BABY NO MORE...EVER AGAIN

She's getting so big!

Well, in three days my last baby turns 2.  She won't be a baby anymore (although I will probably always think of her as a baby). I just want to know where the hell the time has gone. It was yesterday that I woke in the middle of the night feeling funny and took my blood pressure. It was high so I called my doctor and she had me go in the next morning to be tested.  Every sign of pre eclampsia was there and within two days I was holding my baby girl in my arms for the first time. It was yesterday wasn't it? I mean come on, it feels like yesterday.

But no, it was two years ago. We've been through birth, recovery, immunizations check ups, teething, rolling over, sitting up, standing, walking, talking, and tantrums.  Enough time does not seem to have passed to have gone through all of that.

My little comedienne!

It really is true what they say. The older you get, the faster time goes. When I had the senior 17.5 years ago every day seemed to drag on and I feel like I got to enjoy every second.  The same with the Freshman. But Miss Crazy, Mr. Insane have grown up so fast that I almost feel like I have whiplash. I know I experienced all of the same milestones with them that I did with the older two, but they just didn't seem to take as long. And for this I have mourned and moved on.

I often wonder if the fact that Little Butt is definitely my last baby has something to do with how I feel about her turning two. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that my baby girl is growing up healthy and happy but Damn why did it have to happen so fast. I will never get to experience the milestones of the first two years again.

My last two babies <3

I may get to watch my grand kids take first steps and say first words (or I may not) but it just isn't the same as having my baby do it.  If given the chance would I have another child.  Well, you can just stop the train of thought right here and now because it ain't gonna happen. No way in H.E. double hockey sticks. But that doesn't mean that I am not sad about not being able to experience the baby years ever again. My emotions are so jumbled over this, and I think it is totally normal to feel this way.  I've spent a huge part of my life either becoming a mother or being a mother and the fact that Little Butt is turning two now really hits home that it is OVER. The baby years are over for me and although I don't want any more kids, it is still kinda sad. It is time to move on to the next step of life. I will enjoy the kids I have and then when the time comes I will enjoy the grand kids and then send them home to their parents ;)

Until next time...  Please allow yourself to grieve the little things that make you sad. It doesn't have to be a huge, drawn out process. Just a little sadness and maybe a few tears and then realize what you already have and move on to enjoy it.

TO BE A WOMAN

I am straying from the usual for today. (I know, I know, I promise we will be back to normal on Wednesday and I will most likely have a picture blog tomorrow) But there is something I want to talk to you about today. In Friday's blog I mentioned having a female problem that makes me feel like death. I have had some people ask me about it and when I tell them what it might be, they have never heard of it. Then I did some research and found out that not a lot of people have heard of it...period.  It is called Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome. It is basically a series of symptoms that occur AFTER a woman has her tubes tied. They mimic the symptoms of pre menopause.

SYMPTOMS OF PTLS
1. Eptopic pregnancy or pregnancy (well known risk of tubals)

2. Hot flashes, flushes, night sweats and/or cold flashes,
clammy feeling, chills

3. Bouts of rapid heart beat

4. Irritability

5. Mood swings, sudden tears

6. Trouble sleeping through the night (with or without night sweats)

7. Irregular periods; shorter, lighter periods; heavier periods, flooding;
phantom periods, shorter cycles, longer cycles

8. Loss of libido 

9. Dry vagina 

10. Itchy vagina-at time raw like, can radiated from whole area, with
absence of yeast infections. 

11. Color change in vaginal area. (color gets darker -darker red to purple)

12. Crashing fatigue - Chronic Fatigue

13. Anxiety, feeling ill at ease

14. Feelings of dread, apprehension, doom 

15. Difficulty concentrating, disorientation, mental confusion

16. Disturbing memory lapses

17. Incontinence, especially upon sneezing, laughing; urge incontinence


18. Prolapse of uterus do to rapid decrease in estrogen levels.

19. Itchy, crawly skin 

20. Aching, sore joints, muscles and tendons 

21. Increased tension in muscles

22. Breast tenderness

23. Decrease in breast mass

24. Headache change: increase or decrease

25. Gastrointestinal distress, indigestion, flatulence, gas pain, nausea
Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS)

26. Sudden bouts of bloat

27. Depression 

28. Exacerbation of existing conditions

29. Allergies developing or increasing - (Chronic sinusitis).

30 Nasal infections-necessitating antibiotics

31. Weight gain 

32. Hair loss or thinning, head, pubic, or whole body; increase in facial hair

33. Dizziness, light-headedness, episodes of loss of balance

34. Changes in body odor

35. Electric shock or stabbing sensation under the skin. 

36. Tingling in the extremities, 

37. Gum problems, increased bleeding

38. Burning tongue, burning roof of mouth, bad taste in mouth, change in
breath odor 

39. Osteoporosis (after several years )

40. Changes in fingernails: softer, crack or break easier

41. Stabbing pains in pelvic area at time of ovulation

42. Pelvic Pain

43. Development of Adenomyosis

44. Development of Ovarian/Tubal Cysts

45. Decreased Lactation Ability

Now you notice above that I said I might have it. I am 42 and I could truthfully be in pre menopause, but the doctors doubt it. And I didn't have any symptoms until after having my tubes tied.  There are even some who say this disorder doesn't exist because a majority of women who have it are of an age to be experiencing pre menopause.  But then I have to wonder about the 24 year old woman who had her tubes tied and is suffering with a majority of the symptoms I've listed.  I also ran across a blog the other day about a 29 year old with PTLS. There really are many women out there who are young and have the syndrome.

For me,  many of the symptoms I have developed are manageable.  I am already on medications to help with the mental hardships although when I'm ready to be done with being a woman, I can still get sad. Some things are extremely hard to live with however. It is awful enough to have the normal dripping, bleeding and cramping every month, Imagine having all of that doubled after a simple surgery to help keep you from getting pregnant. It is hard enough for me to stand up during 'that time of the month' as it is,  let alone take kids to and from school and  manage doctor appointments and grocery shopping and everything else that it takes to run this household. And with three child bearing age females in the house we spend a fortune on feminine products without adding my extra to it. And then there is the itching, it is enough to drive me batty and make me literally want to jump out the window. (Not that it would do me much good, we aren't that high off the ground.) The hot flashes really suck too ( I hate being hot, hence the reason we left Nevada) as does the pelvic pain. I already have enough pain in that area and I could really do without it!!! Many of the other 'smaller' symptoms are ones I have learned to live with and I can manage pretty well. Although truthfully my life would probably be ten times better if I got rid of the smaller ones too.

PTLS doesn't happen to every woman, one of my dearest friends had lighter shorter periods after her tubal. Lucky lady I say!  But the worst thing about this syndrome??? Many people don't believe it exists so you get a lot of the annoying 'it's all in your head' speeches from people. I can just hope that more research can be done so these women can have a definitive diagnosis and will stop being made to feel crazy.

Am I trying to keep people from getting Tubal Ligations?  No definitely not. As a form of birth control it is really nice. And not everyone will get PTLS from the surgery.  My main thing with this syndrome is that women need to start being told about the possible side effects of the procedure. Plain and simple, give us the chance to have an informed choice.  I was told about Tubal Ligation as a possibility during my last three pregnancies but I was never once told about what I might have to face after the surgeries.  ( By the time I got pregnant with Little Butt and planned the surgery, all I had heard through the grapevine was that my periods might get worse, but probably wouldn't.) Truthfully I'm not sure what I would have chosen if I had been told the truth, but I still feel kinda cheated that I wasn't given the choice.

So my main point here is to give a small voice to this little known disorder. I can't believe how many people have never heard of it.

There is a website that advocates passing legislation that makes doctors list PTLS as a possible side effect of the surgery.  If you want more information about the syndrome or to learn about the possible legislation visit www.tubal.org. 

Until next time...I'm trying out the other major blogging site and am doing a blog to help people keep up with the new developments in trying to make me less broken (hip stretches that might help cure my hip and foot) if you want to check it out here is the address http://alittlelessbroken.wordpress.com. Just remember it isn't like this blog, it will just be quick updates on my progress with the new exercises.  :)

Note: I got the symptoms list from various places online incuding tubal.org.