LESSONS I'VE LEARNED - Being an Older Mom

When I first became pregnant with Miss Crazy, I was 35 years old and scared out of my mind. I would be considered high risk and I hadn't been a new mom in eight years!  First I hoped that I would survive the birth, and second I hoped I could love a new child at 35 the same way I had at 25.

The worse my health got through the pregnancy, the more afraid I became - not just about my health, but my ability to love this child. If something happened to me would I resent her? If something happened to her would my rare occasions of wishing I wasn't pregnant make my heart ache with the darkness of guilt?

Fortunately, we both made it through and we were both alive and well. Unfortunately, the obstacles to our bonding just kept coming. My recovery from the C-section was long and extremely painful, trying to nurse her was a nightmare and my hips/back hadn't tolerated the birth well at all. When she was 4 months old, my hips went completely out. I couldn't move from my bed and even ended up in the ER with severe upper back spasms. My oldest had to help me take care of her (The Shooter worked odd and varying hours). When Miss Crazy woke up for a middle of the night feeding, The Senior was sleeping in her room and fed her for me. When she needed held or nursed she was brought to me in bed. It suddenly felt as if my whole world was crashing in on me. I couldn't move, my baby wouldn't nurse unless I practically forced her to, and she seemed to love my 11 year old more than she loved me.

Once I healed and was able to take over mothering duties, I sat late one night in Miss Crazy's room feeding her a 2 a.m bottle. I felt useless and removed from everything. Then it happened. I looked down at this baby that I felt no bond with and her eyes popped open and at that very fragile moment, I knew that being an older mom was what I was meant to do. I cried, holding her for an hour. Our bond formed strong and hard that dark early morning.

For the first four months of her life, I often wondered how my mistake of becoming a mom over 35 would affect the child (notice I said 'the' child and not 'my' child). Plain and simple, I figured I was too old and set in my ways to love a new baby. But that cold January night, my thoughts and beliefs changed in an instant.  I realized that if I had gone though the same difficulties with my older kids (when I was 25 and 28), I would probably have gone over the edge. I would literally have lost my mind. Being an older mother had brought patience I hadn't had with The Senior and The Freshman. In turn, it further developed my ability to love, forgive and manage. And best of all it gave me the ability to be a better mother to all of my kids. I'm not saying that I was a horrible mother to the first two, I just wasn't functioning to the best of my ability.

The addition of Mr. Insane and Little Butt were joyous occasions with no doubts about my parenting. I was more confident in all of my abilities. My harried over reactions to a sick child became calm decision making in a crisis or not so much of a crisis. And my ability to enjoy my kids was heightened. I no longer worried so much about how I was raising them, but about how much we were enjoying each other.

Should everyone wait and become an older mom?  No, absolutely not. I wouldn't trade my time as a younger mom for the world. But if you do become an older mom, don't fear it. Enjoy it and use the wisdom you have gained through the years to not sweat the small stuff. And by all means if you show even minor signs of Postpartum Depression do not be afraid to ask for help!!!

Until next time...Have a wonderful and blessed Christmas <3

SHARING MY HOLIDAY TRADTIONS

I absolutely love hearing about other people's holiday traditions so I thought I would share our family's with you. From October 31-December 25th our lives are filled with the joy of the holiday season. Now that we have our little family finalized (Little Butt IS our LAST child!!!) it is time to start reveling in the traditions we have built for our family.

I am sure our Halloween traditions will hinge on where we live. When The Senior and The Freshman were little we lived in Nevada where the weather was nice late into October. We didn't have much of a neighborhood so we went to the Shooter's parents house where my MIL and I would take the kids around their neighborhood.

Once we moved to Evanston and added two new kids to the mix, we didn't have family to team up with, so one adult stayed home to give out candy and one took the kids out around our quaint little neighborhood. But you know, it was mighty cold for the littlest ones so when we moved to Casper and hardly anyone was home in our neighborhood, we decided to try the trick or treating at Wal Mart and the mall. All of a sudden we had our newest tradition. So now every year we head to the retail section of town and go Trick or Treating.

It seems that just as soon as the excitement of Halloween calms down it is time to prepare for Thanksgiving. Our celebration is usually pretty low key but still fun.  We spend all day hanging out and preparing dinner. When dinner time rolls around we sit down as a family and, luck being on our side, we have a great family meal. (We can be flexible too though because this year dictated we go out for dinner and it was fun but very expensive!)  After dinner, The Senior and I partake in early Black Friday Shenanigans, but only if by doing so we help the family financial situation by finding stuff we really need on super sale.  When money is tight you do everything you can to save money and make Christmas great for the little ones. Otherwise we wait until Friday to brave the mess.

The day after Thanksgiving is not only spent shopping, but decorating for Christmas too.  We spread it out throughout the whole day, singing Christmas songs and making sure everything looks perfect.  We end the day with a repeat of our Thanksgiving meal And...before we know it, it's Christmas!

I think our Christmas traditions are probably my favorite and Christmas Eve is the best day. We spend it together, cooking and watching Christmas shows while we fix our big Christmas Dinner of turkey, stuffing, potatoes, cranberry sauce, sauerkraut, peas and pies. This  one was quite foreign to me and I wasn't sure if I liked it at first . . .but then I had kids and now I love it. It became very hard with my physical limitations, to manage all of the excitement of Christmas day festivities when it involved cooking all day too. I discovered it was nice to just play with the kids and their new toys.

After Christmas Eve dinner we open up one present each (sometimes more. if between relatives and Santa, we have too many) No matter how many we open early, one of them always has to be the one from Uncle G.  It just wouldn't be Christmas Eve without our Uncle G. presents being opened :)

We actually let the kids stay up a bit late in hopes that they won't wake up so early, haha. It doesn't work usually, but they enjoy watching Santa on NORAD while they wait for bed time so it is worth it anyway. Santa's gifts then get put together and put out before it is bedtime for the adults and bigger kids.

You see, for our family, Santa doesn't wrap the gifts he gives (and Mom and dad don't get gifts from him so the kids can get more) He just puts them near the tree. But he does wrap the stocking stuffers to spice things up a bit.

As soon as the kids wake up, usually between 7:30 and 8:30, our day begins and the kids get some time to enjoy the unwrapped 'Santa' gifts. Once things settle down again it is time to open the stocking gifts. Of course the kids tear through this in no time even though they have to patiently take turns. Breakfast is next on the agenda - always something out of the ordinary. Might be a decadent cinnamon roll or a full breakfast. It all depends on what the breakfast chef (The Shooter) decides he wants to do.

While the kids are still somehow sedated by the big, filling breakfast, we tackle the presents under the tree. We each take turns and if someone wants to stop to play with a new toy or add songs to their new MP3 then that is what we do and then resume opening gifts when everyone is ready (little ones are always ready) It doesn't really matter how long it takes though because we just hang out and play all day. Some of us even get the chance to nap before we have an 'instant repeat'  of the previous night's dinner.

There is one tradition that we used to have that we miss very much. Driving around town to look at Christmas lights was so easy in Nevada, we didn't have to worry about the weather or work schedules interfering. In Wyoming we have had one or the other putting a dent in our plans.  I wanted to go on Christmas Eve this year since The Shooter is off work, but low and behold, the weather is supposed to be crap. So I guess we will see what happens.

Until next time...If you send me some of your traditions I will compile them in a blog post to share. (No names necessary) Any holiday from any culture or religion will be wonderful.  Just email me at brokenwifeandmom@gmail.com

RECIPE THURSDAY - Holiday Goodies

RECIPE THURSDAY -Enjoy some yummy holiday recipes :)

EGG NOG POUND CAKE

Ingredients
1 (16-oz.) package pound cake mix
1 1/4 cups eggnog
2 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
Preparation
1. Preheat oven to 350°. Beat all ingredients together at low speed with an electric mixer until blended. Increase speed to medium, and beat 2 minutes. Pour into a lightly greased 9- x 5-inch loaf pan.
2. Bake at 350° for 1 hour to 1 hour and 5 minutes or until a long wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan on a wire rack 10 minutes. Remove from pan to wire rack, and cool completely (about 1 hour).

PEPPERMINT MILK CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES

Ingredients

2 ½ cups all-purpose flour

¾ tsp. baking soda

1/8 tsp. salt

1 cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

1 cup packed light brown sugar

¾ cup granulated sugar

1 tsp. vanilla extract

2 large eggs, at room temperature

7 ounces milk chocolate chips

7 ounces Andes Peppermint Crunch Chips

Directions

In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt; set aside.

Using a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment (or in a bowl by hand), beat together the butter, brown sugar, granulated sugar, and vanilla on medium speed just until smooth, about 2 minutes.

Beat in the eggs one at a time until thoroughly incorporated, then stir in the flour mixture followed by the chocolate and peppermint chips.

On a lightly floured work surface, divide the dough into quarters. Shape each quarter into a log about 9 inches long. Wrap the logs in plastic wrap and refrigerate until firm, preferably for 24 hours (do this part for real please).

Position racks in the upper and lower thirds of the oven; preheat the oven to 350°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper or silicone baking mats.

Slice the logs into disks ¾ inch thick and place the disks 3 inches apart on the prepared baking sheets. If the chips crumble out (and they will), simply push them back in, they reshape nicely.

Bake, rotating the baking sheets midway through baking, until the cookies are very lightly browned in the centers, about 10 minutes. If you like soft chocolate chip cookies, as I do, err on the side of underbaking.

Let the cookies cool on the baking sheets until firm enough to handle, then use a spatula to transfer them to a wire rack.

Adapted from Ready for Dessert by David Lebovitz

PEPPERMINT FUDGE

Ingredients

1 – 14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk

1 Tb. butter + extra for buttering the dish

1 lb. dark chocolate chips/chunks

1/4 tsp. salt

1/4 tsp. peppermint extract

1 tsp. vanilla extract

1 cup Andes Peppermint Chunks

Directions

Grease a 8 X 8 or 8 X 11 baking dish. Sprinkle half the peppermint chunks in the bottom of the dish and set aside.

Place a medium sauce pot over medium heat with 2 inches of water. Place a glass bowl over the top–making sure the glass doesn’t touch the water.

Pour the condensed milk and butter in the bowl and heat.

Add the chocolate chips and salt in the bowl. Stir the chocolate and watch as it melts and thickens–about 5 minutes.

The mixture should thicken to a THICK cake batter consistency–almost too thick to pour.

Add both extracts and mix well.

Pour the mixture into the dish. Gently tap the dish on the counter for at least a minute to allow air bubbles to rise to the surface and to smooth the surface.

Sprinkle the remaining peppermint chips over the top and refrigerate for at least 3 hours, maybe longer, to set.

To cut, dip a sharp knife in hot tap water, wipe and cut quickly. Dip and wipe the knife between cuts. Cut into 1 inch squares.

Preparation time: 3 minute(s)

Cooking time: 10 minute(s)

Number of servings (yield): 12+ (up to 64 pieces)

THE COMPLICATED MIND OF A 6 YEAR OLD

You hear much talk about the 'terrible' twos/threes or the 'freaky' fours and yes they all have some major bad points, but to me the 'scary' sixes are the absolute worst year. It is a major threshold between little kid and big kid.  One minute he/she might be screaming and throwing a fit to rival any two year old and the next  they are sneaking make up and their sister's clothes to try to look older. Every six year old I've had (3 now at this point) has been moodier than a teenager on her period (or me when I'm pregnant, haha).

My crazy 6 year old

Truthfully my six year old, Miss Crazy, is about to give me a serious case of the roller coaster pukes.  A typical day for us involves a mean cycle of snuggles, screaming, pouting, anger, defiance and extreme joy.  I love waking up in the morning to hugs and I love you's because they are the best.  But it quickly turns into defiance as she decides she doesn't want to listen to me and either go play quietly so others can sleep or go get her clothes to get ready for school. There have literally been times when she has come into my room or her older sister's room and bothered us repeatedly just to see how much she can get under our skin. Can I have this, can I have that, can I have the other thing, can I do this.  It's enough to drive you nuts.  

Then, especially if her brother is awake too, the defiance is quickly followed by loud extreme joy at play. I'm talking running, screeching, smiling, and laughing so much that you wonder how she doesn't pass out from lack of oxygen (and you secretly wish you had ten percent of her energy)

Next comes the anger when she and her siblings get into it over something stupid. You know when she 'accidentally' steps on her brother's foot and he gets mad and a screaming fight ensues.

This phenomena is quickly followed by a screaming tantrum when either she gets in trouble for starting a fight or she doesn't get what she wants.  I tell you, that girl can really give my almost two year old a run for her money in the tantrum department, and she has that typical six year old girl high screechy voice that makes your ear drums bleed. 

When she doesn't win and have us bowing to her every whim, she quickly moves onto pouting.  And boy does she have the cutest damn pout face that is very hard to resist.  She has literally pouted for 2 hours before.  She's got it down! Then of course, the cycle starts all over again with the snuggles, which have I mentioned, are the best ever!

If you look closely, these aspects pretty much describe a two year old too.  So why why in the hell does it bother me so much more in a six year old than in a two year old? Well, I have come to a few conclusions. First of all, a two year old doesn't really know any better and a six year old is starting to learn better behaviors because they have started school.  (And believe me, you hope and pray that they act better at school than they do at home!) Second, a six year old can talk much better than a two year old can. And for me, the words 'no' or 'shut up' are much worse than just crying.  Oh, and the six year old can add crying on top of the words and it is just horrid to listen to. Third, the glare of a two year old is actually cute and sometimes very amusing (yes, I laugh at my child when she glares at me)  but the glare of a six year old can be serious business.  It can actually kind of  make you sad that your child could be that mad at you. (But don't give in of course!)

By the time the child turns seven things rapidly get better over the next few years.  Even pre-teens and teens are much better to me, but that is another story. I believe I am of the minority out there who love the 'terrible' twos/threes and even the 'freaky' fours compared to the 'scary' sixes.  If I could skip that year and come out at 'settling in' seven I would gladly do it.  Of course I am right in the middle of all of this right now and I do often wonder if some of Miss Crazy's  quirks are caused by the fact that she is the middle child which means she is the much younger sibling to two and the older sibling to two.  It is a wonder she isn't really crazy yet! But then what explains my older two girls going through the. same. damn. thing. at that age.  My kids are either screwy or it is a natural part of growing up.  Either way, I'll take my six year old any day.  She was my fist kid as an older mom and is sweet, happy, and crazy wonderful...when she wants to be.  I just keep reminding myself that she won't be six forever.

Until next time...I once had a respected educator tell me that a child who misbehaves at home and behaves at school has parents that are doing everything right.  If that is the case, I'm the best mom ever!!! ;)

BEAUTIFUL ALASKA PT 4

Before leaving Alaska we had a day of cruising which took us through Misty Fjord where the captain slows the ship down to a crawl and there are opportunities to take pictures all around. Next time in the conclusion of the Beautiful Alaska series we will actually be in Beautiful British Columbia where will will visit Craigdarroach Castle and Butchart Gardens in Victoria.

Glacier!

Steep Cliff!

Look at the color of that ice!

Absolutely beautiful and cold!

Calm waters!

More glacier and snow covered peaks

I get breathless and cold looking at this

Glacier up close

Clouds come down to meet the mountains

Breathtaking view

Beautiful water and mountains

Clouds and snow capped mountains

Look at the color of that water!

Beautiful Vista

Snow capped

Mountains

Loving the color of the water so much!

Peaceful

Calm Waters

Waterfall!

Cliffs!

Leaving the beauty!

So long alaska :'(

Beauty!

So long, farewell to you Alaska!

BOARD GAMES BANNED! Why I banned them.

So I bought my 6 year old a board game for Christmas. I vowed never to bring another one of those things into my house again because every time I bought one (since having kids) the pieces have been lost, or the board broken, or the box destroyed, and some times all three. (Any game or toy with small pieces really) But I just can't fathom a child not experiencing Candy Land, Chuttes and Ladders, Sorry, or Clue at least once. Candy Land is sitting in my closet waiting for Santa to put it under the tree on Christmas eve night. . .and I am waiting for the game to be completely destroyed by New Years.

The Shooter's parents still have board games and toys from when he was a child and when I was young, I would have my games for many years. So that means either my parenting sucks or my kids can't physically put games away for some unknown, probably unscientific reason. Let's explore this a bit further. The shooter and I were taught that when we played a board game we put it away immediately. Plain and simple, if we didn't we were in big trouble. We did what we were taught to do every time.

I thought I had been teaching the same to my kids, but somehow, it didn't turn out the same.  The kids would ask if they could play a game and we would get it out for them with strict words to put it up properly before moving onto their next adventure. While I was busy doing my own thing (cleaning, going potty, writing etc) they would move onto a new activity and when I would check on them, the game would still be scattered all over the table or floor. They would be made to pick it up and punishment would ensue and then. . .just hit repeat about a dozen times.  I tried everything, including holding my need to potty until they were done playing so that I could supervise clean up, and even not letting them have the games unless an adult was playing.  But first of all, with every kid it gets harder and harder to trick the bladder, and second, what kind of fun is it to have to play with your parents when you don't want to.  Actually what kind of fun is that for parent or child. (My children were kinda quirky and didn't like adults during play.)  I also tried grounding and probably just about a dozen other things to no avail. Eventually I would either find the creative little devils using (and losing) the game/toy pieces in ways in which they weren't intended or I would find them sliding through the kitchen using the game board and box as skate boards. Eventually I gave up on having games in our house even though I knew I would really miss the family game nights - the rare occasions when the games were treated properly. Besides, there was no way we could afford to keep buying new games every few months!

I guess I could have watched the kids closer, but that really isn't how I parent and it isn't how they have fun. Yes I think it is very important to engage and interact with your kids a lot, but I can't do it all day, every day. I had things I needed to get done and the kids needed to learn to be independent. You see, my kids are kind of a strange breed in that they have to want me to play a specific role in their game play adventures. If I organize something or they don't specifically invite me to play, they don't want me around.  So what was a mom to do? Keep buying board games over and over or completely ban them?  I chose to ban them. . .until I had three more kids. Unfortunately I didn't ban other toys with small pieces so I soon realized the younger three kids are the same as the older two when it comes to these things.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving night 2012. I figured I could try one last time this year to see if we could keep one bard game intact for more than a week. Do I expect it to happen?  No! We are talking about kids who can't be bothered to put their books back in their backpacks when done studying, toys in the toy box when done playing, or dishes in the sink when done eating. No matter how much I teach them to or punish them, they just don't learn. But then that leaves you to wonder how the kids are turning out so good.  They have learned to be independent, strong, polite and kindhearted at my hands so why can't I teach them to put small toys/game pieces in a box when they are done playing with them!  I don't know.  I think this one is beyond even me, maybe it is just one of those things. (Cue Twilight Zone music)

Until next time. . .hold your loved ones tighter <3

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR -The Weaning of Little Butt

The other day I was having a discussion online with some mommy friends and I told them how fed up I was with Little Butt constantly wanting to sit on my lap, keeping me from getting stuff done.  I also mentioned that I figured it was because she was so obsessed with nursing that she did it.  The other day she was just having an awful time and was on my lap literally all day and I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I couldn't breathe.  So I had one of her older siblings take her into another part of the house and I put band aids on my nipples.  Needless to say, she was a bit upset, but she seemed even more worried that mommy had owies.  She fussed a bit off and on that evening but didn't try to take the band aids off.  That night she fell asleep with no problem (not a usual thing) and I thought things were great.  And then came 2:30 am.  She woke up (kinda) and wanted 'boobie'. She screamed, cried, kicked and flailed her arms for almost an hour.  She finally gave up without turning blue for once and tossed and turned for another hour before falling back to sleep.  We'd made it through.

Day two she did wonderful and only asked for 'boobie' a few times although she did come up to snuggle, pat me and ask if I was okay quite often (awwww so sweet!)  I had become engorged and she was fascinated with the cabbage I was using to dry up my milk. She even tried to steal some from my bra although she didn't try to sneak any milk. At bed time, her oldest sister's shoulder was the perfect place to fall asleep and she didn't make a fuss when we put her to bed.  We were making progress!

And now day three.  She came out of the bedroom and ran up to me and sat on my lap, asking if I still had the owies.  I showed her the cabbage and she just snuggled me for a bit and got down to play.  Now she refuses to sit on my lap for more than 10 seconds (I counted) .  She has barely acknowledged me all day, only asking for 'boobie' once today and that was when she saw me without my bra on. In the end playing was more important I guess because she gave up quickly and went right back to it.  Of course after the events that happened yesterday in Connecticut I could use some extra snuggle time with my youngest (and all the kids really) but I did ask for her to stop being up in my face all day and I did ask for her to be weaned.  I am getting what I asked for so I can't be too sad I guess.  She will come around again and want to snuggle still, but she is experiencing freedom for the first time and I think is enjoying it. To combat the 'regret and loneliness' i'm feeling (i.e. to keep me from starting to breast feed again) I just tell her many times that I love her and I blow her kisses.  It really helps me feel close to her still. I know we aren't out of the woods yet, but we are well on our way!