hell the time has gone. It was yesterday that I woke in the middle of the night feeling funny and took my blood pressure. It was high so I called my doctor and she had me go in the next morning to be tested. Every sign of pre eclampsia was there and within two days I was holding my baby girl in my arms for the first time. It was yesterday wasn't it? I mean come on, it feels like yesterday.
But no, it was two years ago. We've been through birth, recovery, immunizations check ups, teething, rolling over, sitting up, standing, walking, talking, and tantrums. Enough time does not seem to have passed to have gone through all of that.
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| My little comedienne! |
It really is true what they say. The older you get, the faster time goes. When I had the senior 17.5 years ago every day seemed to drag on and I feel like I got to enjoy every second. The same with the Freshman. But Miss Crazy, Mr. Insane have grown up so fast that I almost feel like I have whiplash. I know I experienced all of the same milestones with them that I did with the older two, but they just didn't seem to take as long. And for this I have mourned and moved on.
I often wonder if the fact that Little Butt is definitely my last baby has something to do with how I feel about her turning two. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that my baby girl is growing up healthy and happy but Damn why did it have to happen so fast. I will never get to experience the milestones of the first two years again.
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| My last two babies <3 |
I may get to watch my grand kids take first steps and say first words (or I may not) but it just isn't the same as having my baby do it. If given the chance would I have another child. Well, you can just stop the train of thought right here and now because it ain't gonna happen. No way in H.E. double hockey sticks. But that doesn't mean that I am not sad about not being able to experience the baby years ever again. My emotions are so jumbled over this, and I think it is totally normal to feel this way. I've spent a huge part of my life either becoming a mother or being a mother and the fact that Little Butt is turning two now really hits home that it is OVER. The baby years are over for me and although I don't want any more kids, it is still kinda sad. It is time to move on to the next step of life. I will enjoy the kids I have and then when the time comes I will enjoy the grand kids and then send them home to their parents ;)
Until next time... Please allow yourself to grieve the little things that make you sad. It doesn't have to be a huge, drawn out process. Just a little sadness and maybe a few tears and then realize what you already have and move on to enjoy it.
2 comments:
I can relate to this totally. It took me until 38 to finally be able to have a baby, number 2 followed a year later and it all seems like yesterday and yet my baby is 16 months old.
Some days I do feel a little tinge of sadness that I won't be pregnant again (most of the times I'm relieved!)
I totally get where you are coming from! I had my last three in my late thirties early forties and it is all so crazy. I too am relived not to have more kids but I think I will miss the fun parts. :)
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